A Day At The Market
Written 26/9/07 Day 1121 NX14F
The Ice Queen asks Raging Bull and Luke Baggins to go to Skirlington Market.
She wants some bread and some sausages.
Luke Baggins says "Good I like bread."
Raging Bull says "Good I like sausages."
Raging Bull and Luke Baggins like shopping at Skirlington Market.
The Ice Queen gives Luke Baggins some money to buy the bread and the sausages which she has lent off Mad Mick who she has inexplicably stopped calling “Mad Mick” and started calling “Michael”.
Raging Bull thinks The Ice Queen is displaying a surprisingly sexist attitude.
She does not say anything because The Ice Queen has a vicious temper and has been known to throw glass ashtrays at people; stub cigs out in their eyes and pour curry’s over people’s heads.
Luke Baggins puts the money in his pocket. He does not think about anything
He never does. He is a boy. Also The Ice Queen hits him when he thinks.
Raging Bull and Luke Baggins put on their hats and coats; Luke Baggins has one of those hats with a frilly pompom on its apex and flaps that cover his ears this was given to him by his Pink Grandma Battyeford Lill.
Battyeford Lill has lots of these hats left over from when her youngest son was a schoolboy before he turned into The Ticking Bomb/Muffin Man schizophrenic personality combination.
Raging Bull carries the shopping basket.
It is very heavy.
The Market they have decided to go to today is a very long way away but not to worry because Lukes daddy Mad Mick is taking Luke Baggins and Raging Bull in his car along with his mummy Battyeford Lill, who provided Luke also with the mittens with strings on them which pass through the arms of his coat so he doesn’t loose them.
Stig is coming as well. Stig is Lukes little brother.
Raging Bull says "Can I have my Sony PSP back"
Luke Baggins says "Say please".
Luke Baggins can be very irritating.
Raging Bull breathes in and out. Raging Bull counts to ten.
Raging Bull says " Can I have my Sony PSP back."
Luke Baggins looks at her. Luke Baggins looks at Raging Bull.
Luke Baggins says "Why should I?" Luke Baggins sniggers. Luke Baggins doesn’t know where his Sony PSP has gone, it was last seen just before his Mummy, The Ice Queen moved houses, which he says is very mysterious so he now tries to borrow Raging Bulls all the time
Luke Baggins is very pleased with himself. He has just killed the lollipop monster on the game he is playing on the Sony PSP
Luke Baggins can be very very irritating.
"Can I have my Sony PSP back?" Raging Bull says, "Can I have my Sony PSP back".
"If you don’t give me my Sony PSP" Raging Bull says "I will tell The Ice Queen what you did with Lethal Weapon behind the school toilets."
Luke Baggins gives her the Sony PSP.
They have just arrived at the Market, they meet The Zookeeper, his mum The Bradley Megaphone and his disabled brother Marcus Deponicus Popeyeus, The Zookeeper’s son The Uphill Gardener is already at the market somewhere.
Luke Baggins and Raging Bull go round the market together
Luke Baggins is quiet. Luke Baggins is not smiling
Raging Bull is quiet. Raging Bull never smiles – she is going through puberty but luckily for Luke this is one of her calm days, she can have very unpredictable mood swings because her body is changing in lots of ways, something to do with hormones Stig tags along quietly behind adrift in one of his far away dreamy world where people are nice and never argue
Raging Bull and Luke Baggins go into Mr Green's shop at The Market
Luke Baggins asks Mr Green for bread.
Luke Baggins asks Mr Green for sausages.
Mr. Green gets the bread. He gets the sausages.
While Mr Green is getting the bread and getting the sausages
Raging Bull gets twenty Benson and Hedges and two bottles of alcopop.
Raging Bull puts them in her pockets. Raging Bull has big pockets.
Raging Bull is a big girl. Raging Bull has done this before.
Raging Bull likes shopping at Mr
Greens shop at Skirlington Market even though it is hundred miles from where she lives. Luke Baggins pays Mr Green for the bread.
Luke Baggins pays Mr Green for the sausages.
"Thank you Mr Green" says Luke Baggins
"Thank you for the bread.
Thank you for the sausages."
Mr. Green is fat and jolly.
He says "Come back later Luke Baggins.
Come back later Raging Bull and I will show you my special sausage."
Luke Baggins says "Thank you Mr Green. I would like to see your sausage"
Raging Bull does not say anything.
Raging Bull pulls Luke Baggins from the shop.
Raging Bull and Luke Baggins walk down the isle between all the busy stalls.
Outside Mr. Gupta's shop they meet The Uphill Gardener.
"Hello Uphill Gardener." says Luke Baggins.
"Hello Uphill Gardener." says Raging Bull.
"Hello Luke Baggins. Hello Raging Bull." says The Uphill Gardener.
"We are shopping for The Ice Queen" says Luke Baggins.
"My Grandma is in the Amusements" says The Uphill Gardener.
"So is our Grandma" says Raging Bull.”, Our Grandma is a big gambler”
"I know she is" says The Uphill Gardener.
Luke Baggins does not say anything. He is looking down the street.
"I can see Pippin." says Luke Baggins. "Look Raging Bull. Look Uphill Gardener" says Luke Baggins
"Pippin is coming."
"So what else is new?" says Raging Bull.
Luke Baggins likes Pippin.
Pippin says "Hello Luke Baggins. Hello Raging Bull. Hello Uphill Gardener".
Luke Baggins says "Hello Pippin."
The Uphill Gardener says "Hello Pippin."
Raging Bull does not say anything.
Raging Bull thinks Pippin is a little slapper.
Luke Baggins says "We are shopping for The Ice Queen."
Pippin says "Isnt it a big coincidence that we all meet at the market 100 miles from where we live when there are loads of other markets nearer."
The Uphill Gardener says "My daddy is poorly again."
