The Why are we here question is back in my head again, we never reach perfection but it is our quest for perfection that becomes our lives, we all need an outlet for our thoughts to be percieved.
So I would sit for sometimes days just writing and thinking especially in my University days, I wouldn't talk to people just think and write about how these Physics Professors could illustrate the complexity of nature on blackboards with equations. ..
University gave me powers of imagination I could before only dream of and dream I did in them days sometimes the dreams became reality pockets in rea1life, writing about why things were as they were i.e. Physics made me really wonder why are we here!
Dreams are sign-posts on a road we call life, have you eyer noticed when you wake up and the daunting reality of another day at Sellers makes you wish you were back at sleep but I am sure this does not happen every day in Sellers case.
Why are we here living lives on this planet at the bottom of a pyramid well because somebody has to do it but more importantly the closer you are to the base of the pyramid tbe stronger are you're roots. Those unfortunate souls at the top of the pyramid are in a very precarious position nowadays. I would much rather live with nature than against it and find sitiing in our local quarry, I call the Jumgle much more easier on the mind than say watching football in the local.
I think football, the media in general is a big control mechanism and if you fall outside the crowd of common conversation you will be labeled either mad or weird, but in my opinion more and more people are falling into the latter chategory.
Writing about the thoughts that enter your head or even harder a past event's thoughts is very stimulating so far we have two poets, namely The Grinding Poet and The Tinshop Poet and two learner writers, myself and Lady Penelope.
After Pud told me all of her problems after bowling Sunday Night after our bowling tournament I said just write it down, you dont need a computer or to be absolutely crazy and let everybody view inside your mind, you will slowly start to feel better but it comes on in quantum jumps.
I mean nothing takes the past away like the future and nothing takes the darkness away like the light don't be discouraged by others opinions of your work its made in your imagination the connecting point between reality and dreams, not theirs.
We could all comunicate at a much deeper and more fundamental level, IF you send a letter like I did to one of the big profiteering houses such as The Bank or The Waterboard they don't know how to react because it breaks into their "This is a person not a number barrier", Ifwe all combined energy this way who knows what might happen .....
We all know those at the top have a long way to fall, while those at the bottom are basically already there and have nothing to lose we all try now to help each other into the next millenium.
We had a firedrill today at Sellers well, I don't think it was mean't to be a firedrill because Secret Squirrel was in the machine shop with his pullover on Aussie said.
Anyway we were all back at Assembly point D again, Me, Laa-Laa, Dipsy, The Balloon Warden, Born 2B Wild, Chuckles and Dangermouse.
Dipsy said he wanted to get back because he had work to do but Born 2B Wilde somehow consoled him, The Balloon Warden took charge of the register when Secret Squirrel came to check, The Balloon Warden was incidently on the phone to my dad Wonderwood or Tufty I don't know which, anyway where was I.. ...
Pud, Mustard Man and Thin Mick have just been to my flat and I have lost my thread at an appropriate point in the story of mine like Captain Wise did at the last fire drill back in March.
Oh yes The Pink Spindle Panther says after handing in a DOC #33 name change feedback note that Hamster Spring A Leak now wants to be known as Break light.
The reason why being that he bought a break light that goes in your rear windscreen but failed to realise that he already had one so does anybody in Sellers want to buy one (my first advert!).
Now Gary Leyland you are called "Break Light" and thank you for that cig from South Africa.
Not really knowing where to go with my reports or whatever you happen to call them after the last weeks marathon I have corne to this one, if you think it is rubbish I am not bothered, its just another avenue ofthougths that appear in my head while sat here listening to Madonna's Ray Of Light LP.
Mystic Mark is our new champion after our World Cup and The Bradley side did not bring it home like England and I think Wonderwood is a bit upset at losing to Pud, the day was an absolute success
and I don't think my report did justice to the friendly atmosphere. Probably due to the fact that I typed it all out from my head Sunday night after bowling, just as I had finished all the Electric went off, when I put it on Emergency everything was lost except the innitial chart which I had saved earlier manually.
NUMBNUTS TIllS DAFf WORD PAD IN WINDOWS 95 MY NEW IMPROVED COMPUTER, NEITHER HAS A SPELL CHECKER, NO STYLISH FONTS NOR AN AUTOMATIC SAVE AND
I AM VERY CROSS ABOUT TIllS NOW .
I limp on without a mouse since my recent burglary, but still I keep going Who knows why but that we have to, we are going up a progressively steeper slope to the new millenium, there is the record number of incarnations come to pass this period.
So what else happened today at Sellers; well everybody was miserable because England.is out of the World Cup except me who do not have a TV but I can still feel the vibes of your collective thought
energy why does it affect you so bad? •
Wonderwood felt it bad when he lost against Pud but it was not entirely his fault the sooner he returns to Tufty and splashes out on some new woods like I have had to do the better, thanks Tonto The Lone Ranger but you didn't like the Noon Striker breaking the rules did you?
