BlogRevisited

It seems such a long time since I did any blogging, but I guess I have missed writing down about my life, it seems to give it some meaning – in fact I have come to realize it is not really egocentric for me it just is a form of one of the steps to heaven which if I continue everyday will keep me dry.

You see at the end of this month I will be 18 months sober and in that time I have found a completely new form of existence, the biggest lesson I have learned is not to go to such extreme measures to control my future but live in the day I am in and accept what my higher power has planned for me.

At work in the infamous “Lost World” things have changed in a lot of ways, only last week we were all invited to a conference at the Mc Galpharm Stadium in Huddersfield near where I live so that certain members of the senior management could share with us all just where the company has a whole was going.

Sharing with us all if you like there vision of the future, I particularly enjoyed the bald headed chap dancing to “Changes” from the “Shrek II Original Motion Picture Soundtrack” and The Welsh-mans jokes about ducks.

Just before we were all entertained however we were treated to a meal in this big hall, there was lots to choose from sausages on little sticks, onion bajjees, both me and George were a little overwhelmed by all the grub on offer so we decided to copy what Alf was greedily piling on to his plate.

For George this was his last outing since he has been given special permission to retire at the age of 6 decades on this planet and he will be subsequently handing over his huge empire to Zippy, so he was really in high spirits has the afternoon wore on knowing that none of the energy saving tactics would be applying to him.

It seems profits last year due to the escalating cost of gas, electric and cement fell to an all time low of just $40,000,000,000 per annum so we have to start tightening our belts just a little with regards to making sure we turn off the lights and the TV before going home and switching off the photocopier.

Indeed if we all just save 1% of our respective energy budgets we could afford to buy Mayfair and Park-lane and beat the rest of the competition.

WE were all shown this house which requires very little of the conventional methods of housebuilding therefore making the governments optimistic forecasts of constructing millions of new houses in the next few years quite realistic, and indeed the whole profile of the company has been stepped up a few levels as a result, even Butlins have been interested with regards to constructing some more sites for poor holidaymakers who cannot afford to escape abroad or don’t like flying.

I was sat right at the front of the auditorium because Alf, George, Super-strike and Uncle Fester as well as George Clooney didn’t want me in there group since the man with the bomb kept following me around.

I then tried following Kev and some of the other workers from Tele-tubbieland to there sitting area but there wasn’t enough seats and therefore ended up stationed at the front with all the speakers, Shrek and important people.

Back at the Lost World things are definitely in a flux of metamorphosis with the gradual disappearance of George who plans to follow the activities of Forest Gump well that is if his caravan doesn’t get nicked again.

The huge abyss left behind is going to be filled by Zippy who still is undergoing a battle to obtain a throttle for his kids motorbike as well as all the Yard duties to contend with being in charge of Noah and his brother who load the wagons.

The other day Zippy had to intervene in a Yard Scrap between the bloke from Multi Spray who had installed some dodgy spraying equipment which drips everywhere and Alf Garnet who was adamant that we had been ripped off.

Of course Slim Shady which is the current pseudoname for the big guy previously known as Breeze Block, Mini Roundabout, Humpty Dumpty, The Honey Monster and Eminiem (The proliferation of names continues to grow…) is still waddling around the office saying exactly what he thinks.

Our Boss, The Balloon Warden is also still there occasionally and he continues to grow ever larger, in fact I sometimes think to myself that it is a race between himself and Slim Shady to see who will be the first to be unable to get through the door.

The Balloon Wardens coats are so huge that they have to be ordered specially from Campers world and the leftover material is used to make tents, but he is a very kind natured chap and makes you feel good to be part of the team.

In fact I think each of us is just part of a huge brain which efficienly produces the best bricks in the UK and probably even the world.

Well it’s been quite a hectic weekend for me this weekend; it all started on Friday while I was on my way home from the Lost World and as per usual stuck in the rush-hour traffic that seems to congregate on the M62 every night.

I had a phone call from The Ice Queen who also happens for some error in a past existence to be my son Lukes mum, she said “Hurry Up we need to get Luke to the hospital” of course I explained my predicament while staring at the huge row of break lights that short of suddenly obtaining an helicopter there was little I could do.

Anyway I some how managed to crawl through the rush hour traffic to arrive at the Ice Queens Palace to be presented by an ambulance, after a hasty summary of the situation by Trishas Mum who lives up the road I was accompanied by Squeaky and Li-Li to meet up with the Ice Queen at The Huddersfield Royal Infirmary.

Upon arriving at the hospital The Ice Queen soon came to find me and ushered me into a private cubicle with a rather forlorn looking Luke leaving Squeaky and Li-Li to do some serious snogging in the child’s play area.

Apparently Luke had been suffering from chronic stomach ache for the past three days and the pain had gradually got worse and worse until The Ice Queen had wisely decided to do something about it.

We were visited by numerous foreign doctors who didn’t look like they knew much English and when eventually one came we could at least understand he promised to return with a pipe and skirt so this obviously started me off teasing Luke about the possibility of wearing a skirt and having some pipe pushed down his throat.

Strangely this wasn’t far off the mark but it was about 3 hours or so before we had finally established the fact that Luke needed an X ray and by this time I had rushed home with the loving couple and had returned with a few sarnies, while The Ice Queen kept a nearly hysterical and thirsty Luke company.

On the final checkup before the X ray after Luke had been given a generous amount of diamorphine the 15th doctor came in to feel Lukes stomach and maybe it was the effect of the medication or maybe it was the fact he was getting a little fed up but the doctor started to get a little too low down lukes pants and Luke replied indignantly “Excuse Me Do You Mind”.

Finally a decision was made to take Luke for an emergency operation and we were now accompanied by some intelligent looking anesthetists’ who asked Luke conversationally what school was like Luke replied that it had gone to pot.

This was the final moments before the big op, and the poor lad had been prodded and poked, had a gentleman try and shove a narrow tube up his nose, been humiliated in every way possible while his dad and mum had looked on helpless.

The Ice Queen had decided to stay the night at the hospital since she decided that I would contaminate one of there beds and she volunteered to say goodbye to Luke before the operation and she signed some forms in order for the doctors to go ahead.

Strangely I could feel some sort of angelic presence in the room that night as me and The Ice Queen sat in the childrens ward awaiting the outcome of what now turned out to be quite a nasty appendix operation.

Lukes Appendix has decided to explode in his stomach releasing poisonous puss everywhere and meaning he was in serious danger of blood poisoning if they didn’t act quickly.