Luke Baggins says "He was last week."
Raging Bull says "No last week he was angry because Uncle Shrek left some dogs for him to look after for a bit then didn’t come back for them so he had to take them back to the Ice Mansion early in the morning".
Pippin says "Oh yes I heard about that didn’t The Ice Queens boyfriend, The Russian Spy throw The Zookeeper over the washing line?".
The Uphill Gardener says "No my Daddy through the Russian Spy over the washing line but that was a few days before on his first attempt to return the
dogs to Uncle Shrek".
Raging Bull decides to change the subject.
"Let's go to the Park where the slides and the trampoline and the duck pond is" says Raging Bull.
"Yes" says Luke Baggins "Let's go to the Park".
The Uphill Gardener says "The Park is boring".
"Let's hang about here instead" says The Uphill Gardener.
"I have booze and fags" says Raging Bull.
"We can have them in the Park" she says.
"I like booze and fags" says The Uphill Gardener.
"I will come to the Park" he says.
"I like booze and fags" says Pippin.
"I will come to the Park" she says.
Raging Bull looks at Pippin. She looks at her.
"Who asked you" she says.
"Oh go on Raging Bull" says Luke Baggins.
"I like Pippin" he says.
"I like it when she comes".
"So I've noticed" says Raging Bull.
Raging Bull and Luke Baggins go to the Park.
The Uphill Gardener and Pippin go to the Park.
They all go to the Park.
Meanwhile still at the Market, Luke and Raging Bulls Pink Grandma, Battyeford Lill is looking for a really cheap bargain to take back with her.
Battyeford Lill is really tight, she even makes Ebenezer Scrooge look generous and that is in comparison before he saw the three ghosts.
Battyeford Lill reuses used teabags, leaves the kettle in the sunlight to cut down on the energy required to boil the water and buys all the “whoops” foods that are close to the sell by date food at the local supermarket.
She still has one of them mean old TVs, the kind that had actual wired circuits and tubes. She was advised by the electricity saving guru that it was better to leave it on all the time because it took so much energy to warm it up to the point of operation. Switching it on and off frequently was very hard on the circuitry
Battyeford Lill once made the news when she read all the fine print on a £10 off coupon in the paper. It was £10 off any new kitchen at a local dealership. There was nothing on the coupon that prohibited the use of more than one. She purchased 200 papers, and cut out the coupon from each of them. She walked into the dealership, picked out a £2000 kitchen, and attempted to pay with her coupons. The dealer of course got quite angry and refused. She called a
solicitor and some of the consumer protection numbers. And well that’s how she got a new kitchen It is rumoured that when her son Mad Mick takes her up town shopping and they park in the Pay and Display car park near the indoor market she likes to make sure we get the full 2 hours that they pay for and if they get back into the car for example ten minutes early she insists on sitting there until all the time is used up.
Another money saving tip she uses is to freeze the milk in those ice cube trays so when she makes a cup of tea with the used teabag she can use a milk cube that has just enough milk in it for one cup!
Indeed a full adventure story in itself can be written about Battyeford Lills money saving techniques, but what does she do with all the money she saves, yes she can be found in the amusements feeding it into those one armed bandits.
Anyway today Battyeford Lill is exchanging lots of gossip with The Bradley Megaphone; well really it’s a one way exchange because Bradley Megaphone is telling her everything because she is the eyes and the ears of Bradley.
So far she has told Battyeford Lill how the magic pixies arnt coming anymore, where the Muffin Man gets his jam from and all about how the Tazmanian Devil being cross with Hermanie who is another of her grand-daughters.
She is also pushing her other son Marcus Deponicus Popeyeus round the market in his
wheelchair, Marcus crashed his motorbike back in 1987 and has since then been unable to walk very well. Mad Mick is really being annoying with his new camera though, he thinks he is a movie producer and keeps filming Battyeford Lill who is getting really p*ssed off.
He also writes loads of stupid “stories” about people as well which he thinks are really funny but no one else shares his sense of humour, Luke’s mummy The Ice Queen says it is a shame he has nothing better to do with his life and refers to him sometimes as a sad b*stard, this sentiment is echoed by many people who know him from the village of Bradley.
Meanwhile The Zookeeper who is Bradley Megaphones other son and was Mad Mick’s best friend at school is sat in his car in the car park feeling poorly again when Mad Mick comes back with a remote control boat he has bought for £22.
The Zookeeper got all stressed again after the incident with Uncle Shrek bringing him some dogs to look after, he says that everyone comes to his house with their problems and he is fed up of it.
Soon it is time for them all to go home, Battyeford Lill has found a few items and spent all of 50p on them but thrown £60 in a fruit machine, Luke Baggins, Raging Bull and Stig are a bit wobbly but have bought the sausages and bread for the Ice Queen and Luke has bought a pair of trainers (see video).
Marcus Deponicus Popeyeus has bought nothing because he never has any money but likes Battyeford Lill a lot but this is made up for by The Bradley Megaphone who has found a new pair of binoculars and one of those special agent microphones that pick up peoples conversations.
Stig has managed to find a toy fire extinguisher which is full of sweeties, a warning on it says this item should not be used against real fires which makes everyone laugh.
The Uphill Gardener still didn’t find what he wanted which was a new name that this lousy one he has found himself with after complaining his last pseudonym wasn’t politically correct.
The
DVD
A
Day
At
The
Market
(feat
Deers
Foot
III)
The Story Of The Eight Ice People & The Naughty Buttercup
Written 17/10/07 Day 1142 CS3F
Once upon a time there were Eight People who lived together, four children and four adults in The Ice Mansion in Almondbury.
