It has come to my attention as the father of one of your pupils Luke Schofield that my son was recently placed in an hour’s detention as a result of not having the correct PE kit.
The issue was initially raised by his mother and was further confirmed by the school in a phone call which took place this morning which I was informed that the “correct” PE uniform could only be purchased from a specific shop situated on Byram Street in Huddersfield.
The cost of the official PE kit is £30 which is as about 6 times the price of similar items found on the high street but they do not carry the official “Fartown School Label” and was what Luke was wearing when he was punished by the detention
I have also sent a copy of this letter to the OFT who you may or may not be aware launched an investigation into school uniform market after reports of exclusive “deals” between schools and their chosen uniform suppliers.
Apparently the OFT’s investigation will entail a survey of 10,000 schools to establish whether their uniform policy constitutes a restraint of trade. At the same time, the Department for Education and Skills is trying to clamp down on schools’ exclusive deals.
I am sure they will be very interested that not only have schools begun to use uniforms as a way of selecting pupils by stealth they are also giving out punishment to pupils who are not responsible themselves for their parents financial situation and leaving them to walk home after dark.
I will be expecting some explanation for the schools conduct in this matter and myself and Lukes mother have now bought the “official” PE kit we trust there will be no more detentions as a result of his clothing.
I may also add that treating Luke in this way makes him look disadvantaged in the eyes of his peers and I am sure you know only too well that this can lead to bullying and teasing
It has come to my attention as the father of one of your pupils Loopy Luke that my son was recently placed in an hour’s detention as a result of not having the correct PE kit.
The issue was initially raised by his mother, The Ice Queen and was further confirmed by the school in a phone call which took place this morning which I was informed that the “correct” PE uniform consists of a pink frilly dress, a pair of green wellys and a bonnet with a pom pom on and could only be purchased from a specific shop situated on Byram Street in Huddersfield.
The cost of the official PE kit is £30 which is as about 6 times the price of similar items found on the high street but they do not have the little love hearts on with the correct shade of pink and the exclusive happy bunny logos
I have also sent a copy of this letter to the OFT who you may or may not be aware launched an investigation into school uniform market after reports of exclusive “deals” between schools and their chosen uniform suppliers.
Apparently the OFT’s investigation will entail a survey of 10,000 schools to establish whether their uniform policy constitutes a restraint of trade. At the same time, the Department for Education and Skills is trying to clamp down on schools’ exclusive deals especially when it comes to wearing the strange outfits as outlined above.
I am sure they will be very interested that not only have schools begun to use uniforms as a way of selecting pupils by stealth they are also giving out punishment to pupils who are not responsible themselves for their parents financial situation and leaving them to walk home after dark.
I will be expecting some explanation for the schools conduct in this matter and myself and Lukes mother have now bought the “official” PE kit with the proper silver wand with the gold star on top and we trust there will be no more detentions as a result of his clothing.
I may also add that making Luke wear the above clothing makes him look a bit silly in the eyes of his peers and I am sure you know only too well that this can lead to bullying and teasing
When evil becomes so powerful and no longer knows no bounds it can become virtually invincible as our intrepid Jedi friends were to find at there cost and sanity.
Fubu man, The Gangster, Captain Caveman, Sharron, Mad Mick and Chucklevision were assigned by the Magic Pixie to restore peace and tranquillity to the planet earth, they were situated in a small village called Bradley in the Victorian town of Huddersfield on a pokey island called Britain.
Mad Mick had sadly fallen ill by over consumption of the divine poison which the way things were progressing was soon to drive the entire occupants of Britain into an uncontrolled frenzy including the very people that made and enforced the crazy laws which was the very fabric of the ideals which everyone had to live there lives by.
Poor Mad Mick was unfortunate enough to have a paid job in this crazy country, in fact he had worked for Marshalls for nearly three years, a nationwide leader in the manufacture of building materials however from the inside you might wonder as Mick occasionally did how in all the chaos and constant restructuring it managed to stay on top of the competion, in fact there was more politics in the many meetings which took place than inside the egocentric government which supposedly run the entire country!
Mad Mick was an extremely placid character and when doing his job which was majestically titled “Production Data Manager” he tried to build himself a cocoon of structure and normality to work in, he would then use divine poison when he got home to de-stress himself however as of late it had become all too much.
Ten days ago he was brought home to his mummy and daddy’s by his divisional sales director, Del-boy suffering from nervous anxiety coupled with clinical depression – not being a political animal and lacking Marshalls demeanour he had been paid pittance for all his mind blowing efforts and now was sadly placed on the sick by a NHS Healer he was also supplied some magic potion which would hopefully restore is sanity so he could at least pass for human.
With all these problems he had no choice but to withdraw temporarily from the escalating Jedi battle between good and evil until he felt a little better.
With the huge amount of spare time he had he would wonder along canal banks with his faithful Labrador cross called affectionately Mrs Boley* feeling disillusioned and melancholous with his entire life so far.
In truth it wasn’t really his place of work or his overindulgence on divine poison or even the fact his strange brother Forest was locked up in a medium security mental hospital.
*Mrs Boley was a kind hearted female dog who had become the sole friend to Mad Mick in these desperate times, when she was a young puppy she had nearly died when her lungs filled with blood due to a heart problem – she was saved by a top vet cardiologist and the operation is rumoured to have cost in the region of £2,500
It wasn’t his father, The Stealth Bombers severe disability caused by Parkinson’s Disease which left him wobbling around and a little unsteady on his pins that had brought Mad Mick to his knees, it was in fact the inability to have a proper relationship with his son due to him only having “contact” with him for six hours every fortnight. After seven years of continual weekends visits where they had grown to know one another like best friends and participating in numerous adventures with strange characters as diverse as Hamster-Spring-A-Leak to The Magic Pixies.
Acid Tongue, Luke’s Mum, had used the law via her solicitors to attempt to destroy their father and son relationship claiming Mad Mick was an unfit father, even though Luke longed to be reunited, she had claimed a whole host of totally false allegations against him.
It wasn’t even as if it was a fair battle as Mad Mick had to fight his corner with solicitors costing over 100 credits per hour while Acid Tongues battle even though she was on the offensive was free.
With Mad Mick firmly out of the picture she could now spit her venom at the rest of the Jedi.
It turned out that Acid Tongue had for the tenth time decided to call it a day with her current partner Mr Humpy-Lumpy and this was influenced by a series of actions on Mr Humpy-Lumpy’s part culminating with him throwing a cig docket in her potatoes has she tried to cook dinner for her three young siblings Luke, Obiwan and Lea as well has throwing her down a flight of stairs, using her as an ashtray by docking cigs on her forehead and locking her DHSS books in his car when she had a meeting to get a new council house.