But nothing really matters, looking at my life it is very clear to me I lived so selfishly, I just would not speak in my troubled mind, but nowadays the Force is more with me, more with me.
I'?- Now The Pink Spindle Panther will know what has happened in this
interval .
.............................................................. In the end there is still the orange juice, oh lovely I just want a drink!!
Summary of todays events at work today:
Loaded waggon up with a very busy Laa-Laa and Dipsy with 66 in Tele-tubbie land and Captain Beaky danced to Greased Lighting on their radio, but after break I had to phase the moving duty to Born 2B Wild but we were all awoken once again with the fire alarm.
I was at the Fitting with the waggon watching in amazement as a enormous number of my neighbours from down there came running hysterically out of the building on their way to their reI event Assembly points that I jumped out of the wagon and ran waving my hands to Checkpoint D.
Here we learned that it was another firedrill, this time a niistake one.
Started the saw, to cut a load of seventy diameter, went to order my dinner in between informed The Tin Shop Poet to keep up the good work and ordering some Baccy off ABFOMP and whilst heading down to The Dinner Ladies was interupted by LP who informed me of codename B.
I think I spent sawing bits of bar off, Oh no I got interupted by one or two uneventful forklift duties then it was dinnertime and practice sessions with Champion Captain Mystic Mark (who has got married to Lady Luck (Caroline Tolson».
And of course Aussie, who has helped me with ideas for a lot of my previous stories, he loves a good
r'/' game of bowls on a dinnertime, of course Mystic Mark won again but I think me and Aussie conived to boost his confidence still further ready for saturday so he can continue where he left off on Sunday well done Mark.
We had The support of two of our new directors, Captain Beaky and Captain Morecambe, we are now going through a metamorphosis at Sellers.
After dinner I hastely eat my dinner, the afternoon was fast and furious as usual .... when I got home Bart Simpson arrived and we went to see Our Jedi Master
I am now lost in space I see what went wrong with my mind today and will try to correct it tommorow that is life our involvement helps us to advance on a plane much bigger than this, our interactions with others produce an ever wider product of interactions with others and this circle continues even daily in say Bradley.
At Sellers the characters are enmeshed characters by social instinct due to being a long time working together and hence work very efficiently together as well has having a lot of laughs, that sundial is still in the Hub Of Sellers I have named it Buddha.
100 is the magic number of characters in a contained unit 10 contain just enough interactions for a
stable unit that is pretty robust in the weather that presedes us, we sail headlong into the future
Captain Beaky says to Hamster Spring A leak who is leaving to open a fish & chip shop in Scarborough "Is there anything I can do to pursued you to stay", "Yes, a company; car would be nice
and a private jet would be even better" replies Hamster Spring A Leak .
Cuz Wally says to him later in the day "Give up taking the piss out of me being obsessed with the weather, you might be a man when you are with your mates but you are by yourself you are nothing
but a boy". . .
"High up on Holme Moss, me and the miss's were driving along at night and very slowly due to dense fog, much to our surprise a figure appeared silhouetted against the background, it turns out to Jesus Christ Superstar, Sellers most miserable character, I still wonder why he was there" says Dynamic Dave our highly energetic machine shop driller.
At 10:30 am seen in Asda by Lady Teaspoon, Numbnut's Miss's was a guy Sellers overalls but strangely wearing a ballacalava, it is suspected that this person is part of The Sellers Splinter group, the freedom fighters.
Cuz Wally who remarked that nothing even snow sticks around in Bradley says that the growth on the new Weird & Wobbly er Horizon Excel Upright is so that The Balloon Warden can tell left handed Uprights and right handed Uprights. It has been known in the past wrong handed Uprights have made it all the way to the fitting before being discovered to be somehow wrong.
It is Tuesday night and another night on the front line in the suburban jungle, it seems that the devil does indeed make work for the idle hands round here, there is a large mob of the ethnic majority hanging around outside the Greengrocers watching out for easy targets.
Me and The Jedi Master have .Na'been for a ride to Fartown on our mountain bikes and I finish Tuesday off watching True Lies on my none existent television set.
"Are you a registered charity" enquires Mr Happy when Laa Laa offers me a Microwave oven and it was discrimination at yesterdays Early Learning Centre, I have just interrupted the Wednesday morning Coffee machine debate.
"Numbnuts and his mate was in the pub and they are both well known for telling big porkies and the conversation is going something like this 'Do you know what I did over the weekend Numbnuts, I swam YI!. Niagara falls backwards, blindfolded and with one hand tied behind my back', '] know' says Numbnuts, '] was there with you' "says Magic man more jokes follow ...