One of them was a Little Small Wee Baby called Hans, and one was a Middle-sized little girl called Bobble, and another of them was a Great Huge Man called Uncle Shrek. They had each a pot for their porridge; a little pot for the Little,
Small, Wee Baby Hans, and one was a middle-sized pot for Bobble and a Great pot for Uncle Shrek. And they had each a chair to sit in; a little chair for the little, Small, Baby Hans, and a middle-sized chair for Bobble and a Great chair for the Great, Huge, Uncle Shrek. And they had each a bed to sleep in; a little cot-bed for the Little, Small, Wee Baby Hans, and a middle-sized bed for Bobble and a settee for the Great, Huge Uncle Shrek.
Also living at the house was its owner The Ice Queen and her new husband The Russian Spy who had gone away on their Honeymoon to Scarborough.
There was also Luke Baggins and Stig, The Ice Queens two sons who were often very naughty who had gone for the weekend to see Luke’s daddy Mad Mick who was a slightly eccentric individual but that is another story
Finally there was Great, Huge, Uncle Shrek’s bank, cook and girlfriend Miss Jiggy who was today staying her mummy’s house though she often stayed at The Ice Mansion
One day, after they had made the porridge for their breakfast, and poured it into their porridge-pots, they walked out to the off-license to buy some cans of Stella for Uncle Shrek while the porridge was cooling, that they might not burn their mouths by beginning too soon to eat it. And while they were walking, a very naughty little girl called Buttercup came to the house. She could not have been a good, honest girl; for first she looked in at the window, and then she peeped in at the key-hole; and seeing nobody in the house, she lifted the latch. The door not fastened, because the Ice People were good People, who did nobody any harm, and never suspected that any body would harm them. So Buttercup opened the door and went in.
Buttercup was feeling a bit poorly from the night before when she had been partying with Hermanie, Stampoff and Wirral and had only had a hours sleep but hadn’t taken any white powder that makes you stay up all night and feel paranoid the next day.
She saw the porridge on the table. If she had been a good Buttercup without any munchies, she would have waited till the Owners of the house came home, and then; perhaps, they would have asked her to breakfast; for they were good people - a little dodgy sometimes, especially Bobble who had once pinched Miss Jiggys make up, but for all that very good-natured and hospitable. But she was an impudent, Moody, psychotic, paranoid and deeply unhappy and set about helping herself.
So first she tasted the porridge of Uncle Shrek, and that was too hot for her; and she said a naughty word about that. And then she tasted the porridge of Bobble, and that was too cold for her; and she said a bad word about that too. And then she went to the porridge of the Little, Small, Wee Baby Hans, and tasted that; and that was neither too hot nor too cold, but just right; and she liked it so well she ate it all up: but Buttercup said that that one was peng. Then Buttercup sat down in the chair of the Huge Uncle Shrek, and that was too hard for her. And then she sat down in the chair of Bobble, and that was too soft for her. And then she sat down in the chair of the Little, Small Wee Baby Hans, and that was neither too hard nor too soft, but just right. So she seated herself in it and there she sat till the bottom of the chair came out, and down came hers, plump upon the ground. And the naughty Buttercup said a wicked word about that too.
Then Buttercup went up stairs into the bedrooms in which the Most of the occupants slept. And first she lay down upon the double bed of the Ice Queen and The Russian Spy; but that was too worn out and wobbly for her. And then she lay down upon the bed of Stig; and that was p*ss wet through. And next she lay down upon the bed of Luke Baggins; and that was a bit damp as well. And next she lay down upon the bed of Bobble; and that full of Miss Jiggys make up which Bobble had stolen. And then she lay down upon the bed of Miss Jiggy; and that had wet pillows from the many tears that had flowed since she met Uncle Shrek. And then she lay down upon the bed of Uncle Shrek; and that was really smelly with stale beer. And then she lay down upon the bed of the Little, Small, Wee Baby Hans; and that was neither too high at the head nor at the foot, it was dry on the base and on the pillows, but just right. So she covered herself up comfortably, and lay there till she fell fast asleep, she hadn’t slept properly for ages due to all the “stuff” she hadn’t taken at her friends party
By this time the Uncle Shrek, Bobble and Baby Hans thought their porridge would be cool enough; so they came home to breakfast. Now Buttercup had left the spoon of Great Huge Uncle Shrek standing in his porridge.
"Somebody has been at my porridge!"
Said Huge Uncle Shrek, in his great, rough, gruff voice while puffing away at his bong and when the Bobble looked at hers she saw that the spoon was standing in it too. They were wooden spoons; if they had been silver ones, the naughty Buttercup would have put them her pocket so she could sell them to have more extravagant parties like she had the night before
"Somebody has been at my porridge!”
Said Bobble in her stupid squeaky baby-like voice.
Then the Little, Small, Wee Baby Hans looked at his, and there was the spoon in the porridge-pot, but the porridge was all gone.
"Somebody has been at my porridge, and has eaten it all up!"
Said Little, Small, Wee Baby Hans, in his little, small, wee voice.
Upon this Uncle Shrek, Bobble and Baby Hans, seeing that some one had entered The Ice Mansion, and eaten up the Little, Small, Wee Baby Han’s breakfast, began to look about them. Now Buttercup had not put the hard cushion straight when she rose from the chair of the Huge Uncle Shrek.
"Somebody has been sitting in my chair!"
Said Huge Uncle Shrek, in his great, rough, gruff voice while taking a swig of his early morning can of Stella
And Buttercup had squatted down the soft cushion of the Bobble.
"Somebody has been sitting in my chair !"
Said Bobble in her tearful sad voice.
And you know what Buttercup had done to the third chair.
"Somebody has been sitting in my chair, and has sat the bottom of it out!"
Said little, small, Wee Baby Hans, in his little, small, wee voice.
Then Bobble, Uncle Shrek and Baby Hans thought it necessary that they should make farther search; so they went, up stairs into their bedrooms. Now Buttercup had pulled the pillow of the Huge Uncle Shrek out of its place.