I don’t know its times like these when you think back at all the good times you have had for example when I first learned Luke to ride a bike and he was unable to reach the brakes while sailing down this hill, how he didn’t have a serious accident then I just don’t know.

I thought of Lukes first words which were Beeber, since he couldn’t say Beer properly then, and how he had helped me to become the person I am now… I went out that night and prayed to my higher power to make sure Luke was okay.

The Ice Queen did keep me company throughout and I think we both then realized just how important this little chappy is to our lives even though our relationship is at times very sour, I think we both wondered just how it was possible for us both to create a life that was so caring.

I have often said Luke was in the wrong queue when they were handing out mummies and daddies in heaven but Luke just says he realized that life in this incarnation was better suited to his souls development that one in which he would be born to some pompous rich gits and be spoilt rotten with presents.

I think the biggest shock I had was when me and the Ice Queen were returning from the smoking room for the 4th time in half an hour and the frantic nurse who had told me that appendixes were left over from when we were cavemen was looking for us because the doctor needed to see us urgently.

Thankfully it was good news and Luke was in recovery after a successful operation to remove a perforated appendix and all his insides had been washed out, we could both breath a huge sigh of relief, somehow an Angel had been with him throughout and it didn’t take a lot of guessing just who that Angel was.

By now it was after 2 am in the morning and The Ice Queen had reluctantly decided not to stay the night at the hospital, but we promised to return the early the next day.

I went to accompany Luke back to the childrens ward after the operation and he was wrapped in tubes helpless with an oxygen mask on but he did open his eyes to look at me before going quickly back to sleep.

After dropping The Ice Queen off at her brother Fubumans house I headed back home to get a grateful few hours sleep before visiting Luke the next day even though I spent much of the night seemingly with Luke in some other dimension sharing the pain somehow.

We had a total of three visits throughout Saturday to the hospital and just about everyone came to see him, his Grandma and my mum, his brother O-face, his sister Lea, of course Squeaky was there and her mum Dominating Donna and her fiancé Silverback but there was one notable absence but I am sure she had done her work the night before.

Over the weekend we have seen Luke gradually return to health in record time, I have just returned tonight after work with Lili, his Grandad and Grandma and Oface and he seems totally back to his old self.

The Catheter that Luke complained was added when he was unconscious has now been removed so I no longer have to take the piss when he goes for a walk and he can finally drink fluids normally after having been denied them for so long.

I was joking tonight like I will be for a while that maybe when people have operations now the government has some secret conspiracy to implant everyone with a microchip to control them, and he does in a way seem a bit different.

Oh yes and Lukes best friend Li-Li was joking that he was planning to find a way to spend some time in hospital after seeing all the facilities that Luke has… Each bed has its own screen complete with telephone and a variety of games.

In the games room there is even more stuff, a playstation 2, an X Box and a load of men with radiation suites – at least there was yesterday night after Lukes brother O face had paid a visit with the rest of lukes upcoming Deighton Mafia Junior friends that hopefully some of Lukes morals may rub off on like they did with me and his mother.

They always say don’t they that a little light lights up a lot of darkness and that’s what I feel my sons mission is in this world – in fact I don’t think it will be long before that chip that Tony Blair put there overheats and disappears.

Anyway I am glad to have a happy ending to this story on my 539th day sober, thankyou God for seeing my son through…

Yes I am back in tip top spiritual form tonight after attending the sacred home group, I have been so busy seeing Luke in hospital and interacting with aliens it was nice to come home and interact with like minded people.

The Ice Queen has just phoned me to say that Luke is okay but just a tad peed off at everyone making a fuss of him, you see he came home today and I was able to fetch him thanks to Alf Garnet at work giving me permission.

We stated the Chapter “How It Works” again in our big book study and I just thought to myself that we have been three times through the Jedi Code since I first started attending AA nearly eighteen months ago.

The faces have changed but some people seem to have always been there, tonight at the table in reading order was The Novelist who when shares seems to approach his point from many angles and also talks very quickly, he also has a very great interest in Gas powered electric generators as well has the spray that stops car number plates been picked up with Gatso cameras.

I am as always remembering the yellow card by protecting the members anonyminity with derogatory pseudonyms was the next person to read out loud and my section was on the twelve steps which I consider to be a guide to live my life.

Then there was the Bus Conductor, a wise man of pure inspiration who has been coming to the AA since the last Ice age and often recollects about a brick coming through his window being the turning point in his journey to sobriety.

The next person on tonights circuit was a relative newcomer who very little is known about and this was followed by a ….

Blimey this isn’t very spiritual of me is it?

You see that’s the thing with AA we have a powerful message to pass on to many people in the world who are still out there suffering the consequences of alcoholism yet the very thing that is there to give salvation is shrouded in a cloud of mysticism.

Anonyminity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions reads one of the pillars AA rests on obviously this has evolved from trial and error much the way I have yet when I think back to my life before AA I really do wish someone had broken there anonyminity to me and showed me this secret to real living.

A great number of valuable and deep discussions were brainstormed tonight one that struck a real chord with me is that we cannot think ourselves well but we must use action first and the thoughts will follow which generally goes against the grain of many thousands of self help books which litter the shelves of WH Smith written by people who feel they have the divine right to preach to us all en mass.

Bob The Builder, a one year old shining beacon of AA at work gave us all an idea how incomprehensible it is to put into words just how AA works, its like trying to describe the colour “red” to someone who is blind from birth.

Another newcomer who seems to have “got it” is The Philosopher who like a child full of wonder is making his first tentative steps into a whole new dimension.

Discussions about God though are the ones which I think show just how difficult it is to give your life over to something that cannot be grasped or seen yet touches us throughout our souls progression in this incarnation.

I believe in this lifetime we are like people in a cave trying to describe what is outside the cave from the reflections of the campfire on the cave walls, it is easier not to “psycho-analyze” a higher power or higher form of consciousness but blindly except that its there and live your life with this supernatural entity as your driver.

I shared tonight from a place deep within me the gratitude that I felt from this unseen world with regards to pulling my son from the jaws of death and at the same time making me and the Ice Queen once again sing from the same hymn sheet.

One of my closest AA comrades, The Messiah is still there and like me he suffers from a lot of the same problems that is his deep inquiring scientific mind gets in the way of a lot of the things that are suggested to us.

Billy Nutmeg is probably at the opposite end of the spectrum and he was also at the opposite end of the table as he shared with conviction about something nebulous that we all knew was incomprehensible.