''] turned up at our local farm this week and informed the farmer his chickens were no longer laying eggs because I have just run over them, the farmer had Captain Beaky imprisoned inside a huge dustbin so I shouted to him to have a piss in the corner and told the farmer there is three shovels take your pick. I can't wait to buy Robbie Williams new single called Strong"
"Where do you draw the line with regards to sexual discrimination" says Laa Laa for instance I have just been into the offices to see Diet Coke Break and ... and .... and Oh yes she was on about dreams I said ''] dreamt about you last night" She replied "Oh Oooooh did you!" ... "No you wouldn't let me" says Laa Laa. "But, don't you see Michael this statement has sexual overtones but, no offence was taken, it Was OK yesterday the early learning centre, especially with Chiefy there because he was really funny but, ifwe had Morecambe & Wise it would be like ten pin bowling all over again"
''How close can you pass a female before you invade her personal space, it is a strange world and only Ettie Wainthropp, alias Jimmy Clitheroe knows why we are on it".
Budget 99 If our chancellor thinks that an extra £3 per week is going to tip the balance with the financial advantage of working against standing around on the streets robbing people who are working, it seems that he obviously does not live in the real world.
Sellers Poole team have won 4/3 at there last two away matches and I am going to visit them this Tuesday night. Numbnuts says there is a new tablet coming out called Niagara that makes you piss yourself all night.
Hopefully on Friday 26th of march there will be a bowling meeting at 8p.m. and Numbnuts is going to do a cover version of Cliff Richard's "God Is Nice" to promote the event.
Li££le Tony says our gas burner in the doorway to the machine shop is designed to keep employees physically fit, It is harder work than working out at the gym after work.
"Do you think I am more decisive since I have been going to the Early Learning Centre" asks the Balloon Warden "1 hope it isn't a transient thing" I reply thinking of my new washing machine and looking at Chiefy who was mouthing the words "He can't decide if he is!"
Dipsy says "Do you know we are again drilling for olive oil and Capt. Beaky is J.R. Ewing, Capt. Morecambe is Bobby Ewing and of course beautiful Madam Mary is Pam Ewing and Madge is Mrs Ewing"
"You set off up here with 1/2 a tale and you arrive with quarter of a tale how-am I supposed to know what a fackin chain wheel thingy is!" says Ettie Wainthropp when I arrive to collect a "Chain wheel Thingy" that is to be transported to the stores.
While I was up there in the fitting I found out that Magicman had run out of juice at Newsome and Danger Mouse had to come out to rescue him even if it was a wasted journey. . ' .
At the early learning centre this week it seems that Dennis The Menace jigsaws were the theme, two Dennis The Menace 150 piece jigsaws were mixed up but one had sequential numbers on it giving the positions of each piece in a grid. However Captain Beaky and Chiefy did the Jigsaw with positions of the pieces in the conventional way because it has always been the way they have done jigsaws.
It is by now early Thursday morning and the passage of time means that I am once again interrupting the early morning coffee machine debate I apologise to Chiefy that his washing machine was not leaking bllt it was my drain ''If it was an upstairs flat you could of drilled an hole in the floor, it would double up as a shower" says Aussie, his only comment this week.
Mr Blobby it seems is a secret astronomer, "1 originally got a very powerful telescope to watch the girl across the street but, after the arrival of three police cars I was urged to turn my gaze at the heavens, on the moon you could see the US flag and little men walking on it, the stars showed their true colours some red, orange {sorry beck porridge}, yellow, blue and I only ever saw one green .. It is fascinating our Universe but marriage as stopped my own investigations. "
All But Smithy says "The Balloon Warden put lipstick on hisforehead to help make up his mind weather he was more decisive or not since attending the early learning centre",
Laa Laa says "1 can not un)Jerstand it the first time I had my driving test I knocked a Lolly-pop lady down and I failed I mean she only more or less slid down the bonnet of the car"
It is Friday morning and the last of our metamorphosing brown smocks have made it back from the early learning centre it seems they have graduated from tanks of little balls to Dennis the menace jigsaws.
The Rainbow Warrior has just been down into Sellers Dungeons wondering ifwe could collectively help them with their homework which is. ...
Who is going to Barker Street?
This is a problem which can be solved by deduction and analysis ....
Five taxi drivers have been summoned to pick up five fares at a London Club. On arrival, they find that their passengers are .,tl slightly intoxicated. Each man has a different first and last name, a different profession, a different destination and each man's wife has a different first name. Unable to determine who's who and who's going where, the taxi drivers ask you to find out. You collect these facts from the passengers ...
1) Brad is married to Betty 2) Barbara's husband gets into third taxi
3) Bart is a Wanker I mean Banker 4) The last taxi goes to Barton Street
5) Beatrice lives in Burton Street 6) The butcher gets into the fourth taxi
7) Bob gets into the second taxi 8) Bernice is married to the broker
9) Mr Barker lives in Burton Street 10) Mr Burger gets into the taxi at the front of Brenda's Husband
11) Mr Bunger gets into the first taxi 12) Mr Baker lives in Burbon Street
13) The barber lives in Baker Street 14) Mr Baker gets into the taxi in front ofMr Burke
15) The barber is three taxis in front of Brian 16) Mr Burger is in the taxi in front of the butcher
Who is tile baker ? .