"Somebody has been lying in my bed!"
Said Great, Huge Uncle Shrek in his great, rough, gruff voice while taking a long drag of his spliff
And Buttercup had pulled the bolster off Bobbles out of its place.
"Somebody has been lying in my bed!"
Said Bobble in her girlie voice.
And when the Little, Small, Wee Bear came to look at his bed, there was the bolster in its place; and the pillow in its place upon the bolster; and upon the pillow was Buttercup's, dirty head - which was not in its place, for she had no business there.
"Somebody has been lying in my bed and here she is!"
Said the Little, Small, Wee Baby Hans, in his little, small, wee voice.
Buttercup had heard in her sleep the great, rough, gruff voice of the Great Huge Uncle Shrek; but she was so fast asleep that it was no more to her than the roaring of wind or the rumbling of thunder. And she had heard the squeaky voice of Bobble, but it was only as if she had heard some one speaking in a dream. But when she heard the little, small, wee voice of the Little, Small, Wee Baby Hans, it was so sharp and so shrill that it awakened her at once. Up she started; and when she saw the Uncle Shrek, Bobble and Hans on one side of the bed, she tumbled herself out at the other, and ran to the window.
Now the window was open, because they all like good, tidy Ice People, as they were, always opened their bedrooms window when they got up in the morning. Out Buttercup jumped; and whether she broke her neck in the fall, or ran into the neighbourhood and was lost, or found her way out of the wood and was taken up by the Police and sent to drug correction facility, I can not tell. But the Bobble, Baby Hans and Master Shrek never saw any thing more of her
It is thought that maybe she now shares a skip with Grey Mick who was succumbed to dark side before her but no one knows for sure
Journeys To The Force
Written 19/10/07 Day 1144 XR9RR
For as far back as I can remember I have been able to leave my body behind and enjoy journeys in the world where I cannot be seen or heard like a ghost, usually in the dead of night under the illusion I was asleep
The real reason for doing a Physics degree was to enable me to make sense of certain elements of my existence.
However, science, for all its sophistication, remains unable to provide me with a verifiable explanation of what happens to me after I die, which has indeed happened to me on at least one occasion
All my life I have been searching for more precise, logical and personally confirmable answers to the age-old existential questions such as: "Where did I come from?", "Where will I go when I die?", "What is it like there?", "Who else will be there?" and "What is the purpose of my life?"
For the time being, physics, through its conventional paradigm, has limitations and has developed no means by which to answer these questions, as it is unable to confirm the existence of life in other dimensions.
From this historical perspective, the most telling conclusion I can draw from studies and personal experiences of Journeys into the Force is that human beings are more than just their physical bodies. When I experience a lucid force journey, I have irrefutable evidence that the physical body is merely a temporary "house" through which one's consciousness or awareness manifests in the physical dimension.
For what occurs during Journeys into the Force (which usually takes place when I am asleep) is a separation of the force body from the physical body. If I have awareness during the experience, I see that this self-awareness resides in the force body, not in the physical body. The most concrete personal evidence of this is when I gain lucidity outside the body and witness my physical body sleeping on the bed. This occurred during the near-death experience I had in 1990. Thousands of documented reports of accident victims and cardiac arrest patients, among others, attest to this phenomenon known as the NDE.
My force body is connected to my physical body by a retractable energy field, which to me looks like a silver cord. This silver cord acts like a set of reins on my force body body, preventing it from getting lost in the realms of the force or failing to return to my physical body. The silver cord acts as an energetic intermediary between the physical and my force body and it seems is broken only at the time of biological death, at which point the force body (housing the consciousness) departs to begin a new period between physical lives (the afterlife period).
This constant (usually unconscious) exchange of energy is responsible for maintaining the necessary functioning of the body and for keeping it alive, both when the individual is in the waking state and when he or she is outside the body. This energetic connection similarly enables the force body to travel far from the physical base.
The Force is one of many terms used to describe the field of energy that emanates from and encompasses every living being. It is also known as vital energy, chi, aura, prana and life force. A natural element, The Force is present in all human processes and interactions. What most people don't realise is that it's also a significant resource that is within our capacity to control.
There are innumerable benefits to mastering my own Force field. In the context of Journeys into the Force, the control of The Force is a key component in producing the Journey into the force and is responsible for the level of lucidity I am able to acquire outside the physical body, and is the resource that enables me to carry out tasks and maintain balance in the force body dimension.
Journey Into The Force Or An Altered State Of Consiousness
With the silver cord ensuring a constant connection between the physical and my force body, it is possible to have a rich variety of lucid experiences outside my body. I can travel in the physical realm or visit other dimensions, meet old friends and make new acquaintances I can even sneak into ladies showers and pop into young ladies bedrooms. But how can I be so sure that what I experience is real, and not a dream or some other altered state of consciousness provoked by any number of things such as drugs, hormones or alcohol?
Some of the characteristics of the conscious Journey into the force that clearly distinguish it from a dream or hallucination include the following:
I am are lucid, active participants of my journey, taking decisions and using my mental attributes, whilst in dreams I remain passive, having no control over the dream experience;
Environments and situations encountered during a projection are real, whilst in my dreams they may be distorted or nonsensical;
Situations encountered in projections occur independently of my capacity for creativity and imagination;
My projections are more difficult to recollect than dreams, as the experience occurs beyond, and is not recorded by, my physical brain;
I can see my physical body and even touch it; dreams occur inside my physical body;
I experience a sense of liberty, well-being, expanded awareness and sometimes euphoria at being able to fly and pass through physical objects; dreams provide more mundane feelings and experiences;
I often perceive the departure and return of my force body from the physical body; this does not occur in dreams.
Journey Into The Force And Its Applications
Whilst it is important that the sensations associated with Journeys into the Force along with myriad other related phenomena are studied, identified and understood, it is essential that they be examined as part of a larger context that properly acknowledges the value of the experience.