Just what was God doing before he created the Universe, maybe if god is all knowing did he know just who would be sat round this table some (on the latest conservative estimates) 15 billion years later or is there an element of chance thrown in as well.

Luckily tonight an agent of Darth Vaders table on the Death Star from the first episode of Star Wars (but later turned out to be episode IV however episodes 1,2 & 3 came after it) wasn’t present since none of us were buying into his theory that its okay just to have a few beers as long as you don’t go too far…

Yes the infamous Darth Blip seems to have ventured back to the Empire having failed in his mission to lead any of us towards the dark side of the force.

On the subject of Star Wars episode IV I always remember Obiwan giving into his faith when he said to vador “You cant win Darth, if you strike me down now I will become more powerful than you can ever imagine” and then surrendering himself back to the force and been cut down by vadors light saber.

It was from the after-life he was able through his pupil Luke to be able to ultimately beat the evil empire which I think just goes to show how powerful a place or dimension the afterlife is.

I have always believed that I have been shadowed through all my endeavors in this incarnation so far by a Powerful Spirit entity who passed away nearly 400 years ago on the American Planes called (jokingly) Dripping Tap.

In times of great need my alliance with this unseen afterlife dimension has always served me well, and with the last week or so over now I can thank my higher power for helping Luke my son throughout his recent ordeal strangely I could feel the warmth in my heart throughout.

If I wanted to sum up the AA morale for me in one sentence it would be simply “You will see it when you believe it so open your mind and take the blinkers off”

See you all soon.

PS I know I said Goodbye in an previous thread but I had to come back again because it really helps me writing these strange blog entries, oh yes and I would like to welcome “The Mini Rhino” to mad micks world

Its Sunday again and first I must congratulate Madonna with the success of her twelfe No 1 single “Sorry”, her first one was way back in July 1985 with “Into The Groove” which later was added to her Like A Virgin LP.

She then had a spate of four number ones during her heyday of 1986/7 three of which came from her multi-platinum third Studio LP “True Blue”, namely “Papa Don’t Preach”, “La Isla Bonita” and the title track “True Blue” and the fourth was from the soundtrack “Whos That Girl” called appropriately “Whos That Girl”.

This was back in the eighties when obtaining a No 1 meant something, she then had to wait until 1989 when I was a disco diva in Wakefield to score her sixth with “Like A Prayer” from the LP of the same name.

In April 1990 she scored a seventh with “Vogue” from a strange LP in Madonnas catalogue called “I’m Breathless” which was a sort of hybrid of a soundtrack from her film Dick Tracy and a collection of other little ditties that had no homes on a LP.

It was another 8 years before she hit the top spot again and this time it was a ballad from my favourite Madonna LP ever called “Frozen” which entered the charts at the pole position like everything that achieves it now-a-days.

“American Pie” became her first cover version to top the charts in 2000, this was taken from another obscure movie that no-one ever bothered to watch and was later tagged on to the UK release of her Music LP which the title song gave Madonna her tenth No 1 before the year was out.

After the awful 2002 American Life LP Madonna came back last year with the dance high energy Confessions On A Dancefloor which the first track “Hung Up” has already scored her her 11th No 1.

So what did I get up to this weekend apart from my usual ingrained habit of listening to Madonna songs, well with regards to Luke it has been a strange on/off sort of contact arrangement with his mother The Ice Queen.

I had been told last week that Luke would be staying at her palace on the first weekend he returned from hospital after his appendix operation due to the fact it was too strenuous for him to visit me at my mums house.

She did soften a little on Saturday since he was allowed a few hours to visit me and his Grandma but she still wanted him back to stay the night at her house even though she was out getting pissed up for The Traffic Wardens 49th birthday party and her melonsitter.. I mean baby sitter was looking after Lea, O Face and Luke.

Late Saturday while me and Squeaky once again waged war with the game Stronghold, Fubuman phoned us to ask if we would like to come to the Fayre with him and Jiggy Flaps his fiancé since they just wanted a days break from there mad Amittyville Mansion with Rabbits hopping all over the place and poltergeists throwing things around in the upper chambers.

I reluctantly agreed but while I was on the phone I lost a few of my Macemen and a quarter of my swordsmen to Squeaky but still managed to keep her in 3rd place.

So this morning I awoke full of eager anticipation but no phone call came from Mr Fubu so I assumed they had decided to play happy bunnies for another day but I wasn’t going to go running after them, if they contacted us we would go I said to Squeaky who was complaining bitterly about her Grandma being selfish.

Anyway he did eventually get in touch and it turned out surprisingly that we were getting a lift of Jiggy Flaps his fiancé in there Noddy-Mobile.

We didn’t know at this point what lay in store for us as we waited at the gate for there vehicle to take us to Leeds since someone had wired up a bomb that once we entered the slip road to the M62 and accelerated past 40mph (I was going to make it 50 but it would be a little fast for the poor engine) then if we fell below that speed a bomb would explode and we only found this out when someone managed to parachute through the sunroof to tell us while Jiggy Flaps obliviously trundled down the Motorway getting dangerously close to 40mph.

To cut a long story short myself, Squeaky and Fubuman as well as this mystery gentleman who came sailing in through the roof of the car managed to jump out when were diverted to Leeds Bradford airport and I am writing this from my hospital bed which we were lucky enough to escape with minor injuries.

However poor Jiggy Flaps kindly sacrificed herself for us since if she had escaped the car would of exploded with us inside so she drove on until we were all in safety before the car ran out of fuel and the vehicle slowed down to an enormous explosion.

The charred remains of Jiggy Flaps anatomy has now been pieced together from an area of 6 or so square miles and it was only a few hours ago that someone found her eye on a golf course by someone looking for there golf ball.

No this may have occurred in one of the dimensions of the Universe which Quantum Mechanics permits but it didn’t occur in my reality, which was quite uneventful until we reached Leeds and Luke phoned us up asking why we hadn’t picked him up.

Now naturally you assume that if the Ice Queen thinks its too strenuous to come to visit his dad then its certainly too strenuous to visit the “white water rapids” or go from 0-60 mph in 1.2 seconds on the super duper bunjee ride while it is extremely unfayre for him to have to stand watching everyone enjoy themselves.

Anyway never knowing how to predict his mums decisions we found ourselves heading back to Huddersfield to pick Luke up and on the way went to my mums to pick my car up to save Jiggy Flaps on petrol.

After enquiring if The Ice Queen and Super-Cheff had been getting Jiggy the night before, if Luke had consumed any soup and asked what God was doing before he created the Universe we all clambered back in Bessie and headed off back to the Fayre again.