She had finally decided to have another break and for the time being anyway she has moved back to Bradley with a friend called “The Queen Of The Underworld”
Acid tongue in all fairness had not been seduced by the Dark Side of the force until she shacked up with that vindictive control freak Mr Humpy-Lumpy and Luke wanted so much to have the caring and considerate mummy he once knew back however has the saying goes “once you start down the road to the dark side forever it will shadow your destiny” and it seem that Acid tongue could only become further entangled in the Grim Reapers bidding.
Acid tongue had however a further vendetta on her part, someone had informed the Ministry Of Credits that she was fiddling the system and as a result they had stopped all of her income pending an investigation, the informer was likely to be some neighbour from Humpy Lumpy’s neighbourhood however Acid Tongue was quick to point the finger of Blame first at Mad Mick but with her phenomenal brain power she managed to deduce that this his son in her care surely it would be like shooting himself in the foot.
Her next line of attack was the occupants of The Gangsters Paradise whom she had been feuding with for some time due to The Gangster having pinched her fridge and her microwave and sold them for scrap and she had punched Pointed Sarah, a couple of times who was The Gangsters niece.
The Gangsters paradise was still the same as it always was, plenty of divine poison flowed at all hours of the day along with many other mind wobbling herbs and spices, it was also the home of Captain Caveman, Sharron and The Gangster.
Captain Caveman would still awake before the dickey birds to enjoy his early morning rendezvous with the milkmen returning in time for his favourite TV program “The Boobars” in which Rocket had just been released from Solitary confinement and was now having a gay relationship with Todd of coronation street and has caused a bit of trouble there but that’s another story.
The next TV program to watch on their busy daily schedule is Trisha which signalled the commencement of the days drinking sessions which the Gangster and Captain Caveman would continue well into the evening occasionally having a break for a little food sometimes.
Captain Caveman it was rumoured by his brother Blankfire could swear long before he could talk and would have instead of milk in his baby bottle but super strength lager or if none of that was available mentholated spirits would have to do.
Occasionally the Gangsters and Caveman’s day would be interrupted by a visit from their mentors Chucklevision and The Shadow, Chucklevision being famous from having discovered the secret hideout of the Magic Pixie before he did a runner for another Galaxy.
Chucklevision always carried all his worldly possessions in a rucksack strapped on his back and a little red LED fastened to the front of his pedal bike and a walkman surgically attached to his ears playing his latest music – Jason Donovan, he was also a member of the “happy bunny club”
The Shadow could always be found somewhere around Chucklevision like a Siamese twin the only time Chucklevision was parted fro The Shadow was when he was on a secret mission like the Jedi Training at witches wood.
Indeed the Jedi Training from The Magic Pixie a strange looking bald green monkey looking creature with a walking stick and ears like an Alsatian dog was now a distant memory almost a far off dream as was the advice passed on by the little chappy something about rising above all the destructive influences which surrounded most of modern society today.
Only Sharron, The Gangster & Caveman’s housemaid / butler could see the error of their ways and the direction which their narrow visions were taking them. She would do her best to look after them, iron their clothes and feed them good food fit for a king.
Safe be said that most of the nourishment ended up on the Bathroom floor especially when The Caveman’s son Fubu Man and his mistress The Cavegirl came to visit
The Gangster had carried out this lifestyle since he had split up with ex-wife Dominating Donna due to her committing adultery with Captain Caveman’s Brother Blankfire.
Dominating Donna had 2 children, one called CK (which was short for Clarke Kent since he was a big fan of Superman) and another called Squeaky to Mad Mick’s brother Forest who was suffering from schizophrenia after throwing someone’s bike in the canal, attacking someone with a hammer who was eating a McDonalds and assaulting a group of railway repair men.
Squeaky was a member of “The Children of the Revolution” and also the author of stories as diverse as “Pig in the Pond”, “How to drive your Grandma nuts” and “The Frog and The ant have a race” she was known as squeaky on account of her high pitched voice and was like Chucklevision a member of the “happy bunny club“.
Her mummy, Dominating Donna was initially tempted to side with the darker forces in this war; however as of late she had taken a more neutral back seat after seeing her sister as a constant reminder preferring to concentrate her energy as a marketing manager for McDonalds
Captain Caveman expressing his opinion of a football team aged 14 months
Now Acid tongue desperately wanted revenge for being bubbled to The Ministry of Credits and as I have said her finger was permanently pointed at The Gangster and using her influence from The Queen Of The Underworld she summoned five hooded creatures to teach The Gangster a lesson which he wouldn’t forget.
These menacing individuals wore hoods over their invisible heads as the inside of the hood was empty and only darkness could be seen by anyone peering in, for transport the rode high powered motocross bikes and for weapons they each carried a hammer
The Gangster and Captain Caveman were in their usual inebriated condition and were sitting ducks for what was about to occur, The Gangster was always complaining that his Citroen xsara Picasso had no air conditioning now that wasn’t a problem anymore since it had no windows
The Gangster then received a black eye when he attempted to go out side and negotiate a settlement with the hoods and his room window was also obliterated, “It was over in minutes” said Captain Caveman the next day, “I was totally cabbaged at the time of their attack but it’s unfair because he wasn’t guilty of anything”
The local law enforcement were called on the Gangsters mobile phone however when he gave them the mobs descriptions of empty hoods that were devoid of any faces they became lethargic with their response and said the possibility of catching these individuals was practically zero
So now the Jedi it seems are on the retreat, the darker forces are despite the Magic Pixies premonitions being overwhelmed by evil and are falling fragmented and isolated into the abyss.
Needless to say the Gangsters speeder was repaired the very next day but not before the entire neighbourhood had time to have a good gossip about the situation even Zooming Jason not been known to be out during daylight hours passed by with Acid Tongue in his truck to have a look at the remains of the gangster’s windows
Another advert for slim fast by dominating Donna just before she got the sack from Marketing Manager at Slim fast
As time moved forward the Jedi’s fortunes were about to make a well earned change for the better, Mad Mick started seeing a Psychotherapist on a regular basis and cut down thoroughly on his intake of divine poison.
Luke gave an excellent report to the CAFFCASS officer about the right to see his daddy on a more regular basis meanwhile The Gangster had a new kitchen and bathroom fitted in his council house and some central heating which he will probably never afford to use because he needed all his money to buy loads of cans of divine poison.
In the future there is Judgement Day on Wednesday 30th June when Mad Mick fill face the dragon Acid Tongue for the final battle
Just recently Mad Mick has been feeling really tired in the daytime to such an extent that he has been unable to concentrate at all and found himself with eyelids with lead weights on them as he sits at his desk at his wonderful place of work.