What precisely, then, is the value of Journeys into the Force? The real purpose of the Journeys into the Force is, I believe, to precipitate major personal evolution by providing individuals with opportunities to perceive first-hand the invisible, yet real, force body dimensions with which they interact all the time. A tool for self-research, Journeys into the Force enables me to know who I really am - that is, I am not just the physical body but a consciousness in evolution.
During a journey, as the consciousness leaves my physical brain and manifests in the brain of my force body (where the memory of my previous lives resides) there is an increased probability of recalling my past lives and, therefore, of furthering my understanding of evolution, the process of physical birth and death and the cycle of successive lives, Indeed I remember being called Mary and living in London during the great depression of the 1930s
It's also logical to reason that the acknowledgement that we do not die brings with it a complexity of consideration relating to: past and present relationships and possible interconnections between the two; pathologies that have manifested over previous lives in addition to the current life; the period between lives; our multidimensional curriculum; and our purpose or task in this physical life.
Where Do We Go When We Leave The Body
From my rather limited experience and what I have read about the subject I can surmise the following;
Whilst there is only one physical dimension, the force body dimension is multi-layered, consisting of many planes or dimensions. This makes Journeys into the Force an extremely rich, educational and interesting experience. However, the majority of people, when they leave their bodies, remain in the dimensional layer closest to the physical dimension which is as far as I myself have travelled.
Typically, a particular dimension is inhabited by consciousnesses who share affinities in terms of the quality of their energies, intentions, thoughts and sentiments. For example, there are dimensions populated by those who lack awareness of the fact that they are no longer alive in the biological sense, for example, The Bruce Willis film, “The Sixth Sense”.
Other dimensions, by contrast, are inhabited by advanced societies, communities of evolved consciousnesses who are fully aware of the ongoing cycle of successive lives. These consciousnesses plan their next physical life according to objectives that include assisting humankind, evolving further and assisting others with their evolution.
Methods That facilitate & inhibit projective ability
Although every human being experiences some degree of separation of the force body from the physical body every night while sleeping, the big challenge lies in being able to achieve enough lucidity whilst out of the body to be able to be certain of what is happening and to control the experience. This would consequently assist in the recall of the experience once back in the physical body.
Fortunately, however, I have a number of mechanisms that facilitate lucid Journey into the Force which I have practised sat in my bedroom on a night. I usually wear loose clothing and lie on my back on the bed. The bedroom should be dark, quiet, totally private, its absolutely no good if my brother the Ticking Bomb is playing his pointless sh*t music. I concentrate on a point in space some 2 foot below the ceiling and imagine myself being pulled there. I need to be relaxed, well rested, in a state of emotional equilibrium, motivated, confident of achieving success and without fear or doubt about the experience.
Other factors that similarly have been known to inhibit Journeys into the Force or diminish their quality: watching films or TV programs such has heroes or reading books that are either exciting or violent in nature or indeed reading any of my own silly stories, engaging in conflict with others, thinking negative thoughts, certainly drinking or using any type of drug, or indulging negative emotions of any variety, especially fear.
The practitioner should also take care of physiological needs prior to trying to have an Journey Into The Force, as a full stomach or bladder, for example, will make it difficult to be comfortable and forget the physical body—a prerequisite for having an Journey Into The Force.
In the same way, factors and techniques that facilitate the recall of the period spent outside the human body I have identified. For example, applying me to the improvement of my will and memory and to my capacity for attention and concentration can all contribute to the recollection of my force body experiences.
As it is easier to provoke an Journey Into The Force from some altered states of consciousness than from the ordinary physical waking state, then those interested in producing lucid journeys should take advantage whilst experiencing such a condition (if positive or sound) such as: physical tiredness, lucid dreaming, or deep relaxation.
However, the most important qualities, I find essential to producing lucid Journeys into the Force, are strong desire, mental concentration and determination. The effectiveness of these personal qualities should not be underestimated.
Levels of lucidity experienced outside the body
Considering that every human being without exception can temporarily project the consciousness from the physical body, and that this seems as natural a process as breathing and sleeping, then why is it that practically 99 per cent of humans do not remember having any force body experiences?
The answer to this is simple. It's because the majority of people leave their bodies with no lucidity or awareness at all. Many factors, common to the average person, prompt this condition. These include: a lack of interest in everything that is force body; an all-consuming fixation on all things physical; an inability, through ignorance, to distinguish the experience outside the body from a dream of no consequence; and scientific and/or religious conditioning.
But this is not an all-or-nothing scenario. Individuals can experience different levels of awareness outside the body. In a state of semi-awareness, for example, the individual will typically be confused as to his condition and be open to interference from dreamlike images or nightmares.
On a scale of 0–100% of force body lucidity, it is at a level of about 60% that the projected individual gains certainty as to his force body state.
During a lucid out-of-body experience, the individual is able to access and employ all of the capacities he enjoys in the waking state, such as memory, rationality, decision-making and critical judgement.
Interaction between Physical and Force body worlds
The out-of-body experience provides us with an insight into and allows us to understand better how the physical and force body dimensions interact. Thus it is a valuable evolutionary and self-research tool. Knowledge of the mechanism of interaction between these dimensions helps to explain some things in our lives that we would otherwise not be able to explain without resorting to beliefs.
Some examples of phenomena not explained by conventional scientific knowledge today include: the instinctive but certain knowledge that an unseen force is helping us at critical moments in our lives; certain life-changing inspirations and intuitions; perplexing synchronicities; and the sudden (and apparently inexplicable) onset of various moods and emotions.
The theory of the existence of an interrelation between the physical and force body dimensions also explains many documented phenomena such as poltergeists, "material" apparitions of deceased persons who perform a rescue or communicate vital information, and the perceived presence of a relative who has passed away in his or her former home, to name a few.