What is Bert's last name 1 ••••••••....•..•.•.•••.•••••...•..
Who is going to Barker Street 1 ••.•.•••••......•••.••••• Apollo 13 this is dynamic Dave "we have a problem"
Dynamic Dave says they have been demoted to 36 piece wooden jigsaws of farmyards.
The record is for the under three year olds; lmin 43 sec but Chiefy manages it in 45 min. "But Chiefy you have got Thomas the tank engine and the fat controller in the wrong places"
"1 remember being a lot younger than I am now" says Mr Blobby "1 was liVing 01) this mad as f"'ck estate and a silver car drew up at my next door neighbours and three guys got out asd kicked my neighbours door in so I phoned the Police who said 'Do you mind going around and seeing if they are relatives"
"1 hope you don't make these visits a regular occurrence" says The Balloon Warden to The Jedi Master as I walk past with two bags full of pans and a dozen eggs that are to be plated at Hipperholme, even in prison you are allowed visitors.
''I am on the Who Wants to be a millionaire show and I wish to phone a friend. q am The Jedi Master' Is heard at the other end, Dominating Donna is right we have £16,000 with tourist trophy ...
Psalms, Prayers, Numbers, Proverbs which of these is not a book of the bible, answer BPrayers and we have £64,000 and two lifelines, he has lost but he was one of there most memorable contestants and me and Hop-head thought he would win (1 million and give half to comic relief!
"with me you cut all my quotes to the bone" Hophead says I miss his bits because they are not
interesting. . . '
It is revealed by Pod that Ben her other son was trapped under a wardrobe and his tittle legs were wiggling away, I just laughed she says, but I checked if his hand was alright first.
''I like Tony, if I had my wish my daddy would be like that he does not take speed"
"Mick now leaves, because he is out of his head at 10:2aAichoo. Mick speaks about rubbish, sometimes he doesn't know what he is on about, he acts like Luke and Rebecca on a Friday but he does not tell you at Sellers this is from Dominating Donna & Hophead"
I awoke Saturday morning and on my way to work thought fuck it and called at shop for a couple of beers before going back home to consume them and the next thing I know Hophead has arrived and Becky is shouting "Uncle Mad Mick" through the letterbox.
It was one of those sunny days when you feel glad to be alive and after a late arrival by Luke it was off to The Jungle with Becky, Luke and Judy my parents depressed dog that will not even chase after a stick thrown by Luke.
We are all now in witches woocJAmd I ask Becky and Luke where Bonnie is, "Heaven" they both answer simultaneously "What is it like in heaven I ask?"
''It is not muddy" says Beck, ''It is a nice place" says Luke ''It is nice and comfy" says Becky ''It is a nice field and bonnie is running around happy" says Luke.
I went for a walk with Damian [The Jedi Master] and came to some woods and found Mick sat on the grass with his usual can of beer looking drunk,Becky and Luke were playing on a piece of wood and they were both laughing and having fun. Then Mick says the magic words "Shall we build a Daadoo rail!" by Cleopatra ...
We are outpaced by Cleopatra and The Jedi Master on the way back and Me, Luke and Becky end up playing near the tower, Where the birds eat and playing lets balance on the railway lines.
A small amount of time loss then occurs and I find myself back at my flat with Luke, Hophead and The Jedi Master who is taking notes from Hop-head ..
Mick Getting Punched ....
Mick was dancing on the dance floor at Rooftop gardens Wakefield trying to pull a bird Hophead was sat at the table and being Hophead was enjoying all the {beep} who were all over him. But Mick was jealous and walked over and poured a pint of beer over a beeps head so Hop-head made Mad Prick. walk home from Wakefield but Hophead did feel bad but did not pick him up ... TA! THE JEDI MASTER. ...
It is Sunday morning and me and Luke have pedalled on to the end of Lower Quarry Road near the ICI barrier, Luke is telling me we are near The Sheep's House and his bike has blown over. ''Bloody hell Luke there is the ghost of John Ewitt"
''How you doing John what is the afterlife like then"
''Deeing wasn't So bad as I would of thought, I can still walk about in my olde farm, but, nobody can see me, except you and your son Luke, occasionally I visit "upstairs" where god is but they are always playing with their harps"
"So I tend to stick with my mates on The Earth Plane even though it is usually a one way conversation as really it always was"
Maybe I am approaching madness I think as I sit here on Sunday night listening to "Find The River" by R.E.M. why do I do this, write everything down like some crazy mad man.