The reason for this was his nocturnal activities where he would become the Muffin Man and he would resume his role as a vigilante superhero ridding the local towns and cities of crime and fighting with forever multiplying enemies, the muffin man also helps children with their homework and everyone thinks he is stupid but really he is far beyond mere mortals.
Tonight he had just returned from Darth Mauls house with Luke his son (who is training to become a future legend himself and sees himself has a more modern Star Wars character) but as of late Muffin man was finding his powers somewhat inexplicably diminished, he could until just recently shoot webs like Spiderman however Asda had run out of refills until week on Wednesday so this power was now out of order.
He can still climb up walls and use a light sabre with the best of the Jedi Masters and everyone loves him because he has got funny looking trumpet ears like Shrek and four metallic arms similar to vacuum cleaner hoses like Dr Octovarius.
Mad Mick the daytime version of Muffin Man had been to the doctors and explained his predicament and the doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist and now the psychiatrist is taking anti depressant tablets
Unstable person is Freddys friend and freddy and Unstable person are waiting for a bus at the bus stop. The bus comes and freddys got no change but Mr Unstable person as so because they are friends and the bus comes.
So Mr Unstable person gives his a pound and they get on the bus and Freddy says “hurry up” to the driver.
Freddy gets annoyed so he kills the bus driver and he drives and smashes into every car possible and the police sends after him and Mr
Unstable gets mad and the bus shakes and swerves and Mr Unstable person says let me drive.
Freddy says no you can not Mr Unstable says don’t make me get mad.
Freddy shoots off the drivers seat ans Mr Unstable starts to drive.
They get to town, they go into town and go into a shop and Freddy does not have enough money so he says please let me off.
The people who are serving him say no no no.
Mr Unstable person comes and says lets go or we will hurt him Freddy says don’t hurt these innocent people.
Mr Unstable Person screams he thought the like he is a gangster and the shop starts to crack because he argued and the people cracked up and he screamed really loud the shop stays up though.
They both say fuck you.
“I’m going home” says Freddy, “You’re so mean”
“Whatever” says Mr Unstable, “You’re weak
Freddy says “I can be more mean if I want”
Freddy suddenly disappears and comes back fresh Freddy.
Freddy says “bring it on to Mr Unstable”
“Nobody calls me that” says Mr Unstable
“I just did” says Freddy
they keep walking and get on the bus, they pay, they argue
Freddy says “stop it now and get out”
Freddy sends Mr Unstable out in the front of the bus, Freddy gets in control of the bus. Freddy crashes into Mr Unstable
Freddy says no complaining while the bus is in motion
I am writing in response to a letter I received recently from you concerning the tenancy of the property 52 Fartown Green Road Huddersfield and the properties state of repair during the rental of the property to Mr Michael Biro.
Firstly I must point out that the property does not belong to me but in fact is owned by my son, Mr Timothy Schofield however I have had to take responsibility for it for the last three years or so due to my son suffering from Schizophrenia.
Timothy was confined to a secure unit in a mental hospital at Wakefield namely Fieldhead situated on Ouchmore Lane and then later transferred to The Castle Hill Unit at St Lukes hospital in Huddersfield before finally being released under our supervision on the 4th October last year.
He is visited weekly by a nurse and a social worker but he is certainly far from being able to make any decisions for himself and has a result I have had to act on his behalf with regards to the best interest of his Mortgage etc.
I was at first very doubtful about renting out the property knowing very little with regards to the law regarding landlords and tenants but enough to know that usually it ended up being more trouble that it was worth.
Just over one year ago however I was approached by a friend of a friend namely Mr Michael Biro who was in desperate need of accommodation having been evicted from council property on Browning Road Sheepridge and it was reported that he was temporarily living in a tent in a neighbours back garden.
Taking pity on Michael and knowing that 52 Fartown Green Road was stood empty I took the decision upon some persuasion by Michael to let him live in the property as a tenant and I didn’t even ask him for a bond in fact I initially gave him 100 pounds to decorate the house with.
Further visits to the property revealed that cash gestures such as the above were clearly wasted since the money was obviously spent on considerable quantities of alcohol and drugs and did not serve any purpose with regards to upgrading the property which the tenant had verbally promised.
I must had that all this is a considerable strain on myself since I am 68 years old and suffering from the progressive stages of Parkinson’s Disease after having the complaint for more than a decade.
It is also very untrue that I have made no repairs to the property only last year Mr P Dutton from Kirkheaton did some work on the house and I also had a gas fire fitted by a Mr P Smith a registered Corgi Engineer.
Last month I went to some considerable trouble to organize a plumber to visit the premises making the necessary arrangements to obtain transport to meet outside the property and having to pay a call out fee.
I have two witnesses to the fact that we were denied entry to the property by a inebriated Mr Biro at substantial cost to myself as well as all the stress of trying to organize the visit since Mr Biro was clearly incapable of acting coherently.
Having said all that therefore I would be pleased if Kirklees council could undertake whatever work is necessary to bring the property into satisfactory condition and I will undertake to pay any reasonable costs.
I hope this letter merits your concern however I must had that if you had not evicted Mr Biro in the first place none of this would of occurred.
It is not good for you to be too educated the more you know the more questions you find to ask. I have always lived my life with my street mates despite my achievements on the academic ladder.
From my street mates a feeling of belonging somewhere for the first time in my life, we all help each other not by material benefit but by being there for each other in times of need, for this Bradley life is the best.
Today l was woke up after a lively debate on my doorstep the previous night at 10:30 am. by The Jedi Master for our weekly shopping trip, but due to having a day off we had mutually agreed to go earlier.
Even a simple thing like shopping at LIDL I find is always an journey into the unknown future and LIDL is a bit like Sellers in its crazy atmosphere especially when you are with The Master of The emerging Jedi race.
There is a very attractive and energetic checkout girl there usually but she wasn't present today because we was too early we then called at the Travellers Rest in upper Hopton before attempting the descent via Paul Lane back to Bradley on Bessie.
I have great difficulty simply relaxing in company and this is acknowledged by most of my fellow Bradley people who have labeled me ''Mad Mick'' for jumping off bridges and other manic behavior.
Anyway Me, Saz and Laz have just redone my bedroom with the carpet out of the Ex Captain's office and the Bed-setee kindly dropped off by Sir Thomas Noon of Tommy Noon Timbers PLC (since disbanded and now referred to as Magic-man).
I often wonder why I write all these stories, I am sure everybody does but it makes me feel better psychologically and it is a stated fact that most psychics suggest to write down what you think occasionally.
Because I am so used to working at Sellers in this lazy generation the young youths regarded me with awe the speed I organised the carpet laying tournament, but this is the normal speed we work at Sellers.
