Fifteen years later I have returned to the place of my dreams, a place which we a decade and a half ago were evicted from for antisocial behaviour when I was accompanied by the last generation.
Yes it was 1992 when we were last here, the grass was green like the children’s TV program “The Teletubbies” and the rolling hills down to cliff overlooking the North Sea, I was back then accompanied by The Ice Queen, Dominating Donna, Steptoe, Mr Myoyghi and my brother The Ticking Bomb.
We only lasted one night before being thrown off for well, really I am not sure because I was in a drunken coma and was only awaken the next day when the site manager woke me up bawling at us to pack up our stuff and do a runner.
I think my last really pleasant memory of Reighton Sands campsite situated in between the towns of Bridlington and Filey was getting drunk while listening to the Radio-one pop charts announce a new single called “This Used To Be My Playground”, by Madonna entering at No5, the first time she had released a song without me being aware of it.
On this occasion I am far more civilised than in them crazy days of the past, I have given up drinking 3 years ago and am enjoying my sixth month without a ciggie though I do admit I have found myself addicted to them chewing gums designed to wean you off the craving for nicotine.
I was also on this occasion accompanied by my 12 ½ year old son, Luke Baggins, his little brother Stig, My hormone-challenged niece who has done yet another metamorphosis from sweet “Red Riding Hood” to a more aggressive “Raging Bull” which is now her new pseudonym and finally her “friend/sparring partner”, Lethal Weapon.
Day 1 (Sunday)
We had made the journey of 100 miles from Huddersfield to Filey on a Sunday which was initially so that our Holiday did not clash with Gangster Sideous’s brother, Marcus Deponicus Popeyeus’s 40th Birthday Party but this had been subsequently cancelled since the venue had closed down but in retrospect it made our journey easier since we missed the bulk of the traditional Saturday Holiday traffic.
The only set back was that I could not see through the windows of the car too well because Luke and Stig had cleaned the car the day before and had used some old aftershave to wash the windows, this was incidentally the second “stupid thing” Luke had done following placing a jar of Chicken Tikka curry sauce in a bag right on the edge of the trolley after our pre holiday shopping at ASDA and of course this expectedly fell from the trolley and shattered destroying 2 notepads, 2 birthday cards and severely disabling a can of deodorant.
So well here I am at last laid on the grass in the beautiful sunshine, the tent is all up and as usual we have attached our oldest tent on the back to serve as the girls bedroom (and later boxing ring) I have took Miss Boley on the beach and them climbed up the steep cliff just adjacent to our pitch at the top of the field.
I being the first person on our “job schedule” have cooked a beautiful Beef Curry using the Chicken Tikka sauce which put The Raging Bulls chewy burnt offerings from our last holiday in Wales to shame, even Luke exclaimed it was “peng” which means good.
Stig had done the Washing Up and we had agreed on a schedule for the rest of the week which went as follows;
Dinner Washing Up
SundayMad Mick (Beef Curry, Chicken Tikka Sauce with rice) Stig
MondayRaging Bull (Chewy Chicken Curry With Chicken Tikka Sauce and messed up rice)Luke
TuesdayLethal Weapon (Burnt Sausages and beans) Mad Mick
Wednesday Luke & Stig (Chicken Burgers - Stig only got 2 and Spaghetti Bolognaise with flies) Lethal Wp*
Thursday Mad Mick (A beautiful succulent oriental dish served with lemon and chives)Raging Bull**
FridayRaging Bull (Cumberland Sausage with bits of hair and blood)Stig
* Lethal Weapon Paid Luke £4 to do it
** Raging Bull Paid Stig £2.60 to do it
I was now enjoying my book while Miss Boley rested on Lethal Weapons bed, the book was explaining how the Universe was created with a massive explosion in space which all the stuff in the 100,000,000,000 Galaxies containing each on average 100,000,000,000 Stars all like our sun were catapulted out from an area no bigger than a pin head which was floating in space somewhere.