I have felt more confused about life this weekend than I have ever have and I need to find my life again, I need to find the enthusiasm to study a worm the way that Becky and Luke do at witches wood and not be like Judy who when you throw a stick just looks at it and thinks what did you do that for?
They say the dog always ends up like its owner... _
JEOl MICHAEL PUBLICATIONS (01484 540101) CODE NZR30F. 14/3/99.
Some people choose to have long slow lives others live short but fast lives Some people choose to live life in the audience While a few more eccentric individuals take residence on stage.
The healthy way is to live the best of both worlds and venture into the spotlight then move into the audience and laugh at yourself MM The Meeting-...
The first departmental team meeting was held today at Sellers in an effort to cut production costs.
The idea was to have an introductory talk followed by a brainstorming session the talk was given by Mike Brook and explained the significance of these meetings, the high pound, decline in sales etc.
Then Curly Watts introduced the idea of Brainstorming and gave us a verbal description of a Fish-bone diagram which nobody understood but everybody except Tiny tears excepted the fact that nobody understood.
Curly assured us all after tiny tear's outburst that it was a simple line on a piece of paper but nobody had a magic marker for the Fish-bone diagram to be illustrated and nobody was really bothered about the technical aspects of Fish bone diagrams.
Next it was the chance at a brain-storming session with Mr Mike Brook taking notes of ideas. The question was why are we having these meetings and everybody had a chance to give an answer in sequence, if you couldn't think of anything you just said 'pass' it was a bit like the TV game-show 'Family Fortunes' Laa-Laa was first with "To save money" which Mike Brook immediately wrote down, Dipsy excelled his-self with a moving story of life on the shop-floor and the doom and gloom attitude handed down from management makes you feel really insecure, to which Mike Brook wrote down morale.
Raymond had a bit of a dig at Chiefy because Chiefy says what he thinks whereas most of us have a built in delay mechanism between what we think and what we say.
It was rapidly approaching my turn, I had an answer but was worried in case somebody else said it before me then I would look like a right idiot with nothing to say, I needn't of feared. . .
I said in the most intelligent voice I could muster 'positive Feedback' to which crazy said he was going to say that, Chiefy said 'That doesn't mean anything' to which I replied 'Yes but it sounds good, done it' On the second revolution more specific suggestions were made, LaaLaa started with 'Newcastle 3 Barnsley 1 ' and Dipsy continued his specially prepared morale speech.
We then had suggestions from fitters that pneumatic couplings should be kept in the pigeon holes in the fitting rather than in the stores, like nuts and bolts are.
The stores was mentioned and the suggestion of absent store-men was tossed around, here Big Brother came to the rescue saying The Captain was always sending the store-men on 'secret' missions thus explaining their absence.
If they kept the pneumatic thingys in the fitting they would be all over the floor the now Fully appeared Kevin said.
Mike Brook suggested when Mr Tommy Noon does his sweeping he could put them back in the pigeon holes like the nuts and bolts.
Laa Laa disagreed by saying 'he has never seen Noony sweeping', Onslo suggested moving the stores nearer the fitting.
My turn again so I suggested the barcode machine needs sorting out, to which chiefy said 'And here's the man to do it' Mike brook talked about untapped potential in the works that could be put to use.
Some fitters complained of bought out parts getting lost under benches etc, perhaps a better system of delivery could be made. .
SBSW attended but lacked the support of his department, he was absent of any followers.
Big Brother said a feasibility study was conducted some years ago on the subject of pneumatic couplings been stored in the fitting, the study gave a firm negative to its biracial viability Mike Brook inferred your mind like a parachute works best when its open.
This is an attempt for workers on the shop-floor to help Sellers via positive feedback, perhaps we could rota people throughout the works to attend. If we want to save our place of work and refuge may be with our input from the production line, we could help those who see a bigger picture.
Perhaps we could have elected spokesman for each department and elections for new spokesman every 3 months.
The spokesman then picking up ideas from the workers en masse Mike Brook said the meeting was a success and a memo will be placed on the notice- boards, We all left as Curly once again went through the Fish-bone diagram with Tiny Tears, I had beans on toast for dinner.
I was in for a terrible afternoon as a result of my last publication concerning an interview with a friend of mine who was getting his own back for me pissing on his foot on our annual Christmas booze-up General News From Around The Works---.Next..
General News collected from individuals around the work *Grumpy granvilles got munk on again, lottery donations to make him smile.
*An adopt a member of staff scheme was suggested by one individual, each person has a allotted member of staff and if they saw you in the street they could help you carry your shopping.
*An 82 year old superman used to work the saw 20 year ago this very day his name was
Duncan
*T-birds club has just started in Sellers machine shop, what you do is get someone to chalk all the T-Birds on the back of their overalls but one gets a T-Fish, the T fish of course thinks he has got T-Bird on his back.
Everybody takes piss and has a good laugh. . .
*The progress is getting a bit of a lighter atmosphere from the dark days when in its walls lurked Darth Vador.