It was a weird day off as I sat in the Jungle in the pouring rain with a beer, as if the world could no longer carry on this linear way and we were about to hit proper chaos, the weather being the first effect The famous millennium bug is just the tip of the iceberg, I think as Robbie Williams sings ''Millenium'' his new hit single following that brilliant ''Angels'' and that Oasis inspired ''Let Me Entertain You" Life on Bradley estate is so full of characters that you simply cannot ignore them, a hopelessly drunk person is now leaning against the nextdoors railings and chatting to the girl in the flat above called Mos-chops.
I have just given our local newsagents a copy of "In Connection To The Force, Mad Mick XRIR'' to scramble his brain after that ''Teletubbie Story'' (their labelling) called ''All By Myself' which they say they enjoyed.
In Connection To The Force is definitely the most popular story I have ever written in Bradley but despite this seemed to have very little impact at my work-place Sellers, it was definitely heavily inspired by my Jedi Master.
I have enjoyed a day off and watching the Mad Bradley youths scrable for some meaning in this existence, the last gasp is being uttered by those who are controlling us through money, as the pressure builds up against them.
Ironically we are all beating their corruption by those of us on the grass roots level pure love for each other, by our mutual respect, and our ability to stack together.
I adjust a part of the Bradley network , I do my bit for the community of individuals who want freedom from the Governments last ditched oppressive regime.
I am the original educated idiot, you scientists must see that quantum mechanics indicates this world is more complex than we previously imagined though I am sure in the next hundred years a new understanding of our place in the Universe will expand from it in the general person.
Think of life as your TV screen which you can actually interact with if you want to, through your eyes you are on the stage when you are interacting with another individual otherwise you are in the audience.
The Idiot part of me reaches rapore with the unfortunate souls of Bradley who are sailing along on the rock bottom while the educated part of me reasons with Quantum Physics on a whole new level- Thought and Life After Death...
When you are thinking just what are you doing but tuning into different thought patterns of everyone who has ever lived.
A1l my life I have had to put up with somehow being different from everybody else.
''They broke the mould when they made you", has been the familiar quote echoed so many times Even at Sellers where there is a huge range of strange characters I stick out like a sore thumb.
The thing that makes me feel so apart from everybody else, so different, so strange, so unique is that deep down in the deepest levels of my mind I fed that I have lived before.
Reincarnation is a subject that is the very centre of Eastern religions however in our technologically superior Western society it is simply swept under the carpet Life after the event we label death is definitely a taboo subject in the Western world and anyone in recognition of such experiences is labelled as mod by the collective majority.
There is also the media, who are controlled by the global elite, and weather we like it or not we are all brainwashed into certain common beliefs, it makes society much easier to control and in our masses we all gradually learn to conform or be ridiculed.
Remember your mind can be likened to an umbrella or a parachute... Your mind works best when it is OPEN have you ever wondered why life was more rewarding in Floating Ronnie's era, we have turned into a society of closed minded couch potatoes.
I believe we have all lived before and most of us will live again because it is here on the physical plane where we have to overcome obstacles and face many set backs in order for our souls advancement in the spiritual realm.
It is by adversity that we learn wisdom, it is the darkness and loneliness where we learn to take control of our emotions, it is times of hardship that makes us strong.
We are all in the very deepest level a tiny drop of spirit in a huge spirit ocean, the huge spirit neon could be labelled God and spirit itself is a form of pure energy.
Our minds are the receiving station and our brains are like a filter allowing us to function in the dense physical world and providing us with the illusion of three dimensions of space and one of time, the stage for our ads we label as lives.
Our brains could be likened to a radio receiver, tuning into a narrow band of frequencies from a huge continuum, the tuner is the present, the 'now' and the past is the lower frequencies while future is the higher frequencies.
Language is unable to put into words what the vast majority of us are unfamiliar with for example try explaining to a man blind from birth what it is like to see or what the colour green 1ooks like; so we have to resort to analogies.
Many of us are however familiar with our nightly adventures in dreams and some of us are visited in our dreams by long departed relatives and friends
In one of my past lives, I was a woman called Mary and I remember vaguely living in London during the great depression of the thirties.
I know I had a son and a daughter and a violent drunken husband. times must of been very hard then because my vague memories are full of fear and a lot of black depression.
I have fleeting memories of my death in a mental hospital somewhere in London and sometimes these memories have given me nightmares especially in my younger years caused by the feelings of guilt when I left my children behind using the ultimate selfish act of suicide.
I remember traveling down a tunnel a bit like the one that used to feature at the start of Dr Who and absolute terror...., ..
The in between life phases are very difficult to describe in ordinary everyday language, an overwhelming feeling of peace where the soul needs a lot of rest was the first sensation I experienced.
Time and the three dimensions of space no longer exist as separate entities but merge into four dimensions and an existence where all is the eternal 'now' and travel is instantaneously propelled by thought alone.
In our etherreal bodies we are simultaneously part of a gigantic collective force field of life itself but also aware of our individual soul and all the incarnations we have suffered in the past stretching back to infinity.
Every thought you think is immediately apparent to all your fellow beings at the same state of vibration and your fellow beings feel like friends who you have shared many incarnations with you, it is with great happiness to be reunited with them.
You immediately feel their love and look back on your last lifetime at the lessons you have learned and remember their guidance although at the time in your past life you see the help as coincidence and synchronoustic events.
With each successive lifetime we advance together as a group up this vast continuum of vibration to higher and higher planes and this is Spiritual evolution...
I remember very vividly being told that my next incarnation was to be a very tough test, but a test I have to pass with no backing out this time and help from ''my friends'' would be very limited with the record number of incarnations passing through the gateway into the dawning of a new millennium and a new era.
Your 'life' is chosen for you by much higher, wiser and older spiritual beings in order for you to face the lessons you need to learn and advance up the spiritual ladder, for advancement is always upward and never down.
I was chosen to become Michael Schofield, the son of a very extrovert mother called Mavis Schofield and a very introverted father nick named by all his fellow work mates "Wonderwood" I now see myself facing a precipice, everything is changing faster and faster as we approach the turning of the millennium indeed events have gradually gained momentum throughout the present century we only have to look back a little to notice the change now.
Floating Ronnie's era seems almost alien to a lot of us...
We now live in times of great uncertainty, some of us are unable to see stability in their lives just a week into the future and security is a thing of the distant past.
It is pure love for our fellow men that will guarantee us a rewarding passage into the near future, the times of greed and self centred thoughts are past and will achieve you nothing except deep black depression.
The vast hierarchies are crumbling at their very roots, for many of these huge structures belong to a time in the past where a straight jacket of fear not love kept the masses in control.
We welcome a new time of understanding and peace, because a small amount of love will conquer a lot of hatred.
Remember FEAR stands for False Evidence appealing Real and we need not fear the future but most welcome it with open arms....