After being confined in Miss Jiggys Noddy Mobile we all agreed that Bessie seemed like a supercharged nitrous oxide turbo car like knight riders KITT and with Madonna Millennium Mix pouring out of the speakers most of the way we were soon back at the Fayre.

The major highlight of the journey in between the Madonna vocals was Jiggy explaining to her mum that BB’s rabbit had just had some babies and she should of known about it and taken the necessary precautions to make sure it didn’t happen.

The Fayre was situated right next to Leeds Uniteds Elland Road stadium and it was quite well attended for such a cold February afternoon, there was loads of exciting rides there but the first one that Squeaky and Fubuman went on was the 200ft revolution.

When Fubuman and Miss Jiggy was on the third exciting ride I pointed out some little teacups with toddlers on them which Luke could go on safely without any possible damage to his stitches and was subsequently punched – I did not mention any more diddy rides to him.

He did however have a go on the water boats which were quite tame in comparison with some other spinning rides and we had a walk through the haunted castle which had Freddy Kruegar and Jason in it as well as a guy from the Green Mile in an electric chair.

The finale though was when me and Fubu had a go on that bunjee thingy which has two bungee chords attached to a ball cage which is free to rotate on the centre of gravity.

We were launched into the air with an Acceleration of nearly 30 metres per second squared equaling 4G and it was phenomenal, the best 10 quid I have ever spent – well worth it.

So that ends another weekend and its back for another episode of the Lost World, the highlight this week being the fact that George Krugar is leaving us after 40 years amazingly he was working here before I was born and back when The Beatles reined supreme in the UK pop charts.

He was working at The Lost World before decimalization and even before civilization, when he started even Alf Garnet was middle aged and man hadn’t yet landed on the moon…

Back then A virus was the flu, a CD was a bank account and a hard drive was when you fell asleep on the bus and found yourself at the depot with the lights off and the driver waking you up after one too many beers.

A mouse pad was where a mouse lived, the web was where spiders hung out and memory was something you lost with age.

In fact back then a cursor was a profanity, a program a TV show and an application was something you filled in to obtain a job…

Hey those were the days we thought of a keyboard as something from a piano and well if you had a three and an half inch floppy you just hoped no one would find out about it!

Even The Balloon Warden our current boss was crawling around in diapers – so I guess it’s the end of an era, but as always your roving reporter will be there to capture his final moments on Tuesday so I hope you all tune in to MADMICKSTORIES the place to be for up to date traffic information, what to say when you talk to yourself and I promise the answer to the ultimate question…

Just what was God doing before he created the Universe?

Georges Leaving…

I think that working under the new regime which replaced the old imperialists back in January 2005 is far superior and certainly my job at the lost world has made me a much happier person where people are genuinely human towards me.

But the ego centric individual I am I have had to step down off the alter today since it has been the day that George left us to visit what remains of his caravan (if it is there at all) in the lake district and finally take early retirement.

I have just finished doing a couple of VCD’s of all the pictures I took today and they have come out quite well with Dire Straits “The Sultans Of Swing” playing in the background, I plan to give this to George the next time I see him.

George will be very much missed around the office at the Lost World especially by Zippy who will no longer have any time left to moan about his excessive workload since his empire has expanded beyond belief.

Sometimes I wonder what my job is at The Lost World, I eagerly serve the handful of wagon drivers who turn up to sample a fraction of our weekly produce and try to keep track of the Random Number Accounting system reporting inconsistencies to my boss the Balloon Warden but other than that I don’t feel I have a proper job.

Alf said today putting some electrical component on my desk “I will put this here someone’s coming to pick it up tomorrow but don’t you go touching it or you might get your hands mucky”, I don’t know maybe I was wrong but I could feel a undercurrent of cynicism in his voice.

Immediately before the dawn of the new millennium and a little beyond I used to be happily working away at a place called Sellers which made textile finishing machines and I worked mainly in a bar stores but I would also mop out the bogs and even unblock them without complaint.

In fact I remember cleaning out the old pattern stores there which contained over 50 years worth of old patterns for castings from machines that had gone redundant before the Beatles were in the charts and I would go home absolutely caked in dust.

These are the things I will miss about George, since I felt I could talk to him about my eventful past more than anyone else in the office, he even promised me his mobile phone the day he left, which didn’t work right well and wasn’t exactly a top model but at least I would have a token to remember him by.

However this wasn’t to be, The Balloon Warden today said that I was to use the telepathic powers I claim to have if I want to communicate to the others in the office or failing that maybe learn semaphore or smoke signals.

You could always send someone a carrier pigeon joked Zippy after the event when I was telling him about the incident with tears welling up in my eyes.

Its just I don’t feel part of it anymore, Alf has a mobile phone, The Balloon Warden has a mobile, Slim Shady has a mobile and Zippy has one but I couldn’t even have Georges old one – it had to be sent back – but at the same time they trust me with a five grand credit card.

I suppose now without George to talk to about it all I will have use my blog here, sometimes on a dinnertime I would be having a right good bitch to George about how shit my life was and I would hear snoring and he had fallen fast asleep!

I suppose I aren’t right good at really expressing myself using spoken words, I am either joking or the lights are on and nobody is home, and it I really did think that this time I had found a home where I worked.

See here I am back on my little soapbox when in fact it was Georges day today after 4 decades of unbroken hard dedication to making bricks he got a medal and a five pound gift voucher for WHSmith and then made a long carefully prepared speech talking about his life under no less than ten managers culminating with the Balloon Warden our current jovial offering.

As well as all the men who actually make the bricks there was N-man (who the Balloon Warden says doesn’t like me very much), Magnum from Hogwarts Park as well as Tinky Winky from Teletubbieland who had come along to see him off.

Other than that though it was another typical day in the lost world, Slim Shady was wittering on as per usual this time about a harness that was supposed to be delivered on Friday and Zippy was trying to decide if to decide if to decide if he thought he might think about purchasing a motorbike but wasn’t quite sure yet if he wanted one yet.

The Mini Rhino wasn’t here today so I was spared being vacuumed by Henry but of course all the usual crew of wagon drivers came to pick up there tickets, Buddy Holly, Captain Caveman and Mr Grumpy.

Buddy says Mr Grumpy will be soon leaving the haulage trade since he has gained employment as a lumberjack at a mushroom farm while Inspector Clueso at Hogwarts still hasn’t forgiven me for printing out some tickets when he was stock taking on Friday.