SPORT SELLERS
Sellers Pool Team
Joe Pasquali , Alex Higgings , David Beckham , Willie Thorne , Graham Brooks Son
(born and bred) and the captain Fix.
'They started' said an anonymous source, 'in Section 12 and have progressed to Section 1, just one off the Elite premier Alex Higgins provides the supper of curries and chillies loved by all except Joe Pasquali (chemical symbol He) the substitute who likes ham potatoes and cabbage all the staff at Sellers world want to apologize for the inclusion of an interview with a gentleman in my last issue. Please except my apologies.
Communication with the Finger For thousands of years religion terrified the masses into control by way of fear In recent years modern science has come over with the idea, we are all physical beings of chance in a mindless world. Luckily original thought knows no horizons, to lead any sane form of living you need to be familiar with some form of life after death.
Quantum Electrodynamics at its latest theory suggest all matter is concentrated energy, this energy concentrates to matter when it is viewed through mind housed in a physical body.
A free mind knows of no such limits.
When we are alive we view but a tiny portion of the reality, our eyes are sensitive to a very narrow range of possible light in the electromagnetic spectrum for example.
We live in only 3 spatial dimensions where according to the latest theories The Universe itself has as many bas 10 spatial dimensions of existence along with the strange dimension of time.
Time will be perceived to move increasingly fast up to the year 2000.
Take a look at the pop-charts one week Madonna's No 1 the next she is No3 and someone else is there.
I arrived at work at Sellers which slants the other way nowadays after another night that I cannot remember but who cares we all die of something but I for one do not
want to end up in an old peoples home... . '
My first project to undertake was as it was my turn, to get on the saw; but, first I had to be sick. The Balloon Warden looked at me sympathetically as I dashed for the very toilets I saw The Finger ..
The Sellers people were very alive for a Monday morning, I was immidiately given three jobs to do, delivery of Sophie, the waggon was first by a very busy Ettie Wainthropp, he also added the word immidiately.
The second command was to empty the scrap bins by a very witty Chief)! and the third was given by a very bouncy Captain Beaky and this was to get all 69 and put it on the waggon with Dipsy before I took it up, this obviously out-ordered all previous command due to it been issued by a director.
I managed to move Sophie up to the Fitting just after a request to phone reception, thinking my flat at Bradley was being burgled again or even worse the CSA had found me and I would have to give up working I shot to the phone ...
It was Lady Penelope requesting a copy of the ageing bowling editorial that does really require a urgent face-lift, upon delivery of Sophie to Ettie Wainthropp's domain it was break-time ... and thankfully Born 2B Wild had took back over the sarnie duty.
Born 2B Wild has been to visit our sister company Disney land in Florida and says it feels like home from home and this fact has given him a zest for life, as a result of his return to duties I could enjoy a restfull as opposed to stressful break.
After break I emptied the scrap bins in the machine shop and having accomplished two of my tasks, I felt entirely on top of the situation and this gave me an enormous sense of well-being having the dreaded Sellers Disease.
It was about ten thirty by the time I started my proper job for the week. .. on't
saw .... boredom immidiately struck me .... , I was required to cut off a load of bits on 73 and on top off that the radio wouldn't work.
The Jedi Master arrived sometime in the morning on his multi-coloured rainbow bike, he had an urgent matter to discuss with me regarding a nut which had come loose on
his bike .
I showed him my job or at least the boring part on't saw using Mr Myoyghis old saw that seems to be somehow possesed by his spirit, he was most intrigued and remarked the job appealed to him, but, I soon assured him the novelty rapidly wheres off
After The Jedi Master was introduced to The Balloon Warden, Born 2B Wilde and Mr Blobby, I accompannied The Jedi Master to the Tinshop which is under the guidence of Stroll-On and Wonderwood.
I had left the saw automatically cutting some 7 an half diameter so it would take a good halfhour, you should of seen Dipsy's face when me and The Jedi Master did the Telletubbie salute through the Paint Shop Window.
I went back to The Hub Of Sellers after this unexpected visit by a Bradley character and bade a typically Bradley salute .. the saw was barely through the seven an half as The Pink Spindle Panther came down to cut some hollow-section.
Darth Vader also appeared with his new softened self esteem with regards whome he exchanges energy with, he even asked about Mr Myoyghi's adventures and said hello
to Born 2B Wild who nearly fainted. •
In the afternoon Aussie was joined with that guy from Jordan after he had spent the
morning with Capt. Cack; Aussie as usual seemed to enjoy the company and evem put a smile on his face occasionally as he cracked endless jokes about life on this planet.
I told Magic-man about my big dreams with the Internet. .. he then told me about Doom and Gloom's future collision and That Lady Laughter had crashed into a wheely-bin in her new 4 X 4 X far.
I then told Cheesy about a woman on the internet who stripped and.did cartwhhels on the net and earned over £2000 per week and said I was thinking of doing the same thing with my stories.