The government do not like this plant that has exotic properties when it is eaten, smoked or drunk in the form of herbal tea because it connects the average person more squarely to the force- an energy field that surrounds all living things.
They try to stop us common mortals taking this substance because they realise the common man is easier to control if he cannot really think for himself, but, however, they are tailing in their efforts as we approach the tum of the millennium.
All the public propaganda is no longer feeding the publics attitude to the same extent as it used to as a great majority of us tum away from the paternal government and discover in ourselves that they just look after their own arses.
Our network of companionship in Bradley is getting more connected because we all help each other out in this incarnation through the gateway to the new millennium, and cannabis is the medicine we need.
Cannabis helps you feel more relaxed in your relationship with others, it brings other people closer to each other as the plant diminishes our fear of the central control and makes us realise just where the collective consciousness is in the daily battle.
Time goes faster when you are high, this is a stated faet, when we die we go to a world where time gradually fades into a fourth dimension of space, and it is here we discover how our incarnation that we have just experienced has helped to advance the collective whole. Cannabis is like a glue that brings us all together, even my mum Battyeford Lill and my dad Wonderwood enjoyed that lovely cup of tea at Becky's birthday party, it has cahned there anxious minds enormously.
A friend in need is a friend indeed but a friend with weed is a most important connection, there are a few pioneers who dare to defy the paternal government who outlaw the plant's herbal properties, and these are the champions of the force.
Cannabis allows you to escape from your earthly duties that are from the instinctive part of the human mind and allow a more strong connection with the spiritual mind, but some people who do not believe in an afterlife full asleep or wonder around confused after a joint.
The main ingredient in Cannabis is a chemical which allows our brain improved reception a bit like an aerial on a TV set can be moved to optimum position for a clear picture, only our brain acts like a radio receiver to the fourth dimension.
After that lovely cup of tea my parents became much more human and treated me, Becka and Bart more like the individual human souls we actually are, the human soul has travelled through a lot of incarnations to be where it is today.
It is true that age makes a person wiser but age really is the number of deep connections a human soul has had with the rest of humanity, isolation is a key tor disaster but the government like us to be isolated but it is all changing as economic meltdown is the threat for year 2000.
In Bradley Arrow has the. finger on the button and has already passed through the gateway and is busy helping the other unfortunate souls through the doorway, he is our new leader a person we all look up to, admire and respect.
Arrow has a lot of connections with nW1Y individuals including myself and is a very active guy being in charge of the Bradley Mafia and responsible tor pulling the Bradley people into the newera.
My brother Forest Gump has given up connecting with others and look at the state of his soul as he wonders around aimlessly wearing out shoes and growing his hair, he is a dark Jcdi consumed by hatred unable to see the error of his ways.
Come on Forest a good spliff will do you good look at your mum and dad after that eup of herbal tea, this story is a connection to the force dedicated to our Bradley Jedi named Arrow who has a brother who is the supreme Jcdi Master
If you tolerate this of course your children will be next is now at number five as 1 have another
joint after taking bart out to see the hamsters who still watch our planet seeking to find a connection to our collective consciousness
Hi I am an Hamster
An Hamster is an archetype from the fourth dimension or perhaps an invader of consciousness
from another planet..... .
Cannabis is a mild hallucinogenic in that you may sec some things that really do not exist in every bodies personal sight, but, these are simply your guardian angels who like Robbie
William's Angels arc here to protect us. .
Booty Call by All Saints is nwnber one again and Drowned World is number 27 down seventeen places from it's new entry position number ten, I enjoy my fifth splifftoday but two have been shared by the Jedi Master.
What a lousy summer what happened to our love the world is crazy my lucky love can still be
gone .1ucky in 10ve??? Echo beach out on the road today and the voice inside my
head said don't look baek. summer has gone.
Emma from down the road is now knocking at my door and my window why 1 don't know shall I find out, of course she wanted a cig and a bit of recognition for a incamation that is spiritually dead, she sees no future .... The gateway we must all pass is shielding it.
Me and The Jcdi Master have had an exchange of collective thoughts down at echo beach he said he had an argument with Cleopatra the other night and rollicked me down there for spilling the beans on where Pud and Speedy had just been
Bart says he does not want me interfering with his mums domestics with her next door neighbour, he says his world with me is completely un-connected to the real world, I said I will always be there for you ... Luke (Bart) is only three and he takes care of his mum already ..
She has been in a lot of trouble recently with her next door neighbour recently regarding her male appeal and this has left her a bit confused and she wants an house in Bradley to be with
her friends she has always known .
What we think is what we are that is why 1 am having another spliff from
Arrow. beer is not the answer for me I know that...just had one of those hot
chillies added to some pasta and my mouth is burning ..
So Arrow this is what pure cannabis makes you do, but that extra hot chilli powder from bhullars is extremely hot my mouth feels like its on fire here's the second helping arrived.
In Bradley, when you arc connected the collective consciousness will always look after you and cannabis 1 believe is the social glue in our network.
... Papa I know your going to be upset cos you always taught me right from wrong but I have made up my mind 1 am keeping the connection, but my friends keep on telling me to give it up but why should I
Cannabis is a plant that grows in the ground that the Big Brother regime no longer believe in despite its energising effects ..... Thank god Arrow is still keeping supplies coming
PART I There is a fine line between GENIUS and INSANITY
I was born on 10th April 1969 to my mum, Mad Mave and my dad Tufty ....
In my younger days I was very shy socially probably due to my very sheltered upbringing which my parents discouraged me to make friends, but I had plenty of advice from them how I should live my life.
My dad did not believe in drinking alcohol and constantly lectured me throughout my life about its dangers but failing to see this advice was driving me to experience the Frorbidden fruit .. When I started disobeying my fathers rules was when I started sneaking off to the Prince Of Wales pub in Brighouse with a few oflong term mates, Adja Sumerville and Hop-head, I learned from them two friends how to enjoy oneself instead of cramming ones head with useless facts, up to this I was a shy boy with a very inquisative mind
Up to the age of seventeen I had had no more than a can of Newcastle Brown and never thought of smoking tobacco let alone cannabis but things as always were to change!
But I did still have one quest that has always remained with me "Why are we here" and this resulted in me deciding to take a degree in Theoretical Physics at York University, Physics explains how the Universe itself works and what it is made from ..
When I started University in October 1987, I did not know anybody nor did I really attempt to know anyone, I was too inhibited and couldn't use alcohol socially because I rapidly act very silly - but I would look forward eagerly to go to The Rooftop Gardens with my mates and become "Michael Madonna" and dance to any Madonna song.
This I continued for most of my University life, I found the frontiers of physics exciting but also cold and depressing like something was left out. only the subject of Quantum Mechanics appealed to me because it had opened the door to something bigger ..