In the same way that we have relationships and interactions with other physical beings, be they family, friends, work colleagues, acquaintances or strangers, we also have relationships and interactions with force body beings every day. By working at developing awareness of these beings, the nature of our connections to them and their actions and influences upon us, we can have a better understanding of them and we can use this understanding to exert a greater level of control over our lives.
“Jedi” force body beings—individuals of a heightened level of awareness, whose intentions for us are constructive in an evolutionary way—are known by many different names including helpers, spirit guides, guardian angels (Dripping Tap), (force body) masters, mentors and protectors. Unfortunately, many of these expressions have a mystical or religious connotation attached to these beings, when there is nothing mystical or religious about them. They are individuals like us, expressing a high level of maturity and lucidity during their period between lives. They are still evolving, and as part of their evolution they will have future physical lives. These beings specialise in providing assistance to individuals in need. Their work is characterised by their discretion, their level of ethics and their respect for the free will of all individuals. Their presence does not promote any type of guru ship, as it generates an increase in our levels of lucidity, rationality and critical thinking.
Benefits Of Consious Projection
Through having lucid Journey into the Force, I am provided with irrefutable personal evidence of life after death. I can even recall the purpose for this life that was established prior to being born, which can help me to reprioritise my life. I can also recall past lives or periods between lives whilst lucid outside my body.
Regular lucid experiences outside my body have the effect of enhancing my psychic abilities, extrasensory perceptions and sensitivity to energies and of promoting the development of energetic self-control and personal energetic defence capabilities. Equally, an accumulation of such experiences enables me to develop awareness of the nature of their energetic interactions with both physical and force body beings, to offer assistance to needy beings through the transmission of therapeutic energies, to communicate directly with evolved force body beings whose presence the great majority of people are not able to perceive, to expand my self-knowledge and to accelerate the process of personal maturation.
A New Science For A New Century
I think I am maybe a pioneer in this new domain, the ability to talk to out of this world beings has been a big part of my life for years and the desire to block out these experiences through the use of drink and drugs was a major part of my downfall for many years.
Now sober however the experiences have become much stronger and what’s more I actively enjoy these experiences and I think they could be communications from beings far removed from this world that give rise to many of the stories I have written for the last decade.
I believe in this coming century with the merging of the two pillars of science of the 20th Century Quantum Mechanics and General Relativity a new light will be cast upon the select few of us who are enlightened by these abilities
Three Little Girls
Written 23/10/07 Day 1148 CS4R
Once upon a time there were three little girls, called Dandelion, Tulip and Buttercup who left their mummy and daddy’s to see the world.
All summer long, they roamed through the villages and streets, playing games, phoning taxis, having fun and eating talcum powder. None were happier than the three little girls, and they easily made friends with everyone, they did sometimes have the odd fight with each other, in fact once Buttercup was severely beaten up by Dandelion while camping near Bridlington.
On another occasion Tulip and Buttercup had a really nasty argument on MSN Messenger when they ended up saying all sorts of nasty things to each other.
But generally they were good friends most of the time in fact wherever they went, they were given a warm welcome, but as summer drew to a close, they realized that folk were drifting back to their usual jobs, and preparing for winter. Autumn came and it began to rain. The three little girls started to feel they needed a real home. Sadly they knew that the fun was over now and they must set to work like the others, or they'd be left in the cold and rain, with no roof over their heads. They talked about what to do, but each decided for herself. The laziest little girl, Buttercup said she'd build a straw hut.
"It will only take a day,' she said. Dandelion and Tulip disagreed.
"It's too fragile," they said disapprovingly, but Buttercup refused to listen. Not quite so lazy, the Dandelion went in search of planks of seasoned wood.
"Clunk! Clunk! Clunk!" It took her two days to nail them together. But Tulip did not like the wooden house.
"That's not the way to build a house!" she said. "It takes time, patience and hard work to build a house that is strong enough to stand up to wind, rain, and snow, and most of all, protect us from Silverback"
Silverback worked at The Kirklees incinerators in Huddersfield but really this was just a cover story for his real job which was investigating people with special powers and he had his eyes set on Buttercup, Tulip and Dandelion who each had unique special powers.
Buttercup could heal herself like the cheerleader out of the TV program “The Heroes”, Dandelion could read minds like that dodgy copper off the same program and Tulip could fly a bit but wasn’t very good at it but that’s all another story.
Anyway the days went by, and Tulips house took shape, brick by brick. From time to time, Buttercup and Dandelion visited her, saying with a chuckle.
"Why are you working so hard? Why don't you come and play? We are taking photos of peoples bottoms tonight and Buttercups just got another photo of the Ice Queens behind" But stubborn Tulip just said "no". "I shall finish my house first. It must be solid and sturdy. And then I'll come and play!" he said. "I shall not be foolish like you! For he who laughs last, laughs longest!"
It was Tulip that found the tracks of a Silverback Bennet in the neighbourhood.
The little girlies rushed home in alarm. Along came Silverback, scowling fiercely at the lazy Buttercups straw hut.
"Come out!" ordered Silverback Bennet, his eyes beady behind the horn rimmed glasses. I want to speak to you!"
"I'd rather stay where I am!" replied Buttercup in a tiny, squeaky voice, it hadn’t felt that long since she had escaped from The Ice Mansion when she ate all Baby Hans’s Porridge, smashed his chair and p*ssed his bed now she was here!
"I'll make you come out!" growled the Silverback angrily, and puffing out his chest, he took a very deep breath. Then he blew with all his might, right onto the house. And all the straw Buttercup had heaped against some thin poles fell down in the great blast.
You see Mr Silverback had also got a special power of his own he could do fantastic blow jobs!