I found this really hard to believe, how would it all fit in there anyway and how did it get there in the first place, apparently according to the author this took place some 14 billion years ago, about 10 billion years before the earth was formed…
My peace was shattered as Luke and Stig returned back to the tent, it was only 9:20pm and I wasn’t expecting them until ten pm when the Ice Queen had given instructions that they should be in.
Stig was chattering on about Raging Bull had broken her toe and Lethal Weapon had turned into a duck, grown a beak and was laying eggs as we spoke, he also wanted to talk to his mummy The Ice Queen and upon been given the phone also told her all this.
The Ice Queen then wanted to speak to me and she sounded a bit inebriated as she told me that all them kids were my responsibility and she was going to knock Raging Bull clean out, she also said she was sending someone to come pick us all up because I was not responsible enough (though she could hardly pronounce the word).
The Ice Queen then phoned Raging Bull on her phone and gave her a right roasting so by the time Raging Bull had hobbled back to the tent she had already concocted a cunning plan, she said I was to write two stories, one with her being really good and coming in on time etc for her mum to read adding that her mum thinks these reports are a load of rubbish and only saddo’s would spend there holidays writing everything down anyway.
Well it was finally decided that really The Ice Queen did have a point, letting them all wonder round the campsite all night without an adult (well I could pass for one) was really just asking for trouble so by way of a compromise it was decided that I would meet them in the club going forward at about ten and spend the last two hours there till it closed.
So instead of getting all night to read about the cosmic egg and the birth of the Universe I would only get about 2 ½ hours, the other 2-2 ½ hours I would have to spend in a club surrounded by people getting drunk and listening to Agadoo and Music man by black lace while a load of happy clappy entertainers encouraged me to sing along.
Day 2 (Monday)
Its Monday Morning and you know I don’t have that usual depressed “Monday Morning Feeling”, Raging Bull has just announced to us all that she is going to make breakfast after she has been to the toilet for a poo and after that we are all going to go to Bridlington.
I dreamt last night that another Universe had started on Lower Quarry Road, in my village of Bradley near Huddersfield and the Fire engines had come to try and stop it but some man in my dream told me it wasn’t a real universe until someone actually saw it from inside like us in ours, which had woke me up with a sudden understanding of why we were here but this was now fading rapidly.
The problem with camping right at the top of the hill is that it is such a long walk down to the toilet, especially when just waking up and fighting your way out of your sleeping bag and listening to the morning bickering between Luke Baggins and Raging Bull..
“You got an annoying head and voice” shouts Raging Bull
“At least I won’t be pregnant before Im sixteen and got a friend who has turned into a duck” replies Luke.
This results in a few beats for Luke as I head down towards the toilet; I glance at the farmer’s field which has its perimeter just yards from our tent but notice that a couple are walking there dog nearby and well the embarrassment of being caught with my panties round my knees and my arse in the breeze outweighs the long walk through the camp.
When I get to the toilet block and enter the gents I am surprised to see a lady cleaning the floor, she looks at me and says, well I think she does, “Can you do it outside”
I look at her gone out for a while unsure of how to respond then I realise, she said can you do it round the other side, since the Toilets are split into two areas and I hadn’t noticed the other area before.
Eventually we all jump in Christine (my Ford Focus C-max) and head for the town of Bridlington, after about three quarters of a hour driving about looking for a parking space we settle for one on the fringes of the town near the Railway level crossing which isn’t full and go and explore the attractions.
Raging Bull and her friend Lethal Weapon was quite adamant that they were going off on their own which I wasn’t right keen on the idea knowing tales of vagrants in Bridlington but then again it gave us chance to talk about them.
While they were gone Stig revealed he had feelings for Lethal Weapon which surprised me and Luke, he added that he found her presence made his heart flutter.
We went in and out of all the knick-knack shops and I narrowly missed getting hit by some youth throwing a water bomb, the beach was quite packed but the sky was showing signs of clouding over and anyway we wasn’t allowed to take Miss Boley on the beach unless I bought a pair of sunglasses and pretended to be blind.
So with Luke and Stig leading the way we headed up on to the promenade where all the rides were and they both bought some tokens and with £5 worth each managed two rides, the water log and the twister.