In 1989 when Madonna's Like A Prayer single was causing outrage in the media but at same time earning her her sixth Number One single, Hop-head had become aquainted with a girl called Lou (this later went on to a disasterous marridge) and Adja got to know a girl called Roxette.
I was gradually left alone by my two best mates, but I was too busy enjoying myself being outrageous at weekends, soon the visits to the Wakefield nightlife were to stop and I was introduced to Chemical Meditation by Steptoe ...
Here began a long slide down into the dark arms of depression ....
TheresA Fine Line Between Love &- Hate. .. PART II
In July of 1988 we had arranged to go On holiday to Butlins Skegness and here I met a brilliant girl called Jane she realised there was something wrong with my manic behaviour between states of high energy and states of low energy which lam intensly nervous but she saw through that and tried to help the person inside.
When I got back from that holiday which a then Jolly Hop-Head drove Me and Adja back I cried to Madonna's "Crazy For You" in memory of Jane I loved her but was scared oflove I had never felt it with any other girl and I had had a few brief liasons up to this point.
I went to see Jane over in Wigan about three times and wrote numerous letters but decided to end the relationship - she responded by phoning me up nearly every week until 199 I and this scared the life out of me.
In December of 1989 I had met a 13 year old Acid Tougue through one of my mates sisters (Steptoe again!) she fell deeply in love with my motorcycle and eventually for Me ..
I was aged 21 and she was only 13 but we went everwhere together when I finished University in 1990- "More reasons to shop at Morisons" was' her most romantic jesture but I admired her
"Frozen" attitude to the developing relationship.
In July 1990 I had a near death experience when my petrol tank inexplicably exploded dowsing
me in burning petrol which I managed to put out using a near by cow-bath and resulted in me having 33% burns and a Lifetime of 11 weeks in Pinderfields Hospital..
Pinderfields 1990 Julv-SeptPART III
I just felt numb allover but strangely calm I ran to a near by farm because I knew I needed medical help fast and they gave me a lift to Staincliffe hospital who asked me to take a seat and it was this that drove me hysterical and they realised the full extent of my injuries ..
Has I slipped into unconsciousness they must have found out from me my parents number, I remember I wouldn't tell them at first because I didn't want them to know, I thought I would be out of hospital in a few days.
They summoned my father and I was rushed late at night to Pinderfields hospital with my dad in the ambulance, this I can't remember.
My next memory was coming round swathed in bandages about 48 hours later feeling absolutely red hot and searing pain allover my body, I was in a little room in Pinderfields hospital, every movement caused more pain, it was terrifying,
It was a red hot day and I was so hot I thought I would pass out, a nurse came in and I think I asked her what day it was, she told me it was Friday and said I had made it through the first 48 hours, she was like an angel.
When my mum and dad arrived later I said I didn't want to see them and told them to go away, which must of upset them enormously but I was in a state of utter shock, thinking I would have to spend another six weeks like this.
I have vague memories of the next few days, but the worse part was the salt baths every two days I think they were, they would peel all the bandages off then lower the table into the salt water, when they did this I breathed a gas and air mixture which made you feel high.
I always felt thankful when the baths were over and the bandages were back on and I could go back to my own room and watch TV.
I spent eleven weeks in there, the first five weeks skin was gradually peeled off and I was put on stronger and stronger painkillers until I was on morphine solution, it was agony, but the nurses were bnlIiant.
At night I could here breathing in my room like there was somebody else there and often woke up seeing unknown visitors standing round my bed they had a comforting and healing presence that I looked forward to the night.
My best friend Hop-Head and his wife Lou visited me every week, Hop-Head would sneak the odd can of beer for me, I looked forward to their visits and am very thankful to have such a good mate as Hop-head, we have always stuck by each other.
My mum or my dad visited me daily and I gradually got to know them again, remember I had not been speaking to them properly for a long time since I had sunk into depression, I realized they were great parents, if it had not been for these regular visitors I think I would have cracked up.
"Rescue Me" LONG ROAD BACK PART IV
In April 1992 "Rescue Me" by Madonna, a third single from her new greatest hits collection "The Immaculate Collection" and I had recovered a lot physically and yes Acid Tougue had stuck by me and moved in at my Parents house along with her sister Dominating Donna who was lodging with my brother Forest.
It was a this point in my life that Sellers offered me employment as a labourer in the Progress with Mr. Myoyghi who pestered me with his dying love for Dominating Donna until he was made redundant in 1997, but he was a good mate I will always remember ..
I grew in the only way I could from this point, gradually building something approaching a social life I got to know Darth Vador and our then acting Vador sentry Dissapearing Derek (who has now dissappeared) who was soon superseded by the Balloon Warden.
I gradually learned to use social skills I thought I would never learn, but in general most employees thought I was a bit strange and at home Dominating Donna was pregnant to my brothers first child Princess Becka, so they bought' a haunted house at Fartown.
But from 1991 to 1994 we went on many holidays to ButIins and Camping, we had a great time and those were the golden years of our relationship, we lived to enjoy ourselves but in 1994 as 111 Remember echoed in the charts Acid Tougue left a devastated Mad Mick who was now on a day release course in Computing ..
She returned to me after her new boy friend hit her, I realised I was her Father Figure for the first time in my life and it hit me hard. She became pregnant with Bart sometime in June of that year.
We moved into a private rented Back to Back on Oak Road bradley and It was hard so we were soon roped in by our next door neighbours into Amway the business dreams are made of and the two worlds divided.
Acid Tougue was happy being herself, We split up after She became pregnant and started dating Zooming Jason, Captain Caveman, Dum Dum Damian after previously exploring with Steptoe.
I lost touch with reality from that point on but tried to keep working and seeing my son, Bart, I soon moved back to my mums, and was back in time to have a christmas when Madonna's Dont Cry For Me Argentina reach Number 3 in 1996.
1997 saw me make a detennined effort to take my son and niece on wild adventures in the Jungle and Acid Tougue and Zooming Jason became a couple, Princess Becka loved her UncIe Michael and Bart loved his Dad, I wrote ffTHE REAL JUNGLE" then and I started writing on my computer.
It was February 1998 and I had moved from my mums to a rough experience at the haunted house at Fartown finally bewildered and battered to a Lovely flat at Bradley before I had any success "Tour OfSeIlers" went down a storm at my work-place.
I stilI took Bart and Princess Becka on adventures but I knew they were beginning to grow up into individual characters often in quantum leaps, suddenly the whole world took on a new meaning for me which I am stilI feeding from.
Following Tour Of Sellers I was allotted Pink team squadron leader in our cost saving meetings at my place of work I responded with classics such has Laughter The Best Medicine, Synergy & Brainstorming, Possible Improvements Suggested, One Big Happy Family, Proud To Be In The Pink Team ar.KI finally rounded it offwith The Complete Tour Of Sellers.