Nak our engineer has just started speaking to me again after I called him Nak, I found out the hard way that he doesn’t like to be referred to by that name but Alf says if he cant take it he shouldn’t give it out.

So another eventful day came to a close as we all wished George a happy and prosperous retirement doing housework with his new pinnie and rubber gloves at least he will no longer have to worry about the crash of bricks coming from the dehacking machine it will now be Zippy who will awake in the dead of night suffering cold sweats after dreaming about the bloody machine.

So here I am sat in front of my computer screen yet again, one sad git you might say, and you would be dead right, even at the AA meetings I so love to attend I am viewed as a bit of an oddity and the members there are generally odder than the average population.

I come home take my mum shopping at ASDA and put the lottery on for our syndicate, even with regards to the lottery syndicate I cannot keep it simple I have to had my computer brained nerd like touch to it by registering the numbers on some website then emailing the details to everyone in the office.

I then come back from shopping and take Miss Boley my dog for a quick walk round the field while ranting and raving to God why my sad brother “The Ticking Bomb” cannot just for once in his life get off his fat arse and take the poor thing for a walk.

How they put up with me at the lost World I really just don’t know, even more perplexing is just why do they put up with me, I have added some photos from todays events but The Balloon Warden threatened me with the sack should I dare to put any of him on here.

It seems like the Australian aborigines that by taking photos of him it takes away his spirit, so I think with this post I have managed to keep the status quo, then again whatever will be will be

Anyway on a last note I wish you George if you are reading this (and you must be real sad to have read this far) the very best of luck and I have got that VCD of the photos in my drawer in the office the next time you pop in…

Drink Is All Around Me

Just been to drop Luke off back at his mums, The Ice Queens house and there was the usual activity going on the neighborhood, someone had collapsed in there gateway and neighbors were rushing around calling ambulances etc.

Obviously the person was severely drunk as usual and the paramedic realized there was little he could do for the individual concerned, he had been told by doctors apparently he had just months to live if he chooses to drink again so obviously he did just that.

I told the Ice Queen that at least her neighbourhood was entertaining in fact the BBC was thinking of renaming Crimewatch by her street name since it is usually crime that keeps us all entertained up there.

People who live there often say that there street makes Iraq sound like a fairytale and often go to wind down from all the agro by watching a couple of calming episodes of Eastenders.

The Ice Queens friend up the street, Trisha was fast asleep trying to get over the vast quantity of alcohol she had consumed has decided to come to the AA with me tomorrow with the support of her mum who has realized that alcohol leaves no prisoners.

Even the Ice Queen herself is gradually poisoning herself but she realizes that she is not yet as bad as Trisha and keeps herself compared to her and many other people around her saying I am not as bad as them yet.

Not Yet, but why wait for the yets to happen…

The more I look around the more I realize that I am literally surrounded by drunks but I know that most of them have very little chance of ever finding the road back to normality, Trisha will be the fourth person I have introduced to the AA.

My brother who hides under the cloud of schizophrenia is little better, we had just visited the shop with him on the way to drop Luke and Squeaky off for his daily rations of strong lager and poor Squeaky was somewhat taken aback when the lady in the shop remarked that “That man stinks” as The Ticking Bomb left the shop and Luke and Squeaky purchased there sweets.

I myself had taken him to the shop first to get rid of him so that he could get his beers and I didn’t have him stuck in the car while I dropped his daughter Squeaky and Luke off at there mums houses, he is the ultimate example of a emotional drain.

In fact he started out life with everything going for him did my brother The Ticking Bomb but somewhere along the line he seems to have lost his way, he even had a mortgage and a house at the nearby village of Fartown.

Now he just mopes his way through life oblivious to the misery left in his wake, his daughter Squeaky barely sees him on a weekend when she comes to visit since he spends the entire time in his little smelly bedroom with the door firmly shut.

Of course my dad has to try his best to pick up the pieces left by his total disregard for life going on around him, it was my dad who organized for his mortgage to be continued to be paid and insisted we all visit the waste of space when he was in a mental hospital for the last two years or so.

Even though my dad is nearly 69 and has had Parkinsons Disease for over ten years he is considered to be the person responsible for all my sad brothers affairs with regards to the untold number of mistakes left in his “can’t be bothered to do anything” existence.

I have often wondered to myself if there is a God why does he let this sad state of a human carry on existing and it could be that he just doesn’t want him back up there again but why I must be lumbered with him I don’t know?

Why don’t I do anything to help then and why am I sat at my mums still, well I know its no excuse but do you think I am going out there and getting a flat – paying over 1000 pounds council tax, 1000 pounds electric and Gas and over 4000 pounds rent just for somewhere to stay for a few hours in between work, AA meetings, taking Luke and Squeaky out and just who would take poor Miss Boley for a walk?

Also I know from the many stories in the AA that it is no use trying to protect a drunk you just have to let them figure it out for themselves, by protecting them you are just lengthening the time for them to hit there rock bottom as it seems another member of my sad friends.

I once referred to this person as Captain Caveman, the person who is renting my brother The Ticking Bombs house now he has reached a really bottom state with the beer, I already have a Capt Caveman now in my stories so I will now refer to this guy as “Destitute”.

Destitute has now been renting my brothers house for over a year and despite much help from my poor dad it seems he is no longer able to cope with life, the latest I heard this weekend is that his lovely caring fiancé “Sharron” has left him, he smashed the living room window the other day to get into the property and he turned up at my dads today begging for thirty quid to get some food, but we all know where that money will go.

It seems he has been complaining to the council about the state of the property since my poor dad received a letter from the environmental health saying it was unfit for human occupation, it’s not even my dads hose its my brothers who is sat in his bedroom now with his beers drinking his life away!!!

Anyway for some reason my dad still feels its his duty so only last week I tried to help him by responding to the letter to the council as politely as I could on my dads behalf.

Its not usual for me to get involved anymore other than laughing at the gossip but this time I felt I had to be of a bit of help, so anyway here is the letter I sent which my dad gave me a rough outline of what he wanted to say…

(pseudonyms have replaced original names)

Dear Sir

I am writing in response to a letter I received recently from you concerning the tenancy of the property {CENSORED} Huddersfield and the properties state of repair during the rental of the property to {Mr Destitute}.

Firstly I must point out that the property does not belong to me but in fact is owned by my son, {The Ticking Bomb} however I have had to take responsibility for it for the last three years or so due to my son suffering from Schizophrenia.