WE met up with Lethal Weapon and Raging Bull who were having their claws clipped at this stall which specialises in such things but they sky was really beginning to grey over now so we decided to head back to the car.
On our return we called at Tescos to get the ingredients for Raging Bulls special curry and wholegrain rice, Luke and Stig showed us all how to do the “Baps” dance and made funny “oooobaaa” noises at the checkout which of course made the checkout lady look at us all funny.
Its now 8pm and after a major session getting ready they have all gone out and I am enjoying my peace reading that book I brought about the Universe, it seems scientists now think that everything is made of a load of vibrating bits of string whereas when I was at University everything was made of lots of little balls.
Looking around the tent Lethal Weapon has put a notice in front of their part of the tent which reads “No shoes beyond this point”, Raging Bull had made us all a really lovely curry but had messed up a bit with the rice, Miss Boley kindly washed up afterwards.
I just remembered that last night I dreamt I was back drinking again and I was sneaking about trying to pretend I wasn’t, I always seem to get these dreams when I am in danger, its as if my higher power is trying to warn me how awful life would be like again if I ever succumbed back to the dark side.
Tonight I have promised to meet them all in the amusements and we are then going to the disco afterwards which well it will be swamped with people drinking and I will be sat there all alone.
Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a companion in this life, but really you are always alone aren’t you, sometimes being in a relationship can be lonelier than being single…
What a world
What a place to be
See the People ev'rywhere
The pain of nations -
I tell you
Mother earth needs the help
Of all the children of the world
A revolution
Here we go -
Hear me say
It's revolution in paradise
Here we go -
Hear me say
It's revolution in paradise
That song is stuck in my head and well it wasn’t so bad afterall, I am now in my sleeping bag and have zipped up my part of the tent, Luke, Stig and Boley are in theres and I can hear Lethal Weapon and Raging Bull chatting in there part about the boys they have met.
I told Lethal Weapon that Stig said that he has feelings for her and she surprised me by saying that she too has feelings for him… bad feelings this made me laugh a bit.
I guess Raging Bull is right I am getting sad sat in the tent reading about what God was doing before he made the universe when I could be out enjoying the wonderful nightlife, we had Musicman by black lace, Agadoo, that new Timberland song, a bit of Grease and one that I cant get out of my head “Revolution In Paradise”.
I was watching these two young ladies on the dance floor doing the moves to this song and I was almost hypnotised especially when they started swaying their bodies to the second verse.
In fact they were that good I forgot about the argument if the universe was a load of strings or a load of balls, but I got to admit that most of the couples in there had a look of intense boredom with each other, like all their routine was done on autopilot with no conscious control.
I can hear Luke and Stig counting their Yu-Gi-Oh cards; Luke has got a Egyptian God which beats everything. I can also hear Raging Bull and Lethal Weapon talking about Bucket and Mr Spoon, two lads they seem to have took a shine to while they brush their hair like mermaids.
I was talking to this coloured bloke at the bar, well I say talking, he was in fact talking to me while I tried to get served, he asked me if I wanted a drink of his huge 4 pint pitcher of lager.
I politely declined and got myself 3 cokes at £1.95 each and then explained that I was an alcoholic and used to drink super strength lager at 4am before I went to work, this seemed to bring out the Rastafarian in him because he started saying “respect man” and giving me strange manoeuvres to copy with my hands.
Anyway its now 12:30 AM so I turn off the light, tomorrow is Tuesday and like the TV Program “The Walton’s” (anyone remember that) we all say every possible 2 person combination of goodnight to each other.
Day 3 (Tuesday)
Its mid afternoon and everyone’s gone swimming, it was an awful night last night pouring rain, howling winds, it calmed down a bit this morning so we went to visit Filey, well me Luke and Stig did but the girls went to see them boys they met last night.
Stig was most amusing when he had to pay 10p to go to them toilets on the sea front at Filey, I wish I had got that one on video, so well while I was there I bought some mats for the tent floor and Stig and Luke had a potter round on these mini-motorbikes which I reckon were a bit under there age range.