He said that I wouldn't earn even nearly that sort of money doing the same thing, I said no what if I write stories but first I will have to save up for a computer and a telephone; But, I added I will have to wait till after year 2000 due to the uncertainty that surrounds the event with regards to dissapearing (read The Celestine Prophosies). He said I wish you luck but, you must learn how to spell, I replied I no longer have a spell checker since Numbnuts "upgraded" my computer.
Later in the afternoon after Chiefy terminated my discussion with an order to fetch some ethyne from the Tin Shop the domain of The Tin Shop Poet, The Bionic Man and Mad Max ..... Downs Arrived ...
The saw was on automatic cutting some 115 diameter so I went to investigate what that huge beast of a casting was on the back of the waggon, Downs had brought a two ton casting that required drilling in order for an eye bolt to be put in for future lifting purposes. Dynamic Dave was required to do the job but first I had to negotiate the awkward lump off the waggon with the driver Goliath.
Gingerly I approached the slinging operation, I placed two blocks of wood beneath the slings to avoid them cutting and was watched by many spectators awaiting a disaster. Thank-fully a disaster did not occur however Goliath said he would work at Sellers for free in order to see Mary Poppins every day at Diet Coke Break, I said I get given money for the privilage of working here with the morale booster.
The crane however knackered up on the return joarney for the beast and this required me to fetch Herbert the Stacker to lift the beast into a position where the crane could lift it into a position in the middle of the waggon.
My dad, Wonderwoods comments er critisisms of my characters behaviour in the past which I am trying to somehow rectify were:-
"You met a right gem when you met her" refering to Pud ...
"There a dodgy job for a dodgy person" refering to the result of a recent visit from The Jedi Master from Bradley, but, he was kind enough to lend me a tenner so I could fuel this story.
The rest of the afternoon was mostly uneventful except for an entertaining discussion with Tinky Winky regarding retirement, but, still quarter to five still soon flew by and I was required to go back to my flat in Bradley.
I only found one person asleep in my shed, this wasn't bad for a Monday, Saz came out ofMos-Chops house to assure me my flat had been safe for the day .... I had to escape
from people to The Jungle ..
I write this story in the jungle, where I first read that book about Yoga Philosophy that inspired me to write my first story called "Thought Dynamics" back in 1996 it has since dissapeared from the library and no longer can be found in any bookshop.
It was apparent in that book that it is how we think that affects our future, if we think negative, we generally get what we expect, but, if we think positive [ultimate example: rain= liquid sunshine] we will get after a lot of practise (since 95% of an average persons thoughts are negative by habit) a very exciting possibility.
Positive thoughts produce active minds and this innitiates the dreams that "become future realities, remember we have another 5,000,000,000 years before the sun goes
Luke Aged 3 at the bowling tournament described below...
You always go too far, you behaved proper silly, my dad Wonderwood says to his 29 year old son as he reminises over yesterdays bowling pairs friendly knockout, You should be like me andstick to one coke, anyway I say thanks to Ettie Wainthropp, Dipsy and Lady Penelope for three of my pints.
The Great One, Master Chef, Chucky and Jelly head are four of the pseudonyms suggested for my absent partner who was busy in Ireland so a bit of rearranging by Capt. Xerox, and Cuz Wally was my new partner due to hisold partner, Danger
Mouse, also being absent. .
The only other absentee was The Pink Spindle Panther who was replaced by Capt. Xerox Junior to form a exceptional team with Uncle Col, so there was 30 of us resulting in one bye, all eager to get our hands on that wonderful trophy.
Hello William my friendly squirrel friends pops over fora visit asl am sat in my favourite place in the jungle, he makes some friendly squarking noises by way of acknowledgement ashe continues hisdaily hunt for nuts.
Our first match was me and Cuz Wally versus The Knight Rider and her ladyship Lady Penelope, both Cuz and Lady Penelope hadnever bowled before, so they hadto be introtftfced to the techical aspectsofbowling by their respective partners, and I must add their innitiation took up most of the match.
But happily the atmospherewas light and friendly with so many non bowlers present it had to be! Lady Penelope confusedusall with a few turnips as the sun came out in all itsglory for the first time for what felt like ages.
Me and Wally started on 11, Lady Penelope and The Knight Rider 9 but, with the The Knight Riders expert bowling they were soon in the lead winning 14/13. We surged ahead neck and neck right up to 19 accross as Lady Penelope and Cuz got the hang of it.
On our last end The Knight Rider had two six inchers on the jack as I aimed my last wood towards the target, Afeeling of Deja-vue over came The Knight Rider as his bowls were scattered in all directions, Cuz luckily had two back woods and these gave
us two, winning usour first match, what a team! ,
I then had a brilliant conversation with Pud who had brought her other son, Ben aswell as My son Bart Simpson who was busy getting to know Lady Penelope.