{The Ticking Bomb} was confined to a secure unit in a mental hospital at Wakefield namely Fieldhead situated on Ouchmore Lane and then later transferred to The Castle Hill Unit at St Lukes hospital in Huddersfield before finally being released under our supervision on the 4th October last year.

He is visited weekly by a nurse and a social worker but he is certainly far from being able to make any decisions for himself and has a result I have had to act on his behalf with regards to the best interest of his Mortgage etc.

I was at first very doubtful about renting out the property knowing very little with regards to the law regarding landlords and tenants but enough to know that usually it ended up being more trouble that it was worth.

Just over one year ago however I was approached by a friend of a friend namely {Mr Destitute} who was in desperate need of accommodation having been evicted from council property on {CENSORED} and it was reported that he was temporarily living in a tent in a neighbours back garden.

Taking pity on Mr Destitute and knowing that {CENSORED} was stood empty I took the decision upon some persuasion by Mr Destitute I to let him live in the property as a tenant and I didn’t even ask him for a bond in fact I initially gave him 100 pounds to decorate the house with.

Further visits to the property revealed that cash gestures such as the above were clearly wasted since the money was obviously spent on considerable quantities of alcohol and drugs and did not serve any purpose with regards to upgrading the property which the tenant had verbally promised.

I must had that all this is a considerable strain on myself since I am 68 years old and suffering from the progressive stages of Parkinson’s Disease after having the complaint for more than a decade.

It is also very untrue that I have made no repairs to the property only last year {CENSORED} from Kirkheaton did some work on the house and I also had a gas fire fitted by a {CENSORED} a registered Corgi Engineer.

Last month I went to some considerable trouble to organize a plumber to visit the premises making the necessary arrangements to obtain transport to meet outside the property and having to pay a call out fee.

I have two witnesses to the fact that we were denied entry to the property by a inebriated Mr Destitue at substantial cost to myself as well as all the stress of trying to organize the visit since Mr Destitute was clearly incapable of acting coherently.

Having said all that therefore I would be pleased if Kirklees council could undertake whatever work is necessary to bring the property into satisfactory condition and I will undertake to pay any reasonable costs.

I hope this letter merits your concern however I must had that if you had not evicted Mr Desitute in the first place none of this would of occurred.

Yours Faithfully

{CENSORED}

Reluctant Acting Landlord

The part in underlined italics would certainly not of been my idea, why should my dad have to pay the council to repair a house that is not even his and who the tenent allows the kitchen to be used as a toilet for his mad dogs?

A person who looses his keys and smashes the window to get in then complains it is cold in the property, a person who they are so concerned about his welfare that they booted him out of one of there properties?

It seems in this day and age alcohol has a lot to answer for, I meanwhile will continue to attend the AA!

I was going to call this little essay the “Meaning Of Life” and then go on to quote a whole range of Goldilocks properties of our universe that makes life possible since I have just finished reading “Parallel Worlds” by Michio Kaku but I don’t think I will bother after all most people know that according to physicists it is impossible for a) the universe to exist in the first place and b) for life to develop like it obviously has done.

The book goes through an endless discussion of wordy arguments to end up with pointing out the fact that life is doomed and all intelligent life will most probably come to an end lonely in a huge empty universe frozen to extinction and there is very little we can do about it.

There are precisely four known blind forces of nature, Gravitation which is as Einstein pointed out the geometry of space-time and attracts all matter together – wait a minute if all matter is attracted together then why is it not all in one big lump – oh yes its because the Universe is actually flying apart from some huge explosion that occurred 14 billion years ago and for reasons we don’t yet quite understand is actually acceleration even today?

The other force is Electromagnetism which boils down to photons of light and electrons moving about, then there is the two nuclear forces which keep atoms nuclei bound together and are responsible for the huge amount of energy liberated by nuclear bombs.

In addition to these blind forces can I propose a fifth force of nature which acts in a way to give the universe meaning and to our maybe limited minds can acts as deity, something which allows the breaking down of all those quantum wave functions and is a super-consciousness.

This is the force called the morphogenetic force that acts like the blueprint for the future and gently reaches back through the aeons of the universe and makes consciousness ultimately possible in the universe.

This force works backwards in time making a universe real which can observe itself, if our moon was not the size and distance it is the planet earth would wobble on its axis and predictable seasons would not be possible so that is why the moon is here and we see it every night since if it wasn’t we as conscious people would not be here to observe it.

If it was up to the four blind forces of the universe it is very unlikely that our planet would be such a precisely worked out distance from the Sun and surely our planet would have been long since pulverized by the huge number of mindless meteorites out there in the vast vacuum of space.

So what about other life forms in the universe or indeed in our Galaxy and where indeed does the afterlife fit into the equation, where could that be?

According to the book I have read physicists believe our universe must be eleven dimensional to have all these blind forces in it, for example lets just consider Gravity, the earth revolving round the Sun for instance.

Newton considered the Earth to be attracted to the Sun by some invisible spooky force field that acts across empty space, so much for a physicists lack of belief in things they can’t see!

Now Einstein came along at the turn of the twentieth century and said no the Earth is moving in a straight line but it is the fact that we live in a four dimensional universe and this is curved by the huge weight of the sun – imagine a huge hefty cannonball on a trampoline, now launch a marble radially and it will spiral into the cannonball.

In the real vacuum of space however the earth just continues in a circle since it doesn’t loose energy to friction in the near vacuum of space.

So in this way time became on equal footing as a dimension of space but that still didn’t explain why time wasn’t like space in that we can only move one way along it at a predetermined speed, i.e. forward into the future at one day per day.

What if time was identical to space in another direction perpendicular to up, down and sideways, this is indeed the case in a world of pure consciousness and probably explains up to a point what its like to live without our bodies.

But don’t bother trying to think too hard about it just accept that this extra dimension is there all the time but its only when we are in the material form of life that we can progress our souls.

I always think now that it’s a cross between the film the Matrix and Star wars coming into an incarnation obviously we cannot remember our past lives or there would be no soul progression, for example if we could remember being a king and then came back as a baby we would grow up very affected by our previous life to the point it would probably mess it all up.

The whole Universe itself is eleven dimensional and it just “is”, there is no before and after from the point of view of the force but that does not mean that the future is predetermined or indeed the past is not predetermined.

Some high ranking physicists have argued that the Universe has many worlds housed in it and every time we make a decision the Universe splits in two and in one half one decision is made and in the other another.

From this view it could be said that we are each on our own little journey and the many characters we interact with in our lives are little tests sent from a higher power of the fifth super-conscious force and in turn we are also part of there own journeys.