Then it was the easter holidays which I had a leiter battle with my bank and 1heir solicitors regarding an unpaid loan which I responded with innocent humour ..
Life in Bradley was becoming regimented again so I was glad to ~y howling saturdays again which I also wrote about taking Princess Becka and Bart Simpson, 1hey had success away from Sellers for once.
Spring Bank has been rained off again like Easter and I am writing this time about Bradley where I live and have had a Real Stonker with Afternoon At Hop-Heads but had a BoDocking off Acid Tougue for:
I) Riding too fiIst with Bart on my MOUIItain bike
2)Taking Bart Camping In 11K: Jungle
3)Been Late bringing Bart one day
4)Taking him out in 1he rain
I have looked after Bart at sometime every day throughout the holidays so I have not had a holiday as such but I have reaDy enjoyed myselfbeing a kid .m with my only 01f-spriug Bart Simpson.
My son has taught me to see the world again has I used to see it before I was couditiooed I am finally freed ftom innocence, it is like
sunrise for my my mind to welcome my guardian angel. .
Luke and my guardian angel Ben has helped me to move into the depths of my mind to pull me out of a life-long depression and allowing me 1he fteedom of mind to Express myself.
Madonna's new single is called ''Ray Of Light'' and is destined for the number one position in the UK charts this week following in the wake of its prequel ''Frozen''.
There is only one bird-house left in stock in Penfold and Danger Mouse's department ''The Stores'' and they are on the lookout for bum paper thieves who have recently been spotted near the shaper in our well equipped machine shop.
His mum, Acid Tougue, has just taken loopy Luke home, I can now have a session on the computer listening to Madonna's new single.
I was born at Staincliffe hospital, Dewsbury where in 1990 I nearly died, I was born to this incarnation in 1969 and I learned everything I could until 1989 when I realized ''Its not what you know, its who you know and if you don't know anyone, tough.
I was brainwashed into believing the Universe was like this and like that, composed of atoms that through random commissions eventually formed all we see, all we survey.
It was this cold universe I believed in until 1990 when I had a near death experience that left me bewildered but with a new sense of faith in a more warm Universe, its as if there is a crisis center where angels help you.
Angels are beings of light...
There is nothing with being different from each one of us is a unique aspect of a everyone else because we are collective consciousness, But within us is a primordial impulse to be recognized for who we are, we are all in need of recognition that is part of our inflictive human nature.
But sometimes instinctive desires and intellectual domination fail to see the abstract and subtle Spiritual Guiding Mind that drive us to face dilemmas in our short existence on the earth plane
I went to get the van from the stores and I heard Lady Laughter broadcast for me on the tanoy to contact reception, On ringing reception she said "There is a Arrow on the phone, if you just put your phone down I will pot him through", "Mad Mick" he says "The doors been kicked in at your flat, but I have caught them, only your monitor is missing".
"I'll be right there I said", I mshed down into the Progress and told The Balloon Warden about it and
\aid I will give you a ring, he was a bit hesitant as always but he let me go.. .:
I lteaded off towards Bradley expecting anything, possesions are nothing to me but I would hate to lose my stories, I have since copied them all on to disks some which are kept at work and others in a secret place at my flat.
I called at the'Deighton Area Housing Office to report my door, the woman there started filling in a routine form but then changed her mind when I said I had neither seen my flat y.et nor phoned the
police, she also said you need a crime referance number before they would fix it. . ,
When I arrived at my flat, there was Saz and Laz on gUard with a bit of my door, Cheeky Geeves was stationed on guard at the front, but the battle was almost over as Arrow was retu~ with the last bits of my computer, The Printer and Keyboard.
I was stressed out!! The door was knocked clean of loosing the outer part of the wood in the process leaving the lock mechanism on the floor, parts of my computer were all over the place.
Arrow had retrieved everything apart from my monitor which was found by Saz in a neighbours dustbin undamaged and the mouse which seems to have escaped. The keyboard was badly damaged because it had been so savagely ripped out from the base unit, My little sterio had also been took and returned by Arrow who said don't wony they won't come back but can you keep my name out of things it would look too coincidental after us saving your mums house as well.
I used the Sellers Van to go first to Deighton Police Station, which was empty, I tried to use the phone outside but couldn't hear the voice, So I went to Deighton Housing Office again, I had no luck there with regards to repairs until I had contacted the police.
FinoaIy I went to Fartown Police station who promised they would have a man out within the hour, I was told my a flustered lady that I should return home and wait, The Police would inform the Emergency CounQlRepairmen, so I needn't worry about Deighton Area Office closing time!
With this I headed back to Brndley .... Saz, Laz, Cheeky and Arrow were back at my flat, I shook h_ with Arrow and informed him I had to inform the Police to get the place fixed up by the council \mt t promised I would not mention his name or the name of the lads who had robbed my flat:
With this Arrow and Cheeky left to go fishing, The Bradley Mafia had sorted it out long before a disallusioned officer who was more interested in samari swords than my flat break in but in between I had chance to phone The Balloon Warden at Sellers to explain my current predicament.
I phoned Sellers, and Lady Laughter answered "Good Afternoon Sellers And Co" in the most cheerful voice, The voice of Sellers, "I said quick this is an emergency, this is MadMick, I have been burgled get me the Balloon Warden.
"The Balloon who" she replied " .... Oryer I get It Clive .... yonve been robbed and its a game ..... bang bang". "No this is serious this is Michael and I have took the van out and found myself robbed with my door smashed in fortunately the Bradley Mafia have saved my stuffbut I can't bring the van back cos I have to stay here and w3iUir the Police or I can't get my door fixed".
"Understood" she said "WILL Q,lVE BOWKER CONTACT RECEPTION IMMIDIATELY" echoed over the works and the Balloon Warden sprang to mind in the individuals consious enough to hear it, but, unfortuately The Balloon Warden himself didn't here it, and it cost me nearly 5Op.
Finaly we had The Balloon Warden on the phone who once again failed to make an on the spot decision and told he told me to phone him back in five minites by now the Police had arrived, Laz came running down the street to inform me.
The Policeman was very nice and by now Superman had arrived to see what all the fuss was about, Saz explained her side of the practise story while we wondered round the neighbourhood looking for the mouse, she showed me and the constable where they had found each part of the computer.
I had played my part well up until the policeman asked me something .....
Finally after a load ofbeutiful poetic conversation cumulating with Samari Swords the constable left us all to wake back up into the real world, the policeman assured me the Door Fixers would be on their way shortly.
Me, Superman, Laz and Saz tried to entertain ourselves with The Story So Far, but I decided to head off in the van to see if Numbnuts had a Key board and was of course feeling better, for a break from
stories, but they seem to follow me a step behind. .