Excited by his own cleverness, the Silverback did not notice that Buttercup had slithered out from underneath the heap of straw, and was dashing towards her friend Dandelion’s wooden house. When he realized that the Buttercup was escaping, Silverback grew wild with rage.
"Come back!" he roared, trying to catch Buttercup as she ran into the wooden house. Dandelion greeted her friend Buttercup, shaking like a leaf.
"I hope this house won't fall down! Let's lean against the door so he can't break in!"
Outside, the Silverback could hear the little girl’s words. Desperate as he was, at the idea of a two captures in one, he rained blows on the door.
"Open up! Open up! I only want to speak to you!"
Inside, the two girls wept in fear and did their best to hold the door fast against the blows. Then the furious Silverback braced himself a new effort: he drew in a really enormous breath, and went ... WHOOOOO! The wooden house collapsed like a pack of cards.
Luckily, Tulip had been watching the scene from the window of her own brick house, and she rapidly opened the door to her fleeing friends. And not a moment too soon, for Silverback was already hammering furiously on the door. This time, the Silverback had grave doubts. This house had a much more solid air than the others. He blew once, he blew again and then for a third time. But all was in vain. For the house did not budge an inch. The three little girls watched him and their fear began to fade. Quite exhausted by his efforts, the Silverback decided to try one of his tricks. He scrambled up a nearby ladder, on to the roof to have a look at the chimney. However, Tulip had seen this ploy, and he quickly said.
"Quick! Light the fire!" With his long legs thrust down the chimney, Silverback was not sure if he should slide down the black hole. It wouldn't be easy to get in, but the sound of the little girls' voices below only made him feel angrier.
"I'm really angry now! I'm going to try and get down." And he let himself drop. But landing was rather hot, too hot! The Silverback landed in the fire, stunned by his fall.
The flames licked his coat and his trousers became a flaring torch.
"Never again! Never again will I go down a chimney" he squealed, as he tried to put out the flames on his trousers and his coat. Then he ran away as fast as he could.
The three happy little girls, dancing round and round the yard, began to sing.
"All the stars are coming out tonight
There lighting up the sky tonight
For you
For you
All the stars are coming out tonight
There lighting up the sky tonight
For you
For you
Ohhhhhhhhhh
Yeah you and me we can ride on a star
If you stay with me girl
We can rule the world
Yeah you and me we can light up the sky
If you stay by my side
We can rule the world!”
The wicked black Silverback will never come back...!"
From that terrible day on, Tulips friends set to work with a will. In less than no time, up went the two new brick houses. The Silverback did return once to roam in the neighbourhood, but when he caught sight of three chimneys, he remembered the terrible pain of his burnt legs, and he left for good.
Now safe and happy, Tulip called to her friends. "No more work! Come on, let's go and play! Hey I know what to do next why don’t we …
To Be Continued… Someday!
TrampJuice PXR24F
Kestrel Super – “Super Strength, Superb Quality"
At last a rival to challenge Tennents and Special Brew's dominance of the super market. With its 500ml can and 9% it could be a rebadged version of Tennents or the Brew but the review was to prove otherwise. The can was extremely classy with its gold ring pull blending in well with the black and gold colour scheme. If we rated just on appearance the Kestrel would be a sure fire winner.
The picture is evident of the beefy size of the can, it is indeed a handful! The Kestrel surrounded by barley is a nice touch, as is the ring pull that opens without quibble-an essential after quite a few cans, I can assure you! The smell strips your nose but this is no bad thing as it avoids to much of this potent brew being drunk. Saying this, the smell is better than Tennents or Special Brew and plaudits to Kestrel for beating these main rivals on this essential part of the drink. As for the taste... it ever so slightly tasted of tin, possibly due to the review sample being ever so out of date, but this did not detract from the maltiness of the brew. Kestrel, despite its 9% strength proved to be very drinkable and a must for the super lager connoisseurs out there.
In Conclusion: The picture above shows what Kestrel think of their lager and we are inclined to agree with them. This brew is extremely drinkable without the harshness of taste typically associated with the "big boys" of the brewing world.
Well worth a try and possibly worth buying over Tennents and Special Brew. Personally I prefer Tennents but would pick the Kestrel over Special Brew. The problem with Kestrel is availability and as such not many Tramps are seen drinking it. So then, the final score is 7/10
Mad Mick My personal favourite in my hey day, nothing like reaching out under your bed in a morning and getting hold of one of these at 4am when feeling like the world had come to an end, a definite way to start the day.
I used to drink 6 to 8 of these in a 24 hour period on my average day which at 4 ½ units apiece were more than the recommended daily intake each, my score has got to be 8/10
Carlsberg Special Brew "Brewed since 1950, Carlsberg Special Brew is the original strong lager"
Carlsberg special brew is a well known brand of tramp juice, rivalling that of Tennents for mass market awareness. So it was with great pleasure that I took delivery of 4 golden cans of this fine beverage. The golden can design is quite professional, although maybe a tad dark and understated. The can doesn't make a great deal of effort in stating its alcohol, but with a world renowned reputation it probably doesn't need to.
When poured it did so with a surprising amount of head-like most super strengths. I was pleased to see that 500ml cans were provided for this review and are also standard in shops up and down the country. Well done to Carlsberg for this. After the burgandy ring pull was pulled a satisfying hiss accompanied my happy anticipation.
This was to be some brew, and some brew it was. Admittedly a little sweet, this brew was eminently drinkable, almost the perfect super strength and at 9% Carlsberg have hidden the strength well. This brew did not break the 10% barrier like the Rochefort but it still has one hell of a knock out punch. Can be drunk warm but is best drunk chilled, I cannot recommend this brew enough to you. The hangover is extremely harsh and I will personally buy anybody a pint who can drink more than 6 cans of this brew.