The rain is pounding down outside, I just cannot believe this has happened again after our soaking in Wales when it rained everyday, I don’t mind showers but when you get persistent wind and rain camping is just miserable.
I cannot imagine the anger that all those people in the south of England who were flooded must feel, I feel so p*ssed that rain has f*cked up two of our holidays still hope is at hand the local radio station says it will dry up tonight and be largely dry but cloudy for the rest of the week.
Luke has just returned from the amusements when I returned from the field after having an urgently needed crap, I now urgently need a shower.
I put these runs down to Raging Bulls dodgy chicken curry yesterday, only I cant run because I am half a mile from the toilets so I have had to make use of the nearby farmers field, Luke thinks this is most amusing.
I am going for a shower now.
Its 7:15pm Tuesday, absolutely f*cking pouring down, everything in the tent is soaked or damp including our spirits, I got to give it to Lethal Weapon she made our tea which was beef burgers and ravioli and afterwards I washed up but its such a long way to walk, then you got to queue at the washing up area because there is only two sinks, ridiculous considering there must be about 50 people here.
The gusting wind has claimed a few casualties but our tent is too small, I am reading about well, let me enlighten you…
“Science can not define existence, because existence does not exist, this is probably non-existence we are experiencing.
Whatever this is, it can not be something with a beginning, ( like the big bang theory ), because the moment you apply a beginning to it in order to give it a scientific meaning, you would simply be ignoring all the science laws and then compensate it by having science "thereafter". In other words all the science that makes perfect sense by placing the big bang theory out there, makes sense in order to level out the non-sense of the big bang theory.
( you go to a good store to buy the best groceries, all of your enjoyment of the foods is the result of your intricate work. )
What this means is, everything is always cancelled out into non-existence, this is the core element of non-existence.
In a sense, death is impossible, because you can not go out of existence if this is non-existence itself we are experiencing.
The beauty about non-existence over existence is that, only non-existence would give us free will, existence or existence with a beginning would only be giving us chain reaction. Non-existence is perfection, and your opinions do not matter, because this is non-existence.
But, in our little non-existence (earth, known universe ) science works so perfectly, not because it is science or science is god, but we convert perception into science, for example, we observe that earth is going around the sun, and we decide to make it a "science fact" that earth goes around the sun every 365 days, from the perspective of non-existence, such event does not even take place, from the perspective of some other dimension, earth and sun are moving parallel to each other in form of rays of light.
I would like to say " non-existence is beautiful ' however I don't even exist... and such comment does not exist, never have, all this stuff you just read, never happened. Pretty cool huh.
Despite my beliefs in everything I wrote above, I do not rule out anything, I respect science, religion, god, because non-existence is capable of everything that does not exist.”
My mind isn’t really with all this but it gives me a great idea for the name of this story, maybe I should entitle it “God Needs a Nappy”.
I went out “clubbing” again at 10pm, I met them all in the amusements but I must confess I lost my temper and stormed back out again after I put £5 into a slot machine because I was bored waiting for them all to go dancing, It finally came up trumps after some nudges and auto nudges and gave three teapots but failed to pay me anything.
I did however calm down and we went back into the teenies disco to dance the night away and even I had a little dance to “Wake Me up before You Go Go” by Wham! And Lethal Weapon collapsed on the floor laughing at the spectacle which was made even funnier when I nearly fell over her.
Lethal Weapon and Raging Bull paired up with their boyfriends Bucket and Mr Spoon while I watched the young ladies dance to “Revolution In Paradise”, Stig said that he had been approached by security about some soiled underpants that were found in the shower which had his name attached to them.
I am now zipped in my sleeping bag writing this, the rain has finally stopped and I can hear Luke and Stig in their quarters… “Hey stop touching my bum” with this I drop off into a deep sleep.
Day 4 (Wednesday)
I awake next morning to Stig and Raging Bull laughing, apparently Luke went down to the showers but forgot his pants so he came back wearing a towel, when he got to the tent Miss Boley jumped up at him and the towel fell down.