She said} know how you feel when an ex-partner in life, goes straight out with someone else, her ex-boyfriend having founda fifteen year old replacement, she hadjust won her first match against a follickly challenged Clive James and Coach's Wife with her partner Aussie.
She said she was looking for another guy with a long nose and admitted her attraction to Sir Tommy Noon of Tommy Noon Timbers alias Magic-mans conk ..
My dad Wonderwood returned after his battle with his partner Father Christmas against a formiddable force comprising of Pop and Joe Pasquali and-I enjoyed my can of Crest Super 10% and gave my partner Cuz Wally a caution to keep off the beer. But Pop and Joe Pasquali proved to be our stumbling block, we lost this match 21/16 after Cuz and me bowled a crap end losing afour.
My Mum, Battyeford Lill said she really enjoyed her match with Chuckles against Ettie Wainthropp and Coach, but Chuckles said Battyeford Lill's wrist kep't developing atwist at the last second before depositing her bowl resulting in the bowl going off at obscure angles from the jack.
Ettie Wainthropp after the match which he was victorious came overand thanked me for inviting him he said "Does too know one is having a good time", he was later in the
quarter finals against Capt. Cack and The Milky Bar Kid, but went on to win even that after a narrow victory in the latter match, winning 21120.
Dipsy despite his champion partner, Mystic Mark who lacked his lucky charm, Lady Luck nevereven made it into the quarter finals, losing 21120 against a future finalist couple comprising of Tin Snips and Goldenwood who incidently knocked out Capt. Xerox (who later gave mea bollocking) and his partner Zerina, them losing 17/21. They also thrashed Coach and Ettie Wainthropp 21113, the secret bowler was the new strength in the couples collective consiousness.
Princess Becka meanwhile had become very friendly with Lady Penelope, as I enjoyed
my seventh pint and I approach this grey areaof my consiousness with Caution .
I told Pud how much I loved her as the semi finalists approached their posts, all our clan had by now been eliminated.
Pop and Joe Pasquali had reached The Semi's knocking out Eather Christmas and Wonderwood and of course Me and Cuz en route with their eight handicap.
Of Course Uncle Col and Capt. Xerox Junior were their having slaughtered Aussie and Pud 21115 BItt destroyed Penfold and D.Rose 21115.
Coach and Ettie Wainthropp were there with Tin Snips and GoldenwoodasI outlined earlier.
Everybody enjoyed using beer as a social lubricant but some of us, namely Battyeford Lill enjoyed other forms of pleasure much to my super-sensible daddy, Wonderwoods displeasure.
The Semi final sits very vaguely in my memory being rather intoxicated, but, I am assured by everyone except my dad that I behaved normal, whatever that means? I distinctly remember Lady Penelope sat with Bart Simpson and Capt. Cack as I ordered my eighth pint from the bar.
By now Barny Rubble and his good wife had arrived along with Crazy and Wingnut, Crazy was wearing a strange gown and Father Christmas joked "Are you wearing that for a bet" to which Crazy responded with "You will be wearing my shoes shortly" but other than this outburst the atmosphere was walm and friendly and I think everybody who attended drew energy from the occasion ..
Uncle Col and Capt. Xerox Junior went on to beat Pop and Joe Pasquali 2119 and Goldenwood and Tin-Snips thrashed Ettie Wainthropp and Coach 21113 to make it to the finals.
But first it was tea time .... .1 had fasted for weeks ....
I now hold the guinness book of records world record for the most food on a plate and this was acknowledged by a bollocking from Capt. Xerox, my second bollocking in the space ofa week, the first given by 00810 .....
He there refered to my last publication that came as a result to a visit helped by himself to myoid friend Mr Myoyghi ....
He said I shouldn't laugh at others misfortunes, but, I think there are two options open to us in this life, either laugh or cry and I try to chose the latter, it helps my mind see
life in a more positive perspective... .
I cannot remember much about the finals, the bollocking off Capt. Xerox had knocked the stuffing out of me, well that and 10 pints, but, I am assured that Uncle Col and Capt. Xerox Junior beat Golden Wood and Tin Snips 21116.
All of us had recieved a sun tan off our nuclear power station in the sky, sol our sun and it was very obvious the next day at Sellers who had attended.
The Balloon Warden found a new assistant who incidently tried to follow him into a cubicle, it was at this point that The Balloon Warden released his assistant on a poor Dynamic Dave.
Chuckles was busy putting red boards behind all the fire extinguishers as I recovered
from an enormous hang-over, Wally said that Capt. Cack house is called Larchfield off the Fairway and Lady Penelope bought him a Bacon and Egg sarnie this morning
Saturdays bowling at Rastrick gave rise to the following chart
The next big event it is reported is the big cricket match between the works and staff, which I hope to be welcomed as part of the team and will hopefully follow it up with