In Conclusion: This is probably one of the best brews that I have ever tasted in my life. The alcohol is perfectly disguised and the beer is drinkable hot or cold, rain or shine. 9% is a fair old whack and for the price I doubt this will be bettered although at the time of writing Tennants super has not been fully reviewed. 4 cans is enough to see you drunk and the only downside seeming to be that you don't see many tramps drinking this beverage. Because of this I feel that I have to mark this down but Carlsberg Special Brew still attains 9/10.
Mad Mick: Not one of my favourites, absolutely awful warm and even cold would make me sick, too frothy, the beer I mean.
If you wondered through Bradley Quarry in my heyday the site of one of these usually meaned someone else had been sat in my place and that meant that I had to be very aware of someone sneaking up on me. 5/10
Tennents Super Strength "Very Strong Lager"
Ahh Tennents Super an old favourite with tramps worldwide and some believe a genuine contender to steal the mantle from Carlsberg Special Brew as the tramps choice. The can is very familiar in its metallic blue and if you don't know what one looks like then visit your local bus station or park bench and you are guaranteed to see some discarded tinnies. The 9% and 500ml cans are always nice to see, as is the price-exactly the same as Special Brew probably to compete for the same market. The 4 pack feels trusty and the reputation of this brew goes before it and although I had to purchase it due to no review sample being sent, I was still determined to enjoy the review.
The can appeared to be sturdily constructed and in this case appearances did not prove to be deceptive. The ring pull worked as ring pulls should and opened the can without trouble. The smell could catch the un-wary out, as could the taste of this potent brew. And what a taste! It can only be described as a cross between dog shit and mouldy cheese with a hint of sweetness. But here in lies the appeal of Tennents-even though the taste is so bad it is still drinkable it really is something that has to be experienced to be believed and drinking this brew should be near the top of anyones list of things to do before they die. Tennents is best drunk cold or when your already drunk to mask the taste.
In Conclusion: There are two kinds of Tennents drinkers in this world. Those that like the taste (few) and those that don't (many.) However, you do not drink Tennents for the taste-you drink it because it's Tennents. It's a statement saying "hey look at me i'm on a mission to get drunk" and this is why Tennents is so popular among non-tramps. This popularity is surpassed by those who live at bus stations. Tennents Super is almost in every tramp's hand nationwide. This is why this brew has achieved our coveted "Tramp's Choice Award" and is therefore awarded 10/10
Mad Mick Again not a favourite with me, I would drink it if I had to but I preferred Kestrel or Skol as my ideal companion. It would rid me of the demons just as well as the latter two only it didn’t seem to space me out quite as much.
I always used to find it was strange and ironic that it was mostly drank by homeless people 6/10
Skol Super
After an initial disappointment as I realised that this lager had now been lowered from 9.2% to 9% (seemingly the standard strength for top-end super-lagers). My heart warmed as I saw the condensation on the cold metal, the can, fashioned in a gold and black decoration, (a somewhat favoured design nowadays) boasted a hefty half litre sign on a big red background. The word "super" alone; dominated the centre point of the can's face, this clearly showed me that this was not a beer to be under-estimated. Upon reading the can I noticed that it was in part; produced by Carlsberg; this was a sure sign this super had class and standing amongst competitors and a real chance to be a lager worthy enough to rival the likes of the infamous "Special Brew".
Upon opening the can, with no problems in the ring-pull department, the promised "fruity aromas" were released, they did a good job of masking the smell of the added alcohol, and the liquid nourishment still managed to smell quite inviting. This first sip went down with a trademark shudder, common with the first sip on most super lagers...but infact the lager seemed to taste like no more than...dare I say it...shandy. Yes that’s right this lager has to be the sneakiest super lager I’ve ever supped upon. You could not taste the illusive 9% of alcohol that it claimed to contain; consequently you find yourself getting through the first can relatively quickly, as it seems like you're drinking nothing more than a normal med-strength lager. The effects of the lager, like the taste, seemed to be hidden. But with the last quart of the can the full blow of this lager hit you like a ton of bricks...as if it were about to nock you from your 'oh so comfortable drinking chair'.
We then continued to drink more cans and the effects could be felt for a long time after.
In Conclusion: I deem this super lager worthy of your time. However do not let it deceive you: for behind it’s soft, appeasing taste lies a strong and potent beverage.
A definite must: 9/10
Mad Mick Definitely my ideal choice, even now the Bradley Quarry at the bottom off the cliff adjacent to Mr Wrights Allotment has quite a number of rusty cans which can still even now be identified as this particular brand.
From 1995-2004 I must of spent in the region of £35,000 on these lovely drinks, I would drink them like people consume soft drinks my first one would be at 4am to get me started for the day.
By dinnertime at work the shakes would be starting and I would nip out for a “walk” to keep healthy only I would be gagging for another which I would rapidly consume down near the bottom of the Quarry before immediately throwing up then stagger back to work and pretend everything was normal.
Getting home was the best though, I would run from the bus stop to Mr Sharmas and buy myself a couple of these beauties straight from the fridge and dash to my favourite spot in the woods then drink them down before tea.
I would then wobble home and eat my tea which I immediately threw up about ¾ s of it before getting four more icy cold cans from my emergency stash and enjoying the evening with them watching the funny pattens on the screen of my sons playstation while playing a CD and enjoying a joint.
Finally I would pass out on the first bed for the night which was usually damp from the night before but I kept turning the mattress and letting it dry out of all the urine that gradually dissolved it.
Finally I would wake having wet myself again at around 4am transfer myself to my “morning bed” then drink my 4am can from the fridge and repeat the process all over again.
Occasionally I would cut down to 4 cans per day but this was real difficult and invariable I made up for it at some later date, weekends, holidays and Christmas were spent with a can of skol super attached to a drip above my head and spent in a permanent daze.
How times change eh! Now I haven’t touched a drop since September 2004 and am a member of AA!