When we go to sleep at night we dream of characters who seem very real to us, could it be possible that in some fifth dimension the domain of electromagnetism that these characters do really exist and we are a bit like there deity in the way that our lives are just part of some super-conscious beings dream from the gravitational domain?

The Universe does seem an incredibly lucky accident if we adopt just the four blind forces of nature and neglect the fifth force which in effect rules them all

Lets start with the way atoms are made, inside the depths of the nucleus there are two major players in the particle world that form the atoms these are the protons and the neutrons.

The proton weighs just slightly less than the neutron, which means that neutrons on there own eventually decay into protons which is the lowest energy state, if the proton was just 1% heavier it would decay into a neutron and all nuclei would disintegrate and life would be impossible.

If the nuclear force was just a tiny bit weaker nuclei like deuterium (heavy hydrogen) would fly apart and none of the elements of the universe could have been built in the early stars which the debri from formed our sun and solar system.

If the nuclear force was just a tiny bit stronger stars would burn there nuclear fuel too fast and life woul;d not have time to evolve, could it be that the nuclear force was set by a far more fundamental fifth force of consciousness sent back from the future.

Since if this consciousness did not exist then there would be no observer to break the wavefuction and observe the universe existing and therefore it does not exist!

When physicists do there sums and look back on the long line of luck accidents that allowed consciousness to evolve they find that its as if the universes ultimate purpose was to create intelligent life.

There are some theorists who say that our Universe was created by a quantum fluctuation occurring in a past Universe, maybe at the centre of a black hole and Universes or Multiverses evolve this way but each time they give birth to a new Universe the constants of nature are slightly shifted from the parent Universe!

Therefore the Universe which creates the greatest number of black holes is also the one who breeds the greatest number of universes like itself and therefore flourishes and the conditions which make black holes favourable are precisely those which harbor life.

Could this then be the origin of the fifth force of nature or is God even more fundamental, so the question is answered then what God was doing before he created this Univers he was rolling the dice in the centre of a black hole where he couldn’t be seen!

Since You’ve Been Gone

Now it has been nearly 2 weeks since the disappearance of George from the lost world, his good friend Zippy who is severely missing him did phone him up while he was in the middle of cleaning the toilet at home with his little pinnie on, but other than that we have heard nothing from him.

So if you are reading this George please drop in sometime, we won a tenner on the lottery the other week, Dynorod have been called out again and Zippy is having a nervous breakdown talking about all the extra jobs he has acquired but it seems that everyone else is actually doing them.

I have also posted some more pictures, There is Alf as an Angel, The Balloon Warden being voted for president and if you look real careful in that one there is Alf again in the crowd.

One of the photos depicts Magnum PI on his new form of transport since his beloved new SAAB car was nicked the other day when he popped in his house to get a plaster for his foot and left the engine running – like you do – and some guy walking past wondering where his next fix of crack would come from nicked off with it.

Note the above however is top secret so don’t tell anyone will you!

There is a photo of Me and Alf floating round in the sky, which Alf has an umbrella and I am upside down defying Gravity, then there is Slim Shady/Mini Roundabout/The Honeymonster/Breezeblock* (*delete as applicable) as Mr Muscles himself and his opponent N-man as the new karate kid.

Finally we have Zippy your partner who is sadly lost without you dressed up as a demon, and Zippy actuall jotted down this message to you today and I quote…

“Hi George, er I mean David oh whatever, I have been really moody just lately, rushing around like a blue arsed fly and I haven’t been able to nip out as much as I used to, the Lost World Megaphone is still busy over by the window here broadcasting everyone’s foibles and cock-up’s.

I hope you are doing okay in your retirement, the place seems somehow empty without you moping around in your usual absent minded way and I personally am missing you but in your absence I have mastered the art of delegation.

I was looking for a proof reading of a Class B label today but couldn’t find it anywhere, next time you pop in you might like to give me a few more pointers so I can show someone else how to do even more of your jobs.

Anyway I had better go, Tiger on the shopfloor wants me to do something, and I haven’t got a clue, anyway I hope you found the guy who skidded your pan when I phoned up the other day – have to go er bye”

Well George I hope that was informative, some new guy called Boris has taken over your desk this week, some say he is a Russian Spy, he keeps asking people niggly annoying questions and then writing it all down on his computer.

He also upset Alf on Monday when he was trying to put the production figures in the AS400 by asking him some of the most stupid questions he has ever heard, well apart from the questions I ask anyhow and he then complained to our leader the Balloon Warden about it.

The Balloon Warden says next time Boris asks him if they pull the cars out by hand if they get stuck and not use the correct procedure he should tell him to p*ss off – I must admit the correct procedure did sound rather involved.

The Balloon Warden also told me that Boris is a spy and should be fed a lot of propaganda about doing things properly he also said next time he asks me for a cup of tea with one flat sugar and a drop of milk I should put salt in instead.

It was reported by Slim Shady that Boris was spotted by Tiger hidden behind the wall near the dryer with boot polish on his face probably for camouflage with deal boppers on his head and a pair of binoculars in one hand and a camera in the other, obviously then rumors started flying around that he was a Russian Spy.

Anyway he has gone now and your desk is once again deserted this helps Zippy since it gives him a place to escape to when life with Slim Shady gets too hard in the back office especially if anyone mentions the quantity of Blue Black Stain we have in stock.

You might remember, well obviously you will that just before you left the nice people at Multi Spray came and fitted us a new spraying machine which was so good that Alf had a fight with one of the men in the yard.

Well it turns out that in order for the machine to work the spray needs to be in suspension however all the spray we stock apparently isn’t in suspension so the Balloon Warden says we will have to use up the old stuff first in the old machine.

Anyway Slim Shady seems to have become addicted to hoarding the stuff because we seem to have over eight grands worth of the stuff – enough to last us years and this has lead to numerous jokes about Blue Black Spray been told teasingly to Shady which usually results in displacement of Shadys anger and is redirected at Zippy which leaves him – yes you got it Black and Blue.

So if you do pay a visit George – whatever you do be sure to mention Blue Black Spray to slim shady, even Boris with his one flat sugar and his boot polish joined in at one point.

The only other thing which seems to turn Slim Shady into a roaring gorilla is the mention of Guardsman, yes, you got it the company that we are told we must order our personal protection equipment from and I must admit that sitting where he does Zippy needs as much personal protection as he can get.

Oh yes and there is the Vico sanding machine which doesn’t seem to be doing its job properly yet judging by the quantity of Selected Golden Browns that are coming off the production line.