Its been better has the weather today, we decided to visit the legendary Skirlington Market and due to the weather it was nowhere near as busy as I remember it, I bought a cheeseburger, two waistcoats (which make me look like a snooker player), one pair of jeans and a £20 remote control helicopter.
Luke and Stig had a scrap over some towels they had bought and we then headed over to Skipsea which was the venue of last year’s holiday and of course the place three years ago had been where I had my last battle with alcohol.
Near Skipsea Sands campsite even more of the land has been reclaimed by the sea, the road near the cliff face is now blocked off to cars and one of the houses which were last year inhabited is now half demolished with much of the brick work now on the beach below.
On the camp itself which I am now banned from staying on despite my attempts to make amends we met Luke and Raging Bulls old friends from 3 years ago, Jodie, Connor and Christie.
Jodie was back then Luke’s holiday date but Luke says she is now “murked”, I also went to meet their dad who says the two times he saw me on that fateful holiday which resulted in me been ever since a member of Alcoholics Anonymous was when I was asleep on the table when my mum was playing bingo and the second time sprawled out on the floor of the caravan.
I can still remember very vividly the pain I felt on that final week of drinking and I think it is the fear of that which has been a contributory factor in keeping me dry for the past three years.
Its now 7:15pm Wednesday night and the night is my own for meditation and peace till 10pm when I catch up with them guys in the amusements again, Stig has been on the phone to The Russian Spy, his mums best boyfriend for over a decade and it seems that he has been given a nearly new Core Duo PC by Silverback.
I feel quite tired after all the wind we had last night following the rain yesterday, but the weather is all calm now as I sit in my tent with Miss Boley staring into space. Luke made Chicken Burgers and Stig made spaghetti bolognaise, which resulted in arguments between them because Luke had two Chicken Burgers but Stig only got one.
It was the girls turn for doing the washing up but they both paid Luke £2 each to do it for them, I think Raging Bull is getting just like her dad, The Ticking Bomb for laziness but I must admit she still has a long way to go.
I have got fed up of reading about the Universe now and I am just flicking through a computer magazine I bought, I am kind of looking forward to going out but think it would be great if I could just have a few pints and let go a bit, sometimes I hate being an alcoholic still look on the bright side I never get any hangovers.
Its gone past midnight again and I have just zipped up my area of the tent after evicting all the daddy long legs and moths into Raging Bulls area, I can hear Luke and Stig bickering as usual, Stig wants to borrow a pair of Luke’s new socks he bought from Skirlington but Luke says he is fed up of his little brother pinching all his clothes.
I tell them both about my schizophrenic brother Ticking Bomb always pinching my underpants and them destroying them by blowing holes in them when he farts.
All the kids think my rendition of Michael Jackson’s “Smooth Criminal” was awesome even though they are pretending the don’t, even Raging Bull who likes to be in the limelight joined me trying to keep up with my moonwalks across the dance floor and I think Lethal Weapon thinks I am a secret disco diva.
Luke and Stigs area of the tent smells really bad though because they keep weeing their bed, they should have grown out of them habits by now, look at me I last peed the bed when I was 35.
Day 5 (Thursday)
As we all stumbled back to consciousness little did we know that today would be the day of the big fight when Raging Bull would take on Lethal Weapon.
Me, Luke, Stig and Boley went over to Strawberry Fields just south of Bridlington today to go to a car boot sale, we arrived at 1pm and it was due to close at 2pm so we missed all the real bargains.
Still Luke managed to find some pictures of tigers for his mum The Ice Queen and Stig bought her a plant for her kitchen plus an ornament of a tiger and I managed to grab some ornaments for my mum and dad plus some more camping plates for just a few coppers.
I then stupidly decided to purchase a manky salmonella burger, a decision I later regretted.
We once again called at Tescos on our way back to camp and did our famous “Baps” dance which was caught on video this time carefully choreographed by Luke much to the bemused looks of other shoppers.
We got back to camp with “So Macho” by Sinita playing on the stereo and Stig was getting a bit carried away singing along with the lyrics which repeat “I don’t want a seven stone weakling or a boy who thinks hes a girl, I after a hunk of a man...”