Numbnuts says secret squirrel had borrowed some Play-Station games which he bad .ropped off at
Sellers and had riotiC€id me outside Fartown Police Station he said he was sony at my misfortune but look at his.
I returned to my :flat and code name SOCCO, The .fingerprint people, cm a beutifullooking woman with fresh complexion and lovely blue eyes like an angel, unfortunely she was married .
.she found two prints on the Double adapter, which she found reassembled and working well I had to find out if all the stories were still in there, they were probably mine when I plugged it back in.
Then followed the long boring wait for the door fixed and Arrow and CheekY returned to join a then sleepy SU(leftnan, in between me, Laz and Saz did our fingerprints for a bit of fun and sent them off to Wakefiektby the pre paid envelope.
Finally at 9p-.m after a visit to The Police Station and a visit to Pink Grandma's to make sure the police ruw phoned them they arrived to fix my door and my house was swimming in disguised members of The Bradley Mafl8.
Only my long tennmateS Dum Dum Damian and Hop Head were not present but The Walking MegapbottC did inform him Aci<l Tougue and Dominating Donna infurmed me the next day.
The party lIlaS good after we dict-not all have some fish and chips, Pipster, Pastry Head, HowDoILive, and Pill arriYed and we eItioyed ourselves
Quiz about Sellers, the first 10 correct answers will win tickets to see the All Stars at Skelmanthorpe next Saturday and will also win an optional computer disc containing all the Mad Mick stories, but I doubt any single person will be able to answer all ten..
Q1 How far away to the nearest million miles is the nearest star to earth? Q2 What is the square root of minus four? Q3 How Many Number Ones has Madonna had And what were their titles? hen I mentioned to Poe in Teletubbie land that a Sun Dial had arrived in the Progress what was his first question? Q5 What is SBSW new name .
Q6 Who is the longest serving Teletubbie at Sellers, and what year did he start Q7 In "The Complete Tour Of Sellers'' who was asleep in their soup? Q8 Name three of the members of the Pink cost Cutting team Q9 How did Captain Xerox transport me and Aussie to his Elite Teem match at Farnley Tyas after Numbnuts had his serious accident? 10 When did our Ex-captain start work at Sellers and Under what title? Wally says ''What do you call a Tele-tubbie that has been robbed''.....''Tubbie Haa Haa Haa'' 'What is E.T. short for", "Er Extra Terrestrial" I reply No , he says "It is because he has no legs", Wally is our seven foot Playgroup leader who does not believe in swearing.
He is married and has a wife and a daughter called Angelica and brought one of his Playgroup Jow Pasquali to our recent Bowling Tournament won by The Sellers All Stars Captain Mystic Mark who was with his new Bride Lady Luck.
Mystic Mark is responsible for repairing all the small cylinders up in the Lost world. The Grinding which is due to be moved to make way for the reopening of the canal sometime around the turn of the century.
Mystic mark when presumed for awoke said ''What did the big chimney say to the little chimney'' ''You are to young to smoke Haa Haa"
Sir Thomas Noon when prompted for an unusual statement for the Mag came up with a poem..
With Booze You Lose / With Dope You Hope
So Go To Church On Sunday / And Avoid The Christmas rush Everything was so different before it was changed So forgive me patience in this world but hurry please Remember that in Trap one I meditate and sit One would think with all this wit that shakespear himself came here to sh*t Everything they say and everything they do We men have many faults But poor woman have just two...
There is nothing good they say and nothing right they do.
Thank you to a new reformed character named Magicman by all the excited kids including Bart and Becka as well as Aussies Grandchildren and Angelica he said Dangermouse should be renamed ''Ada-laddie'' and one of the Dinner-ladies ''Ada-lassie'' Our new character who was once Hamster Spring A Leak has decided to turn over a new leaf on being renamed Break Light has decided to submit his own piece of poetry...
Guilt is the cop in your head......
And nothing beats the great smell of Brut so why not use nothing....
When talking to a grave er er..
Stop passenger as you pass by /As you are now so once was I As I am now so you will be / So be prepared to follow me To follow you I'd be content / If I only knew which way you went..
The Secret Squirrel adds our BS5750 officer..
In case of fire do not use the lifts...try a fire extinguisher instead! The Ghost in the end trap of The fitting shop bogs who one took up position as a sentry adds the final part of the poem...
Its twelve inch long but I don 't use it has a rule Working at Living is like smoking dope / The more you suck the higher you get Pity for the man with ambition so small /He his content to divulge himself As he continues his dialogue on the toilet wall Finally Wally says that a certain member of the workforce has in his bedroom a rocking chair, some brown sticky tape and a piss pot helmet but wouldn't say what the member of the work force used these items for Thank you for all that, but poetry seems on the up at Sellers ever since the Tin Shop Poet (Alex Higgins) placed his masterpiece upon Buddha- The Sundial that seems to have taken up permanent residence in the Progress The Hub Of Sellers Your leaving us to work in leisure / With memories to take and treasure But no matter what you're feeling / Open the bar and get the beer in A Pint or two may ease our pain / The tin shop poet strikes again The Bar was opened what a treat / With bitter, lager and cider sweet A bottle of Bud, a knucky brown / The Ale was really going down A diet coke to beat the flab /And all of this on Davids Tab A Shout goes up ''give it some welly" /A goal for Holland on the Telly What's going on we're here to sup / Not watch the dutch in the World Cup Friday nights the night to view / When England score a goal or two A lad then stood and dared to speak / ''we should do this every week'' That idea sounds quite colossus / But wouldn't go down well with our new bosses A few then set off back to work / Whilst others didn't and stayed to shirk When you're feeling blue I'd say / Look back and remember this day When we all drank to Davids health / And wished we had half his wealth So raise your glasses and lets all say / Goodbye and Thank you DUA...
Reproduced for ''Over The Horizon'' magazine with the kind permission of The Tin Shop Poet.
Croatia are looking good and guess where my pound happens to be, It his him who laugh's last who laugh's the longest, you wonder what I have been doing knelt before Buddha with that centre page out of the Sun...
England has come home and the Jewels are no longer gleaming but Croatia go on undiminished by the hype that is attached content that with Mad Mick's pound and a little sound they will buy a round for our poor editor... Two publications have come from Lady Penelope and everybody in the machine shop eagerly await a third, the first two being somewhat revealing to say the least, one resulted in my remix ''Interview In't Jungle'' Finally I have sent Mr Myoyghi "The compete Tour Of Sellers'', ''My Discography'', "Who's Who At Sellers'', "The invasion / Rebel MC'', "The Day We All Went nut's", ''Farewell Captain goodbye Barnsley Bi1l'' and a letter explaining it all.
I think Mr Myoyglli is in a bit of a mess and is secretly missing Sellers anyw