Some huge guy called Frank came to fit it in between his power naps only the nozzles were too big and this resulted in sand getting everywhere in the factory and poor Slim Shady looked at one point like a Arab Nomad when he went out to see what was happening on the plant.

Anyway the problem seems to have been temporarily solved for the next few weeks since we aren’t using it therefore we aren’t making any more sand faced products till the recycling hiccup has been solved, the boffins at Vico are busy with the challenge as we speak.

If the problem is not ironed out it was pointed out by Alf at one stage when coming in from the sandstorm the Guardsman are going to be doing a roaring trade in personal protection equipment.

We have also had Dynorod out again, in fact it was me who phoned them up at Alfs request tonight and guess what the cheeky sods thought it was a crank call and this got The Balloon Warden reminiscing about the tricks he did when he was a mischievous youngster.

He said when he was young he used to phone taxis to peoples houses in the middle of the night with the instructions that they should knock loudly and not worry if no lights were on since they often sat round in the dark conserving electric.

And on this subject it seems that Gas prices have literally gone through the roof these last few days and we all need to make sure we conserve as much gas as possible but at the same time making sure that the quality of the product does not suffer this has given rise to a whole host of ingenious plans for firing the kiln.

Boris said in Russia they run there kilns on sawdust from the nearby saw mills and Slim Shady was wondering if Blue Black Spray was any good as a fuel, I suggested Nuclear powered kilns which lead to a look of pity from the other members of this particular brainwashing session.

Captain Caveman who was at the window collecting his tickets for some bricks while this debate was going on said his telly runs on gas and if gas is running out he won’t be able to keep up with Coronation Street now that Emily has forgiven that guy who killed her husband in 1973.

Alf says the moment they go back to Oil fired kilns is the moment he decides to put on his pinafore and go follow in the footsteps of George but he did had that collecting peoples farts had been thought of before and the stumbling block is collecting sufficient quantities of the gas before it gets diluted by the air.

So far no one has been able to decide a solution but other than all that George everything at the Lost World is ticking along like it always has and apart from Zippys constant moaning your disappearance grows less of a shock everyday but you will always be part of our hearts.

On a final note George, The N Man and The Balloon Warden have been involved in top secret discussions to draw up an entrance exam for all the people they are planning to employ at The Lost World in the near future and I can reveal one of the questions that I am told will make it on to the final paper…

Q2 Janet has filled a bath up for John, it is a big bath and now she needs it emptying, she has in her possession a a) teacup b) teaspoon and c) bucket, answer briefly in the space below just how you would go about emptying the bath

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Below the question is psychometric analysis of possible responses from the potential Lost World occupant

If the applicant has answered (b) then he will definitely fit in well in the office especially if sitting near Slim Shady which he would be able to enjoy many mutual intellectual debates.

If the applicant answers (a) he would make a very good subordinate to Zippy or Alf and could easily fit in well out on the yard or counting bricks with Zippy near the dehacker or even playing in the quarry with Bill and his big digger.

If the applicant answers © he is definite showing possible signs of thinking for himself and could be up to the IQ of even Alf therefore he would be wise to be employed elsewhere.

Finally if the applicant answers simply that “he would pull out the plug” he obviously his quite sane and employment a The Lost World would be very unsuitable.

I am quite sure that you George are feeling a little alien outside the institution with all the many thousands who would pull out the plug but never mind you can always pop back from time to time and will be made to feel very welcome!

Well we have just moved into spring and I am entering my twentieth month without an alcoholic drink and during that time as many of you avid readers will know I have moved from Hogwarts/Flintstones Park to the lost world and my mental health to me seems to have gradually improved.

Of course my long term colleague of The Lost World, The Slim Shady still refers to me as a slack c*nt but blimey if he knew me a few years back he would certainly not even have had the adjectives to describe my bizarre behavior.

The Headmistress who came from The Park to visit us this week actually witnessed the tail-end of my last few drunken bouts since she was newly employed under the old empire as a Purchasing Manager back then.

Of course the headmistress being a young female was happily welcomed yesterday by my fellow colleagues, Zippy commented that she was maturing with age like a ripening banana – I don’t know what he meant.

Meanwhile Alf sent me a requisition for a pair of boobs instead of boots after coming out of The Balloon Wardens office looking rather flustered where The Headmistress was entertaining her male guests from the electric board.

Of Slim Shady would have had a lot more to say about it but he was busy trying to sort is Green Brick machine out which was letting big lumps of clay into the fine powder after the strange electrician from Calder had been seen fiddling earlier in the week.

Life now appears to carry on just as if George had never even worked here, and if you are reading this George don’t be too disheartened this is a general phenomena at most large organizations – I am sure your sentiments are now returned and you just don’t know how you managed to fit your day job in as well.

The Balloon Warden is away in America visiting his daughter and before he left he kindly gave me permission to reorganize my desk and the Dispatch Printers, I now have one long desk with all my tasks to hand and would describe myself as a epitome of pure efficiency.

Pinky and Perky the two brothers who load our wagons are still planning there next money spinning idea, they really remind me of that old coronation street bin mans acting part in the TV program Heartbeat with there carry on.

They have both bought motorcycles now, a Yamaha R6 each and this has meant that Zippy had to buy one as well to keep up with the Jones like.. Alf says he will soon get bored of it and they will all be off on to the next fad.

But Zippy does really seem to have the hots for The Headmistress he was busy asking me what it was like to work with such a beautiful creature and I had to confess that it was sometimes embarrassing to get up since after she completed her early morning aerobics I would find myself with a huge erection.

He even emailed her asking for her to phone him the pretending in a childish way that only Michael Crawford could imitate in “some mothers do have em” that it he didn’t know how the email had happened and even tried to blame me.

Of course I am just a silent observer of all this chaos but it does seem strange somehow that the act of observation seems to affect the characters in the play, this makes me think that is why God does not reveal himself in the real world since it would spoil the soul progression for those who witnessed it.

Maybe I do live in a world which is dominated by the bigger picture of life, it helps me escape from the monotonous daily grind of life in what has been described by scientists as the most interesting periods of mankind’s development.

I do occasionally manage to have the odd intellectual debate with the numerous wagon drivers who pass through The Lost World, one person in particular has a look like me, you know a sort of absent minded smile and this is Rastrick Potter (everyone calls him Harry but my agent says there is already a Harry in my back catalogue of adventures so I must call him something else).

Rastrick Potter is another of life’s little gems said the Balloon War