At the tent we found we had been joined by some new neighbours, a bloke with two young children, I was going to help the bloke put his tent up because he was struggling with the wind but instead decided to take the dog for a walk down the farmers field and read my new computer magazine I had just bought from Tescos.
The earlier burger I had began to repeat on me and I ended up on my knees throwing my guts up in the long grass on my way back and felt really tired and drained that I had to lie down for a while when I got back.
It was my turn to make the tea and by now we were all getting a bit fed up of fried food but I am afraid that was all there was on the menu and tonight we had oriental lamb and beef stakes with lemon and peppers and beans.
Raging Bull started teasing me about being single for years and being a loner, she then punched Luke in the face which it seems sometimes is the only way she can argue, but Luke restrained himself from hitting her back despite the rippling muscles that even Lethal Weapon couldn’t help noticing.
But it was later after the club when the real battles started and Luke had the opportunity of really showing his true strength.
Lethal Weapon and Raging Bull had fallen out due to the two boys they had been seeing Bucket and Mr Spoon anyway I will let them explain what happened…
Bucket Slapped Lethal Weapons bum so Lethal weapon slapped Buckets bum back and this resulted in Bucket calling Lethal Weapon a “bitch” and going to hide in the toilets for a good sulk.
Raging Bull went away because everyone was arguing and Bucket went looking for her, which meant that everyone started saying that Bucket fancied Raging Bull and not Lethal Weapon.
Then Mr Spoon kept asking Raging Bull if she was okay and if anything was wrong with her and Bucket went running after Lethal Weapon to see if she was okay.
Bucket and Lethal Weapon made friends and as a token of her friendship Lethal Weapon spent £3 trying to win a teddy with “I love you on” to give to Bucket but when the grabber on the machine finally picked it up the machine broke and Lethal Weapon had to get one of the assistants.
Lethal Weapon then got Luke to go find Bucket so she could go give him the teddy and had to interrupt him from a intellectual debate on the European constitution which he argued that British citizens should have a referendum on and he told Luke he was too busy to go see Lethal Weapon.
After being told this Lethal Weapon went over to Bucket and told him to go f*** himself and forcefully threw the Teddy at him.
Things escalated when Raging Bull run after Lethal Weapon and threw poor Teddy at a machine, Lethal Weapon then got Teddy and ripped its heart out and that was the last we saw of Teddy.
Following this Raging Bull and Lethal Weapon fell out and stopped speaking, even dancing separately on the dance floor, Luke tried to console Lethal Weapon but just made things much worse especially because Raging Bull could be seen dancing with Bucket, Mr Spoon and Joe.
It was on our way back to the tent when the physical catfight started between Lethal Weapon and Raging Bull though the exchange of dialogue went something like this…
Lethal Weapon: “I don’t know why you have fallen out with me for”
Raging Bull: “Because you were blaming me all the time”
Lethal Weapon: “You trollop”
Raging Bull: “You Dog”
Lethal Weapon: “Woof woof”
Raging Bull: “That’s right you are one”
At this point Lethal Weapon slapped Raging Bull and Raging Bull responds by ragging her hair, then Luke jumped in the middle with his rippling muscles and got slapped by both of them in the cross fire while I was trying to get my camera out to capture the fight on video.
Raging Bull started crying and run off to hide round the back of a caravan but a dog jumped out on her so she walked back up to the road where both me and Stig told her to calm down.
But she just couldn’t calm down and was snorting and crying like; you guessed it a Raging Bull
Raging Bull: “I’m going to slap her silly the stupid cow”
Lethal Weapon: “Go on then slap me silly”
She tried to give her stuff to Luke but he wouldn’t take them so she put her bag and phone on the floor and walked towards her but Luke intervened so he got badly nipped trying to restrain her.
In the end they both walked back to tent, Raging Bull sobbed “I knew this was going to happen”.
Lethal Weapon flashed back “Why did you invite me then!” and she got on the phone to her mum who is a Jehovah Witness and asked if she could get picked up tomorrow.
I suggested that maybe they should sleep separately but neither of them were too keen despite there differences to swap with Stig or Luke and sleep in their urine infested compartment.
It thankfully all ended peacefully when they were both looking at a picture of Baby Hans and Lethal Weapon texted Raging Bull “Sorry” on her phone and since Raging Bull had no credit on hers simply said sorry and we all drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
Day 6 (Friday)
Its our last full day here at Reighton Sands and we have just been on a trip into Bridlington to buy our last minute presents and while the girls go their separate ways Me, Luke and Stig talk about last nights battle.
I think the consensus of opinion is that Raging Bull lost the battle.
Miss Boley decides to have a poo right on the sidewalk this is about the only memorable event that happened here today but Raging Bull and Lethal Weapon did bring me back a nice hat and now best of friends they also purchased secret Fairy outfits for our last evening there.
Not wanting to make too much of a Carbon Footprint with Christine we popped over to Flamborough Lighthouse on our return and had a walk down to the bay below, we have spent some great holidays in the past around this area.
I remembered one year we spent camped on a farm, I still have issues where the lighthouse owner goes to get new lightbulbs when they burn out though.
Both Raging Bull and Lethal Weapon were best of friends now but you could tell that Raging Bull was a bit more wary of her friend now that she had been beat up.
As we left the lighthouse on our way back to camp Luke thought he saw Picker Packer Brundle chasing Bernadette the sheep in a nearby field but I reckon he must have been mistaken afterall we didn’t get much sleep last night following the battle, in fact it was like The Monday Market in our tent when the two girls finally made friends what with the Jehovas Witness joining them on Lethal Weapons speaker phone.
When we got back to camp I bought them a bottle of Lambrini to share before they went out from the vastly inflated on site “everyday” shop, which was for some reason named after an old Jason Donovan record.
Reaching our pitch we found we now had new neighbours at the other side of our tent too and I was at first a bit niggled that they had pitched their tent so close to ours that there was no room to park Christine our car.
I decided not to make a big deal about it remembering my AA pledge about defects and well we were due to leave tomorrow morning at 10am, I even went as far as helping them to put their tent up since the wind had increased a bit as the day had gone on and our Gazebo had fallen down earlier as a result.
After tea, the four happy chappies had a glass of Lambrini each and then followed aimless giggling when Luke offered to have his eyebrows plucked by Lethal Weapon, I think Stig’s feelings were blossoming because he looked really jealous of all the attention.
I think our last night out at the club was the best, on stage was a group calling themselves Hypnosis and they belted out great hits such has “We get knocked down”, by that group from our part of the UK, “Another Brick In The Wall”, by Pink Floyd and that dance floor classic “Only Love Can Set You Free” plus many more.
Lethal Weapon and Raging Bull really looked the part in their cowboy / fairy outfits and proved so convincing to one young lad that he actually asked Raging Bull if she was a Tooth Fairy and if he could have a gold coin.
He even searched her bag for the coins but she told him that she didn’t carry them with her and the next time he lost a tooth if he put it under his pillow she will leave him one.
Taking in all this the young lad asked what she did with all the teeth to which she replied that they are planted in the ground and grow into trees.
When we eventually make our way back to our tent we are kept awake by loud snoring in the tent next to us but we soon all fall asleep ready to get up early the next day and take the tent down
Day 7 (Saturday)
We wake the next morning and everyone except Luke and Stig manage to get their stuff packed away in record time, Luke and his little brother was struggling with their sleeping bags but no one wanted to touch them because they absolutely reeked of pee.
I promise myself that next year we will have a new much bigger tent that I can stand up in, no more crawling about on my knees so as I squeezed the two miniature tents into their respective bags which seem to get smaller I thought we may not be using these again.
Christine was packed out for the journey back to Huddersfield and only I was left awake, Miss Boley looked initially uncomfortable but soon found somewhere to rest her head on Raging Bulls shoulders.
In summary looking back as I transfer this to print on Thursday night it was a great successful holiday, the weather could have been better but that’s camping isn’t it, it certainly didn’t even compare to our last disastrous holiday in Wales with Picker Packer Brundle, Bernadette and The Rats.
